Shadow Of Victory

Tuesday, 28 August 2012


I thought I would post a blog entry that would lift my spirits....its been a tough few days in our family but hopefully I will cheer myself up just writing this blog.!!

If you have ever been in London and travel on the used to be that when the train stopped in the station the electronic voice would say...MIND THE GAP . This was to warn people that there was "space " in between the platform and the doorway of the train. At some stations this GAP was quite wide and meant you had to really look where you were going and step other stations it seemed as if the GAP was so tiny that you wondered why the voice said it at all. This seemed to me the only time the word GAP was ever used...I don't remember ever using the word in any sentences at all.

Then at some point in history the word GAP took on a new meaning....and the most popular way of using it was to explain the time that a student would take between leaving school and going to university. Some GAPS were a whole year and meant work and travel...and stepping big.....other GAPS seemed to only last a few weeks or months but it was way of broadening life and giving the student a taste of independence and for some a dipping into a new culture and new relationships....for most GAP year students I guess they would say that it helped prepare them for the next stage in their journey.

When I left school....( all those decades ago ) there was no chance of me going to university and certainly no GAP hadn't been invented in those dark ages....I also had my children fairly young but spaced out over the years so it never entered my head to regret not having the opportunity to have a GAP year....women of my generation didn't do stuff like that. I am I am fairly free of I am actually approaching OAP status....I have decided  I am going to have  GAP!!

It is not going to be the wee small GAP as explained above ...its not going be a wee tiptoe over from one place to another on my life journey....nope...I am going to have one huge big leap into the fact from where I am standing ...poised to jump..I cant even see the other side of the GAP...its a huge unknown and scary leap......

I am so amazed that the people in my life are enabling me to do this...the mum of  the fabby big lad I hang out with has given me the go ahead....the wee boy who is my gorgeous grandson fits around the GAP and his grandad Chris... is releasing me in so many ways to have my GAP year and not one of them is saying ...MIND THE GAP.....they are all saying...GO FOR IT...

So....what is Grannys Gap Year....well....the church I belong to has a year long course called  THE ACADEMY.....and it basically means you give a year to serve in one of the church ministries....I have to work it round my work and family commitments which as I have said everyone is supporting me in....I will have the immense privilege of working alongside some amazing men and women of God...serving the Sunday ministry that is Konstruction Krew.. (childrens church for 5 to 11 year old )..I will be mentored by another amazing woman of God..I will have a classroom teaching session each week from the leaders of churches that will expand my knowledge of God and the bible and I will share my GAP year with a dozen or so other students...both from this country and abroad...... I guess I will be the oldest one on the team and probably old enough to be their grey haired Granny....and I wonder what folk may think about it but I just know this is the time for me to be doing this and if I hadnt taken the courage and applied I know I would have regretted it. It will be an opportunity for me to be ME,,,not a Mum or a will a time for new learning skills (those who know me well  know that technology is a very big GAP ) and a broadening of my life. I am so forward to this coming season in my life.

So....Grannys Gap Year....and I am going to step out of my comfort zone...and jump....its gonna be fun.

Saturday, 25 August 2012


A few years ago our lead Pastor at the time..the fabby Ben D...often would seem to latch on to one worship song and have the band play it over and over again....( who else has lost count of how many times we sang..To The River !)

One song that I have been humming away to myself over the last few days  has been Oh Faithful God...Its quite an oldie and a really easy one to sing but the words are very strong and powerful. Ben D would have us sing it over and over and encourage us let the words and music grip our spirits and minister strength and faith for those who perhaps needed to know Gods faithfulness.

In this last few days I have known amazing highs and spirit dipping lows and some creaking and cranking in betweens..!!...Hang on tight whilst I explain

I had a whirlwind 4 day trip to Edinburgh with Cat and Elisha and we visited and hung out with my family...precious times that are only really possible once a year as Canada is so far away and getting everyone in one place is so hard....not to mention jolly expensive. With the arrival earlier this year of my grand niece and nephew its was even more precious to hang out with them and my brother and sister. After two full on days with them Cat and I took Elisha off to meet his other cousins on Chris side of the family...This is the first time all 4 Great Grandchildren have been together so again...very precious times....but full on busy ness....

We then got to see two of my oldest friends....known them both for almost 40 years....and spending time with them was equally special. Sadly one of those friends is in the grip of a staggering depression which is so debilitating she can barely function. I spent most of the time with her holding her while she cried as we talked and prayed.

As we arrived back at Heathrow with The Wee Boy so impatient to see his Daddy and Grandad again he was shouting it at top of his voice....I received a text from The Dorset Buddy to say her Chemo had won the battle and that sent me to the Heathrow loos so I could bawl my eyes out..( I was actually sick as I felt so relieved ).

In this last few days I have also heard that the middle son is moving out...(hurrah ) and he and his gorgeous girly will be setting up home together (hurrah)...then I heard some other news that had me crying with both great joy and a touch of despair  as I thought through how it would affect the family.....and later on Friday I heard that I may lose one of my childminding children and I realised  that with losing the middle sons rent and childminded fee could mean a shortage of 600.00 per month in our already tight budget....(can you see me swinging around )..In between all this our eldest son and partner and their daughter arrived back all bronzed and tanned from their Turkey holiday so we had the morning listening to their amazing tales and enjoying their company...Then last night I heard some other news which sent me to my knees in prayer and kept me up half the night.....I also heard from another of my oldest friends that one of her grandsons was in hospital having surgery ...he is only a matter of weeks old...and this too has had me cry out to God for healing.

Can you just imagine the "highs and lows "....It has been a very long time since I have had so many packed into so short a time and boy have I needed some faith to hang on to.

Today ...Chris and I spent some "us time" having a lovely walk in Marlow and having lunch together..altho this was interspersed with my sending and receiving 31 texts (!) as we tried to sort out the family crisis. are some of the words to the song that has been my support over last few days...


I know that there are some folk who are reading this that have lives that seem pain filled and stressed in similar ways and my heart aches for you all...but all I can say...( or sing ) FAITHFUL GOD .