tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66760065850941114782024-02-19T06:58:05.479+00:00The Shadow of VictoryPhilippians ch.3 v 12. says this "Not that I have already obtained all this,or have already been made perfect,but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."
You are invited to journey with me,to spend some time with me,to share with me,to laugh with me,to cry with me.
My aim in this blog is to lay aside my mask and just be ME,looking at different aspects of life,being honest,being vulnerable,in the hope that you will be encouraged to join me on the journey!irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.comBlogger149125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-32886355985065651502016-07-26T23:26:00.000+01:002016-07-26T23:26:49.416+01:00SAIL ON SILVER GIRL...... My goodness ...how long has it been since I was last blogging and posting ....way too long !!<br />
<br />
So much happened and its going to be almost impossible to get all of my life written down and in some order yet as I have always used the quote......<br />
<br />
<strong>WRITING IS MY BEST CHANCE OF HAPPINESS .......</strong><br />
<br />
so ...bear with me as I attempt to bring the last year and half to life and hopefully you will join me in the ongoing online journey that I began all those years ago....Please feel free to sign up and get by email and / or follow me ...or even ignore me ....I will send this out to the friends that were on the initial email list and again please feel free to sign off...just let me know.... but I am hoping some of you may walk alongside me as I live on....in The Shadow of Victory.<br />
<br />
I have titled this entry ...<strong>SAIL ON SILVER GIRL.....</strong> ( chorus line from Bridge Over Troubled Waters ) and will just let you read this short blog post to start it off again after so long and explain why this song has such value and its meaning for me .<br />
<br />
All music and songs generally bring to mind a memory...everyone can identify a particular time or season in their life where a song and its lyrics have impacted us at that time and continues to evoke the same emotions even when some decades ago . I have always thought that we have ANTHEMS that define us in ways that are often difficult to explain and recently I have found one song that has been a part of my life for decades and only recently resurfaced .<br />
<br />
<strong>Simon and Garfunkels iconic song....Bridge Over Troubled Waters</strong> BOTW...it never ages and still is sung and played all over the world.....most of you will know I have a hearing impairment and listening to radios or CDs etc can be hard for me to make out individual words and phrases and has led over the years to many a laugh as I sing along with great gusto ...enjoying what I think is being sung and then some kind person will point out that I am singing the wrong words.....eg....Desmond Deckers song about The Israelites.,..I continue to sing...."" Wake up for breakfast ...baked beans for breakfast "" and if anyone knows the correct words please tell me !!!<br />
<br />
For decades I have thought that the chorus line in BOTW ....played out like this<br />
<br />
<strong>Sail on silver girl....sail on by ... your time has come ...to shine....all your dreams are all memories....see how they shine .....</strong><br />
<br />
Bet you are singing along in your mind .....did you spot my decades old mistake ??<br />
<br />
It is of course the following and feel free to join me in a wee sing song<br />
<br />
<strong>Sail on silver girl...sail on by....your time has come ...all your dreams ARE ON THEIR WAY...see how they shine.....</strong><br />
<br />
At this present moment in my life it seems as if the chance to <strong>" sail on silver girl "</strong> may be a little hard for me to understand as the dreams I had for this season in my life didn't include cancer !! but I am endeavouring to sing these words into my spirit on a day by day basis...believing that<br />
<br />
<strong> " Your (my ) time has come ...to shine..."</strong> <br />
<br />
and I am holding fast to the words<br />
<br />
<strong> " all your ( my ) dreams are on their way....see how they shine "</strong><br />
<br />
In my minds eye and in my heart ..soul and spirit I can see the dreams shining and as best I can I plan to<br />
<br />
<strong> Sail on Silver Girl</strong><br />
<br />
I hope you will join me on the journey <br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong></strong>irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-70850753544692896902015-02-08T21:49:00.000+00:002015-02-08T21:49:58.447+00:00CALEDONIA..I haven't written a post for so long I had trouble even logging in !! I have had lots of thoughts running around in my head for last few months but never really got round to putting them together . At present I am sitting in the bedroom of a wee flat in Edinburgh that Chris and I have bought for our future retirement.....I know ! ! I know !!....surely we aren't old enough to even think or plan a retirement but in a little over two years my amazing man will get to the grand old age of 65.....I turned 60 last month and actually we aren't 100% sure we will retire in 2017 as we are happy enough in Bracknell and enjoy our work and love being with the family but we felt after selling our home in Bracknell we needed to secure and invest the money so we have the options.<br />
<br />
We moved here 30 years ago and so I have been 30 years in Scotland and 30 years in England and there is a lovely song we used to sing at primary school and one of the lines says this<br />
<br />
* My hearts in the highlands my heart is not here *<br />
<br />
Although Bracknell has been home for us and our children and grandchildren I knew I couldn't envisage ever growing old here...my heart has always been in Scotland.<br />
<br />
There is also an amazing song called Caledonia....( old celtic name for Scotland ) sung by Dougie McLean and its worth listening to....some of the lines in there speaks of my heart and my longing too<br />
<br />
* So I have been telling old stories and singing old songs that make me think of where I come from *<br />
* Let me tell you that I love you and I think of you all the time...Caledonia....you are calling me and now I am going home *<br />
<br />
When I flew up this time the plane circled for a few minutes and I could see North Berwick and the sea and Berwick Law and The Bass Rock and then we came over the Forth Bridges ....thankfully I was in a window seat as my eyes began to leak and my heart was full....<br />
<br />
Both Chris and I have extended family all over Scotland not just Edinburgh but Glasgow...Perth....Boness....Banff and Macduff it going to be an adventure for us when we do make the move...Free bus pass means we can travel ALL over Scotland for nothing ..whooohoooo<br />
<br />
People ask me ...what about our friends and our children and grandchildren and how can we move away ...and believe me its not been an easy decision to make as we love our family and friends here but this last year or two have brought us to a place where we have been praying and thinking through all the options and once we decided to make the move back everything else fell into place. <br />
<br />
