Good morning on this bright and sunny Monday morning....Spring is definetly in the air...daffodils can be seen on the road sides and green shoots are budding on the trees. So...why am I feeling like a dark winter night??
The purpose of this blog is to be as honest as I know how to be....and not to give a false representation of who I am. I have long since discovered that life is a bit like a rollercoaster...once you commit to getting on...you cant easily get off!! until the ride is finished. I have discovered that writing is a bit like that ....this blog may well be like that too. There will be times when I am hanging on with knuckles tightened and whitened...other times when I am waving my arms in the air going...whoo hooo...times when I am sitting shellshocked by the twists and turns and then times when I am just waiting for a lull in which to jump off .
Those of you who know me well...and Chris and my kids will tell you...I DONT DO ROLLERCOASTERS...in fact I dont really do theme parks...look for the lone woman propping up the rails with everyone elses coats and bags and thats me....waving aimlessly at small dotty people hanging upside down and thinking....IDIOTS...who would willingly get on one of these monsters?.....
And today I am asking myself....why have I willingly got onto this particular kind of rollercoaster...am I some kind of IDIOT ....to think about sharing my life with all its ups and downs and twists and turns and the good ...the bad and the ugly. To share the times when I am hanging upside down and hanging on by my fingertips....when I would much prefer to only share the exciting parts...the huge adrenalin rushes ....the mountaintop experiences...the "God has intervened" loops.....
As I was praying this morning ....I could see the rollercoaster car being winched up the hill...anyone seen the Pepsi Max at Blackpool?...you just know the long haul up to the top is scaring the pants off the folk sitting in the car....Ha...they may be looking calm and cool and chatting and giggling...but their hearts will already be beating double fast...their bladders will already be sending "help" messages....their stomachs will be asking "will I throw up or not" their minds will be thinking.."is my last will and testament written"
Today I think I am on that long haul....I know that some of the stuff I may be sharing on this blog will be scary for me to write..and may even be scary for you to read....but I know without a shadow of a doubt that "writing is my best chance of happiness". When I explained about the title of the blog...and why I had called it "The Shadow of Victory" it was to let you know where I may sometimes be....and today I have realised that coming under His shadow....finding His protective covering...seeking out a place to rest for a time...not asking for answers or expecting anything other than time to just be ME....it doesnt make me any less victorious...it is at times a good place to be and altho I started todays blog by asking why I felt "like a dark winter night?" it was purely a rhetorical question.....its not a bad place to be...and whereas I used to struggle if I was not always on the mountaintop..now I realise that God gives us His Shadow at times to rest and feel safe......
Wherever you are on your own rollercoaster.....my prayer is that you will know how to get the very best out of the ride.....
1 comment:
i know you don't do rollercoasters, no matter how hard we have encoraged you in the past that it is perfectly safe!!!
So for you to embark upon your 'litery rollercoaster' is a tremendous achievement. At the times when you feel so scared by it then just remember i am there with you as someone/thing to hold tight to as you go through the crazy corkscrews and loops and highs and lows of the track.
Keep doing what you are doing, God has given you a wonderful gift in your writing ability.
CJ
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