The wee flat is looking good....and its great to have this base to stay in....long gone now are the expensive bed and breakfasts or the hotels etc....we can just roll up here and stay as long as we want., Its a gorgeous and cosy flat...small and perfectly formed....its in an area that is on the edge of regeneration and I am not kidding myself that's its in the best area.... its not New Town...or even Old Town and its not the grandeur of Randolph Crescent or Dean Village and the cobbled side roads leading down to Stockbridge......decades ago it was one of many housing estates that you wouldn't want to walk at night time...but slowly and surely its being upgraded and more owner occupiers are taking pride and the local authority are doing as much as they can to improve the area...and I have walked securely and happily many a time over last few months. .We can walk along the harbour paths and end up at Ocean Terminal...which sees the Royal Yacht Brittania moored and has a huge retail area...across from that is the new Scottish Office....keep driving and you come to Leith Docks area which has a great vibe and café and pub culture....keep driving and you get to the sands of Portobello and Musselburgh and Joppa and ongoing to our favourite North Berwick....oh the memories of childhood and our first few years of marriage and Michaels first few years as a child....ach I cant get enough of the memories.<br />
<br />
In the other direction you can reach Silverknowes and Cramond ...both great areas and the Firth of Forth is cold but blue as far as the eye can see on a sunny day. Bus services are frequent and cheap and the town centre and Royal Mile with the castle at one end and Holyrood Palace at the other is a 20 min bus trip. .Chris and I are going to enjoy doing all the tourist stuff that we didn't actually do when we lived here .<br />
<br />
Spiritually we have already investigated churches in the area....its amazing that within a 20 min walk we have the choice of 6 churches. We want one that we can walk to...be in the community and involved in the community and one where we feel at home and that we sense God is there. So far we have been spoiled for choice with three churches all of which we would feel happy to locate to . There is time to make that decision and we are in no rush but this morning I visited the local Baptist Church and within ten minutes I knew God was there....When Chris comes up later in the week we also are having tea with another church leader so its not yet a done deal...we are open to where God wants us to be planted.. At church this morning the leader who preached had what we call a Morningside accent...so imagine a broad Scots accent but posh it up a bit...he rolled his Rs with great gusto and when he spoke about the woman caught in adultery...it came out as * adulterrrrrrrry *....I had a wee smile to myself as I listened.<br />
<br />
We are on a journey and a sense of excitement that maybe....just maybe The Best is Yet to Come....irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-59310941020844736762014-04-11T14:19:00.000+01:002014-04-11T14:19:00.375+01:00Still Standing....I cant quite believe its been so long since I last blogged ....there is an old wives saying that says..<br />
<br />
*How time flies when you are enjoying yourself *.....<br />
<br />
I am sad to say this isn't always true.! This will probably be my last blog but I am not saying I may never blog again but I felt I needed to get some *stuff* down on paper (!) and then try and forget it for a time. I don't know about other bloggers but for a long time I would be thinking of things as they connected in my day and my life and then at some unknown time it would all seem to come together and I would know a blog post was ready to go.<br />
<br />
This has happened with this post although I must qualify it slightly by saying I really didn't want to blog but for my sake I feel it will do me good. Please don't feel under any pressure to read it...comment on it in any way . Its just me putting a lot of unconnected dots together and hoping it will make sense to me ..if no one else.<br />
<br />
I have titled this post....STILL STANDING ...I seem to remember there was a pop song with the phrase ...* I am still standing * ....no idea who sings it nor the rest of the verse but this wee phrase just keeps repeating itself on and on in my head so the best way I know to get stuff out of heads is to write/speak/blog.<br />
<br />
September 2012 was a time to celebrate....I was having a granny gap year serving alongside children's work at my church and the night before I was due to start I fainted and cracked two ribs . There followed a long and involved period of treatment and it was well into February of 2013 that I felt the pain was under control. It had taken its toll on me physically but also disrupted my sleeping pattern and the medication I was on only took the pain of the fractures away . It took forever for the doctors to realise that the lung tissue was bruised and as such I wasn't coping well with life in general simply because I was in such pain. Granny gap year floundered into March/April with me taking a fair bit of time out .I was so sad about this as it was the ONE thing I really really really wanted to do yet somehow or other I just couldn't get it right.<br />
<br />
At the same time as this we were moving into a new house and sharing with family and grandson and renting out our own house to family too and were happily anticipating the arrival of grandchild number three.......moving on to April time our amazing grand-daughter was born and joy was stirring deep in my Granny's heart. It was a huge shock to us all to hear within 48 hours the wee girly was in SCBU.....at this point I was completely knocked down...not a chance of me singing...I am still standing !!....for 7 weeks our wee girly was treated and we were only able to see her infrequently and rarely able to cuddle her at all....our hearts were with her mummy and daddy....then in the space of a month.... June I think it was.....our grandchild was transferred to Great Ormond Street Hospital(GOSH )...one of my closest friends was diagnosed with cancer...the husband of another good friend was also diagnosed with cancer and the news re my Dorset Buddy's cancer was not good.<br />
<br />
By this time I was having hospital tests and medication for my own symptoms and after tests my doctor and I came to the diagnosis of Anxiety...not depression ( I did laugh at him once when I said...I don't have time to be anxious....) The medication he prescribed had the horrendous side effect of giving me a stammer which led to neuro tests at Reading and various other investigations as well as a change in medication. <br />
<br />
July 2013 saw my * graduation * from Granny's Gap year altho I still don't feel I did the best I could have ......then our 14 year old much love pooch headed for the kennel in the sky and both me...Chris and Cat on weekly trips to GOSH to spend time with wee girly and help out her mummy and daddy...sleeping in the room to let them go home and have a bath and be normal for 24 hours. Wee girly spent a total of 11 weeks in GOSH so you can imagine how stressful all that was. To say * I was still standing * wouldn't be true but in those situations you run on adrenaline and so it was just one long round of hospitals.....add into the mix the news from all three friends with cancer that treatment was ongoing and then to ensure I couldn't get back onto my feet my daughter became ill whilst driving on motorway which led to paramedics and emergency admission to Basingstoke Hospital.<br />
<br />
Fast forward to Christmas 2013.....My closest friend ever .....died in September leaving me... her family and her friends bereft and my other great friend was still walking the cancer journey as was my friends husband. Wee girly was home tho so we celebrated family Christmas and had some joy ..laughter and fun as well as millions of presents. I neglected to say that my daughter after a five day stay in Basingstoke Hospital then went on to three more hospital admissions for days at a time , This also meant that holidays that we had booked were all jumbled up and we ended up going on both family holidays with our grandson Eli...leaving mummy in hospital so the last few months of 2013 were a blur. In amongst all of that Chris and I also relocated church wise to the Sandhurst multisite...to say we were excited is an understatement.. We felt primed and ready to roll.!! Sadly the ready to roll has ended in a feeble presence from me as week by week I struggled with this horrid anxiety....Insomnia has become an ever present enemy that my doctor and I fight every month to see how to get the best meds for me. The therapy came and went and apart from getting some forum input wasn't any real help...God Bless the NHS ...for all the amazing help it gave to my family but for me its just been one long round of * med - tweaking *<br />
<br />
So.....Its April 2014 exactly a year ago that life as I know it now began.....I am so sure of the dates as our wee grand-daughter is one year old on Sunday.....Time is flying but its not because I am enjoying it...its just a blend of days that at times gives a little bit of sunshine....I have several people and places I know I can go and just be ME...I cry a lot and lack energy....I try to go out and fail miserably...I make coffee times in the days I feel good then cancel on the day cos its a bad day. I still don't sleep more than 3 hours at night....I continue to work and love that Matt just hangs loose...he is such a part of our family and loves whoever is here...me...or Chris and loves Cat and Eli much more than me I believe.<br />
<br />
Our wee girly will be one and is doing great...she is so brave ...still having daily meds and injections but is the cutest little diddly you ever did see....sadly for reasons I wont go into on here...we don't see her very much....family can get complicated..things are said and misunderstood...hurts happen ....hearts break and yet we carry on. For me as a Christian of some mere 30 years I have so much more to know about God and his healing mercy . Yet the little I do know eg * in all things Christ works together * and that *He will never leave me nor forsake me * and a hundred more verses. .....especially from the Psalms .I have a worship CD that Chris put together for me full of worship songs that build and encourage me and yet life is an ongoing battle ...<br />
<br />
As already said I have places and people of peace....one friend who is a real haven recently is 105 seconds from the sea and I can escape there whenever my heart needs soothing. A trip to Edinburgh recently to celebrate our great niece and nephews second birthday and five days of family and friends certainly warmed my heart and as I cried and laughed in equal amounts it did me good to escape there too. I know that friends here are still loving me and praying for me and if the day is a good one I actually may even see them for a cuppa with my new posh tea set. ! I have my *big sister * in Canada who makes use of every tech media to keep me sane and standing plus of course my hubby and daughter and son in law and my oldest son and partner and my grandson Eli and oldest grand-daughter Mathilda without whom my life would be the poorer.<br />
<br />
This weekend will see my son in law running the London Marathon...in aid of GOSH and in honour of our wee grand-daughter who gained amazing treatment there for so long and still has weekly/fortnightly visits and regular checks...it will also see her celebrating her first birthday with us not there with her but hoping to see her at some point. Its taken me a long time to move through this last 3 mnths and more than once I have thought my heart was broken in too many pieces and I would never be able to stand ever again.. I have come to a place of acceptance of all that is happening in and around me and still singing the refrain * still -standing * on a regular basis.<br />
<br />
As I said as I wrote this...its not for pity or to draw attention to my life ( I am well aware that others go through journeys worse than mine ...eg My Dorset Buddys husband and her two lovely girlys ). It has just helped me get it out of my head in the hope that God will have some space to fill me again and to lift me from my knees back onto my feet.irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-62995767891314312932014-01-27T10:37:00.003+00:002014-01-27T10:37:24.931+00:00The GGGggggift of FFFFffriendship ( part three )You may be forgiven if you are wondering if the keyboard on my laptop has got the twitches.! It is just a reflection on how my speech is at present and I thought I would post about my newest<br />
* friend *...my stammer .!<br />
<br />
Since April/May last year I have had several different medications to help me deal with anxiety. The first medication brought along with it a slight jaw twitch followed by a sort of swallowing of word beginnings.(!). The next medication did well for a good few weeks until the jaw clicking began..most unpleasant and quite embarrassing. This lasted for two months until I begged my doctor to change medication again. I was slightly naughty at this time because I stopped taking the medication anyway and after 10 days I was able to hold a conversation without steam coming out of my ears with frustration. The next medication was bliss...good sleep...good days and no jaw click or consonant swallowing ..for three whole weeks I really felt as if life was getting better...and then<br />
<br />
The return of the jaw click with a vengeance...followed swiftly by the consonant swallowing and bringing up the rear the face twitch and not to be discounted the tears of frustration and the horrid horrid horrid thoughts swilling around in my head. I am now at a loss as to where to go now...its the tension of living with a brighter mind and less anxiety ( note its not yet NO anxiety ) but with <br />
this awful life inhibiting stammer...OR a mind that is filled with crap but able to speak relatively clearly ...or at least with enough clarity so that I can go out into the world again.!<br />
<br />
Looking back on this last three months especially I have isolated myself more than ever before. I may be actually present in some social situation but its only my body...my mind is constantly wandering and wary of speaking to someone I may not know well... You may have seen my back as I left church early...or even a weak smile as I nodded at something you may have said to me. You may have looked forward to having a catch up coffee with me and then been slightly miffed that I cancelled at last minute....you may even have decided NOT to try again for a time and day to catch up ....This stammer is NOT me...I am still the same person and still the same friend but for some reason this anxiety is gripping my speech centre and the right medication hasn't yet been found to help my anxiety without affecting the speech centres in the brain.<br />
<br />
<strong>Just as an aside...I dream in stammer too !</strong><br />
<br />
Fffrrrriendship...what a gift...I have actually spent time recently with great friends and altho I haven't said very much its been really lovely to be with them.I had a trip to see The Yate Youngster for lunch last week and a group of The Oldies here for an evening and on Saturday I spontaneously dumped me and and my stammer on The Pevensey Pal for a couple of days recently and altho the stammer was stammering away nicely at all these times I had a good catch up and for me it was just what I needed.<br />
<br />
God created us to be in relationship with not only him but others too but when one of the fundamental ways of being together ( communication ) is hindered it takes a fair bit of determination to press through. Added to the stammering is my deafness and with two of the major senses knocked out you may well be forgiven if you have been wondering where I have been for last few months...simply answered ...in isolation !<br />
<br />
My main reason for this entry is simply to ask for your forgiveness....I am pretty sure there are a few of you...family and friends who at one time or another over this last few months have been let down by me....disappointed...hurt...and maybe even have made the decision not to continue to walk this road with me....all I can say is....my heart aches...my spirit aches...my jaw aches ..<br />
my head aches (!)...and I am humbling myself daily before God and begging him to bring healing ...<br />
<br />
Alongside the medication I have been taking I have had a great doctor who listens...a great strength especially when the talker is stammering and crying....I have had some therapy...both of the mind kind but also the physical kind and I have got some "tools" to put into place when both the anxiety and the stammer get overwhelming. Its not perfect and I still prefer to be alone but its a start and its something to build on and continually putting it into practise ....I hope...see 2014 being a much better year than the latter part of 2013.<br />
<br />
<strong>To all who I would call Ffffrriend and to all who I know are FFfffamily ....<span style="background-color: yellow;">TTThhaaannkyyou</span></strong><br />
<br />
irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-27671099861494955772014-01-14T20:49:00.000+00:002014-01-14T20:49:56.151+00:00Multi-thoughts on Multi -siteI have been doing a lot of * thinking * over the last few days and Simon's preach on Sunday has helped me to get my thoughts into some kind of order. I am always the same after year end...with all the Christmas and New year out of routine stuff it can take me a long while to actually get back into routine again. Although the whole idea of * routine* for us in our co renting family unit is a bit of a laugh with all the illness going on. ( yes Cat is back in hospital ,,,again ...) Simon spoke of consolidating areas of our life...not just church life but our own personal life too and I was struck by several of the areas he mentioned. I will plan to unpack them in the next few blogs hopefully with some positive and encouraging news.<br />
<br />
The one that most challenged me was * community * and I confess to feeling very sad as I listened to him...its all about being involved not just in church but with each other and with our immediate sphere of influence..eg family...friends..work etc... <br />
<br />
The other aspect of consolidation was * health * and I can tell you that this area in my life and families life is way overdue some miraculous intervention. Its not just Cat...its me...its the ongoing health issues that face our grand-daughter too ...health is def going to be high on the agenda this coming year<br />
<br />
The final aspect that I felt challenged by was * prosperity * and as Chris and I are both self employed its always an area where we most need to be aware and to be thankful and value our income and to be prepared to steward it well. The last few months when we have seen several holidays bite the dust due to ill health and family issues it has been a serious drain on our reserves so much so that at the end of this month when our self assessment tax and our NI are due to be paid it will take some amazing work of the Holy Spirit to cover us. For the first time in years we were unable to pay off our credit card invoice in full ...and that is seriously sad for our hearts. Having been in debt for so long we have so enjoyed some level of prosperity and paying off the credit card every month for last 4 years has been a source of great joy so we were really not happy when we realised it wasn't going to happen this time. Grrrrr<br />
<br />
But for the purpose of this blog entry I want to lay out some of my thoughts re Multi site. Many of you will be aware that Kerith Bracknell opened a new site in Sandhurst and as we moved here last January we were really revved up and ready to go when September came around. We had been a part of the church when we met in Wick Hill Hall decades ago so we knew all about the set up and assorted things that would need doing. For first two or three weeks it was amazing..exciting...challenging...and we were so excited to be a part of this new thing. Sadly illness hit and my particular involvement had to be scaled way back.On the bright side Chris and Nick continued to be able to serve most weeks as Cat and I struggled on with ill health and caring for Elisha.<br />
<br />
I have long known that * community * best happens when new things start and being fully involved in a ministry is always a great way for friendships and caring to happen almost effortlessly. As the term went on and I had to pull back even more...often not making the meeting at all or if I did ...leaving with Elisha as soon as the meeting was finished ...not always being able to stay for the coffee time I began to realise that * community * wasn't happening. I don't write this for anyone to say....aww ...poor girl.... I am blessed with friends that * stick closer than a brother * but in the life of our involvement in Kerith Sandhurst it wasn't happening. We did make it to the all church lunch that the Amazing Mehta family had at their home and it was great to actually chat to some people there that we didn't know at all...*community * three cheers for the Mehta Family<br />
<br />
When Simon spoke about this on Sunday everything seemed to crystallise in my heart and spirit and I have spent a couple of days thinking through what God is saying and what I can be doing to move on . If I am honest my main friendships are in Kerith Bracknell and I do miss seeing them on Sundays and its not always possible to catch up with them during the week. I loved to just catch a smile off my friends as our eyes met during a worship song or a few minutes at beginning of meeting or a coffee at the end ....but this isn't happening at Sandhurst for me ...YET.... I have made efforts to ask about life groups and how to get into one and begin to be a part of a smaller group but again the main word for that is YET....I cant at the moment offer to serve as I need to be free for Elisha whilst Cat is not just in hospital as she is at this moment but also so support her until she is completely well...so for serving the word is still ...YET...I look around and to my old and tired eyes the majority of Kerith Sandhurst are young enough to be my sons and daughters and actually a lot of them are my daughter and hubby's closest friends and altho we chat they are probably not going to want to be our *community * There are several older members who like us will have their main ties still at Bracknell and I guess they too aren't going to be our *community* .<br />
<br />
Simon encourages us all to be friendly....if we want friends to be friendly...go speak to people..ask them who they are..invite them into our homes and lives and I agree !00% with this but as I explained its not easy in this season of our lives .Many times in the last 4-6 months Chris and I have made arrangements to see people...do things...go places and illness has struck and we have had to pull out or cancel so many times that we are slightly embarrassed and hesitant to make that first tentative offer of friendship again just in case.<br />
<br />
But having said all that there is a deep yearning placed inside all of us to be a part of something...something bigger than our own lives...bigger than our own four walls...bigger than the day to day lives we lead and Simon stirred me up again. It may take me a few more days/weeks/months to get to the place where I truly feel that Kerith Sandhurst is our spiritual community and not just the place we go on Sundays but I am determined to press through in this area.<br />
<br />
Finally some jumbled thoughts on multi-site that may just be important to me....the actual venue is great... five minute drive from our home...plenty of car parking spaces and only a few yards to walk into building.... tiered seating so no worrying about someone six foot plus sitting in front of me....a sort of wooden footrail that is just the right height to place feet on so you can be comfy....the stage is really close ...and low ....so for me ..the lip reading aspect is fantastic and I never worry now about whether I need get there early to get a good seat as I can see the speaker no matter where I sit. Plus there is something about seeing the * whites of their eyes (!) * that lends a sort of friendly aspect to the worship band and with being able to see and hear the worship leader so well it has brought a new dimension to my ability to concentrate on worship without worrying if I haven't heard properly....the speaker is very close too and its sort of cosy.....esp if it is Simon as he usually sits on his stool so its a little like story time for adults !! The loos are nearby...the coffee area is literally a thirty second walk from auditorium and the childrens rooms ...recently moved into main building ...mean we don't have to even put coats on to drop off or pick up ...bliss...<br />
<br />
If you haven't been to Kerith Sandhurst....come along and have a look...if I am able to be there ..come and say hello and be a part of my aim for *community * . <br />
<br />
More on this series of preaching will follow in future blogs irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-6615235795272130302013-12-17T21:57:00.000+00:002013-12-17T21:57:49.249+00:00THE GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP ( part two )I am fascinated by friendships...relationships...people...in another life I may well have been a therapist as I love watching the interaction of different people in different settings. People watching is one of my all time favourite activities. I have been known to make up entire life stories about two people in a coffee shop...my husband thinks I am bonkers but he does join in at times too especially on holidays when we get time to chill out and watch the world go by.<br />
<br />
This year ...if you have been following my blog....or indeed know me and been a part of my life in the real world...has been one of the worst years on record in my life. I am not even going to repeat all the sad bits...nor the health problems...nor the confusion...I console myself with saying that 2014 is just around the corner and I am so looking forward to a new beginning and a deep hope that it wont ever be as bad as 2013 has been .<br />
<br />
I have had a lot of time on my hands this year...way more than I really wanted or needed and it has given me time to think....Thinking is sadly under-rated...I have come to the conclusion that I need to do a lot more thinking in future and less talking or acting or doing stuff but just being quiet and letting my mind and thoughts and emotions have a few moments to themselves !<br />
<br />
This is what I have come up with whilst letting my mind free fall.....some other thoughts on the subject of Friendship. I wrote a blog entry about my friend Bren who recently went to glory leaving a huge gap in my heart and soul and as yet I am still finding it so hard to believe she is no longer here...no longer will I get an email or a text and I cant plan a trip down to see her. Its a weird horrid hurting gap left that I am daily praying that God will fill with peace on a day by day basis.<br />
<br />
So...what other thoughts have occupied my thoughts on friendship ....I will just blurt them out in no particular order and not listed by their importance...just thoughts.<br />
<br />
I have been reading and looking at the woman in the bible with the issue of blood....she has always been one of my favourite characters and I identify with some of what the story tells...( not that I have had an issue of blood ! ) but the fact of her being stigmatised...and marginalised within her community...I read a little between the lines and guess she isn't one of the people you would want to hang out with...simply because she was ill for so long. I wonder what her life was like before she got ill ...did she have lots of good friends...was her social life full...was she invited to friends homes or gatherings...did she herself have the gift of friendship and a full life within her community??<br />
<br />
I kinda think that perhaps when she didn't get better that slowly but surely maybe her friends and her community and her support network just got smaller and smaller until after 12 years I think she was very alone....the culture of those times was that she was " unclean" so I am probably right in saying she was alone and probably lonely too.<br />
<br />
So what am I saying here....If I am honest I have felt that the whole of this woman's 12 years has been whittled down to cover the last 8 months of my life...Previous to me becoming unwell I would have said I was blessed with some really precious friends and had as full a life as I could have around my work and family commitments. As it became apparent over the months that I wasn't going to get "better" and that the route to wholeness and wellness was going to a long haul rather than a few weeks I realised that slow but sure the contact and community I had was diminishing and days would go by with no contact with anyone except maybe a quick coffee time and then I noticed that even those were going and being replaced by txts and this last two weeks even the texts have almost died off too.<br />
<br />
Please believe me...I am not pointing any fingers...I also hold my hand up and admit that most of the time I would make an arrangement and then cancel it at last minute if I wasn't able to cope or had a doctor/hospital appointment so I am definitely not blaming anyone. The woman in the bible probably had some good days when she thought perhaps she would be able to go see someone but then wham her issue came back again and she had to cancel again.<br />
<br />
These thoughts on friendship have been brought to the fore of my mind mainly because of Bren's death...I can honestly say that she was the most loyal and loving and caring friend ever and no "issue of blood " made any difference to our love for each other...if I cancelled she just kept on loving and caring and keeping in touch..her emails and txts didn't stop until 6 days before she died and even then they were full of her concern for me and her love or me.<br />
<br />
One other "odd" thing I have found is that friends who I have known for decades but maybe who haven't been a part of my everyday community have been so caring and understanding even if from a distance .. As I pondered on this ...the old versus the newer friendships...by that I mean the 15 years plus versus the less than 8-10 years I have been surprised and blessed by the oldies way more than the newbies. I wonder if this is specifically because of the history we share...or is it because they don't all live nearby and don't have to put up with me and my "issue" <br />
<br />
<strong>I have come to the conclusion its because they knew me way before 2013 when life became so hard and they remember ME...as I was not ME as I am now</strong>.<br />
<br />
My oldest buddy in Edinburgh ...Sandra is one of the best of friends one can ever know. Sandra came into my life at the same time as Chris did..so at least 41 years of shared history. Sandra has always been there for me...not always in the same country as she lived in South Africa for many years but by letters we kept our friendship alive and in more recent years ...texts emails and visits have all strengthened our love for one another. Sandra isn't a Christian....but she is a God believer if that makes sense.. (.I did check this out with her before I wrote this blog ) and her giving of herself and her home and her time has been a huge blessing to me. Loyalty...is one of her characteristics and no matter how low I have been this last year she has consistently loved and encouraged me all the time. Sometimes her advice is way off the wall but mostly she is just loving me through and treating me no differently to the ME that she has known all these 41 years. One other attribute that Sandra has that allows her to shine in my life is that we can talk about my faith and she supports me in that and would never try and change me...in the same way I totally accept that she isn't (yet) a follower of Jesus but that our friendship doesn't depend on us having the same belief ...its more dependent on who we are to each other....The other great thing about Sandra is she loves not just me but all my family too and takes an interest in all that we are doing....its a wrap around kind of friendship that truly allows me to feel safe. <br />
<br />
In the same category as an * oldie * is my friend Sharon....we met probably 22 years ago here in Bracknell...she now lives in Yate near Bristol. Again for many years our friendship relied on letters ( shows our age as this was way before txts and emails ) and I find now over the last 3-4 years that the distance isn't any barrier to keeping the friendship alive and well....this last few months Sharon has consistently been a support and encouragement to me and mine. I could fill a whole blog talking about how this friendship has blessed me so much.<br />
<br />
Another "oldie" is Caroline...she lives in Amsterdam and I last saw her in the flesh 32 years ago when she visited me in hospital when I gave birth to Andrew my middle child...and altho the miles and the distance are clearly an obstacle somehow or other we have kept alive the link of our hearts which first formed when we were five years old....Caroline is my * get real * friend...by this I mean she minces no words...says what she means...and keeps my feet on the ground... I love her outspoken thoughts and her amazing ability to remind me that life at times is a bummer but you just got to keep going. I also love the fact about Caroline that she is just as smitten with her grandchildren as I am with mine so we are a mutual adoration society on Facebook.<br />
<br />
Finally another *oldie* who has once more proven that friendships can and do last the test of time. Melita...I have known for about 28 years ..we have holidayed together..served God together...shared a bed together ( never again..she is not that good a friend )..we have laughed and cried and prayed and lost all hope then found it again when least expected. Melita has now moved miles away and I have already forgiven her for that...but am still working on the forgiveness issue that she lives 105 seconds from the sea. Melita is an all round friend...she is who she is and and loves me exactly as I am ...all the time...<br />
<br />
I count myself more that blessed to share about my friends....these are the ones who despite the distance ....have gone the distance with me....I have written this to honour them .<br />
<br />
<strong>Sandra....Sharon ...Caroline ....Melita.....my friends...please know I love and value you in so many different ways and you are a gift from God into my life especially more so in recent months.</strong>irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-28256833875490827882013-11-25T21:25:00.000+00:002013-11-25T21:25:23.218+00:00REFLECTIONS OF 1997 ..POETRYMy amazing husband found the poem and here it is ....I can remember the evening so well...I wonder if anyone else does too. I would love to hear from you if you were there. <br />
<br />
I also realised that I did actually write another poem...This was for a Sparklers Time Out morning so watch this space for more poetry...who knows I may have a real gift !!<br />
<br />
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
<strong>REFLECTIONS</strong> </div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Come journey with me
throughout my year</span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">and witness this moment that
God etched clear</span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">in my search for the essence
of love.</span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 8pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">A child so young, so
precious, so fair</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">stumbled and tumbled and fell
down the stair</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Come watch with me in
Intensive Care.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I felt the coldness of the
valley of death</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">as I watched machines work to
give her breath</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I was overwhelmed with
worries and fears</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">my eyes ached with the
fierceness of my tears</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Yet even in this chaos I
heard this voice</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I knew as always I had a
choice</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">To give way to the panic that
I was feeling</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Or believe in the Lord and
trust Him for healing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Was it then
that I knew the essence of love?</span></u></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Perhaps</span></u></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 8pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Come journey with me
throughout my year</span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">and witness this moment that
God etched clear</span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">in my search for the essence
of love.</span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 8pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">A friendship covenanted in
love and prayer</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">nurtured and held with tender
care</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I grew careless and took it
for granted</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">neglecting to watch over the
seeds that were planted</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Harsh words came, like
weapons of war</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">they drew blood and opened
wounds so sore</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Yet God in His mercy provided
words to say</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">For healing and forgiveness
and strength to pray.</span><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Was it then
that I knew the essence of love?</span></u></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Perhaps</span></u></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 8pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Come journey with me
throughout my year</span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">and witness this moment that
God etched clear</span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">in my search for the essence
of love.</span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 8pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">A child caught up in that
"in between" life</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">full of struggles and
conflict and inner strife</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">exposed and isolated by a
sense of shame</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">realisation dawning that
life's not a game.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">As the burden of sin became
too heavy to bear</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Eyes locked into mine begging
me to share</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">And forgiveness flowed like
heavenly rain</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Our relationship released
from desperate pain.</span><span style="font-size: 8pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Was it then
that I knew the essence of love?</span></u></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Perhaps</span></u></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"> </span></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Come journey with me
throughout my year</span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">and witness this moment that
God etched clear</span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">in my search for the essence
of love.</span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 8pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">A woman of spirit called by
the Lord</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">A voice amongst voices
repeating these words</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"You are fearfully and
wonderfully made"</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"You are fearfully and
wonderfully made"</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"You are fearfully and
wonderfully made"</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">As the echoes resounded again
and again</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I could feel the familiar
sense of pain</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">And then all who were there
just disappeared</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">And in my spirit a vision
appeared</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">In the shadows childbirth</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">and even as I approached to
see</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I knew the baby would be me.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">And as I watched this event
unfold</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">My heart was gripped by icy
cold.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">And as I saw the child born -
laid aside and rejected.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">My spirit within felt dead
and dejected.</span><span style="font-size: 8pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Then something happened that
was very strange</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">As I saw the shadows lift and
the vision change.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">A presence I knew was</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The Father picked up the
child.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I was cradled in His arms and
felt safe from all harm.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I heard His voice, like
thunder yet</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">whispering like a gentle
breeze into</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">my very soul</span><span style="font-size: 8pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Eavesdrop with
me :</span></b><span style="font-size: 8pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Can a mother forget the
baby at her breast</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and have no compassion on the child she has
borne,</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">tho she may forget you I will
not forget you.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Before you were formed in the
womb I knew you</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Before you were born I set
you apart</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">For I created your inmost
being</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">you are fearfully and
wonderfully made</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">and I will never leave you or
forsake you.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">For I know the plans I have
for you,</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">plans to prosper you and not
bring you harm,</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">plans to give you hope and a
future.</span><span style="font-size: 8pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">And as my thoughts began to
gather</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I knew this voice to be my
Father</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">And the eyes of my heart were
opened to see</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">that with this love I could
be me.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">And chains that bound me to
the past</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Released my spirit and I was
free at last</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 8pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Was it then
that I knew the essence of love</span></u></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">OH YES</span></u></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">It was then<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 9pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p><span style="text-decoration: none;"> </span></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-52947937916171063572013-11-24T21:56:00.000+00:002013-11-24T21:56:48.080+00:00GODS LOVE NEVER FAILSToday at our amazing new Kerith Multi Site meeting we sang a song with the chorus..<br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>GODS LOVE NEVER FAILS ..NEVER GIVES UP..NEVER RUNS OUT ON ME </strong><br />
<br />
If you have been following my blog....or know me well...you may know that most of 2013 has been a messy ..painful...confusing time ..not just in my own life.... but in our family and friends lives too. The one thing keeping me going is the truth that <strong>God loves me</strong>....loves me enough to give up Jesus to the cross...enough to resurrect him from the grave and to give to me...completely free...the Comforter...His spirit living within me ....holding me up...keeping my feet on the rock...keeping my eyes lifted up...keeping my heart beating to the sound of all heaven worship-ing his son Jesus.<br />
<br />
When I got home I was looking for something in a drawer...and I found a piece of paper...I had forgotten existed. Many years ago ( 17 years ) the "old "style of women's ministry used to meet once a term for an evening of worship and word and Val Cottee who led the team at that time had asked me to be a part of the evening. I usually feel very honoured to be asked to be a part of leading women into Gods presence but this particular time Val asked me to write and bring a poem<br />
. <strong>Yes....a</strong> <strong>poem</strong> .Val had been praying about the evening and felt very strongly that God wanted her to ask me to write a poem There was no guideline...no topic...no theme ...no scripture....Val encouraged me to seek God and go for it.<br />
Now to put this into perspective I love writing ....anything....letters...cards....emails...texts ...blogs...Fbook and lists..lots of lovely lists for everything you can imagine...shopping lists..things to do lists..things for others to do lists...things to pack for holidays lists.. and probably somewhere in one of my drawers there may even be a "list of lists ".BUT I have never...ever...ever written a poem...not even a ditty.or a limerick or even a two line rhyme so I kinda got a little teensy bit nervous.<br />
<br />
I had about two weeks to prepare and you gotta bless Val she didn't even want to vet it..correct it..mentor it..she just trusted that God had told her and that was enough for her to trust that I would bring to the women's ministry evening what He wanted to bring. As I prayed about what on earth I should write about God laid on my heart the word.. <strong>REFLECTIONS </strong>and the poem began to shape itself almost without my having to work too hard at it ( hint for future...this is when you know that whatever has been asked of you that its from God )<br />
<br />
The poem ended up being a look back at the year I had lived through which was 1997 and as with 2013 it had been a very very tough year for me personally and for the family and friends ( sound familiar ? ) and if anyone asked me tomorrow if I would write a poem based on the word REFLECTIONS a lot of what I wrote 17 years ago would be repeated . The circumstances would be obviously be very different but the main theme running through this 17 year old poem is very simply<br />
<br />
<strong>GODS LOVE NEVER FAILS..NEVER GIVES UP...NEVER GIVES UP ON ME</strong> <br />
<br />
My amazing husband has told me he can find the poem....he yacks on about files and folders and cutting and pasting and yes it will appear on the blog.. So I am trusting in God that this is true (!) and that at some point in next couple of days I will share with you my one and only poem...immortalised forever ...in some hard drive..or usb thingy or even something called a dongle ?? Stay tuned and understand I am not boasting about my ability to write poetry...I am simply and humbly reminding myself that hard times like 1997 and 2013 make no difference to the truth that <br />
<br />
<strong>GODS LOVE NEVER FAILS ..NEVER GIVES UP..NEVER RUNS OUT ON ME</strong>irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-62771348507982713542013-11-04T21:20:00.000+00:002013-11-04T21:20:11.970+00:00RETREATING As a church we are so blessed to be able to take time out and head off to what we call FOURTEEN...this is basically a day set aside in an amazing setting and after an introduction talk you can settle anywhere in the house or garden for up to 5 hours of silence ...broken only by a lunch laid out for us.I have been on probably 6 of these days over the last two years or so and look forward to the dates coming out and planning ahead and anticipating that I will feel rested...refreshed...restored and sometimes I even meet with God !<br />
<br />
There is no pressure to be "spiritual" ....no pressure to "hear from God "....no pressure to "share amazing visions "....in fact there is just NO PRESSURE...Sometimes I look around and I see women snoozing....knitting...walking in the garden...sitting staring into space ....and sometimes I look around and see women reading the bible...writing journals....or plugged into their music. I have to be very honest and say that I take a bag full of "stuff " and often the stuff just remains in the bag but I do also plunge right in and get on with the stuff too....There is no pressure to do anything other than BE and I love it....just " being " is a new concept in my world and its one I am embracing with wide open arms and a heart that is beating to this new rhythm rather that the loud discordant beat of " doing ".<br />
<br />
I have developed a sort of routine for " being " when I go on retreat days....it consists of picking up a cuppa and a choccie thing....making myself very comfy in my chosen armchair and reading at least two of the magazines that are laid out on the resource table...great reading and I just indulge myself in this with my feet up and enjoy a leisurely hour. Then I get sort of .....oooo I should do something now...this time I wrote some letters...and cards...I am a list person and a writer of letters and I usually have at least 4-5 that I want to get written every week. I was very pleased that in the next hour I managed to get 7 cards/letters written . Its just "stuff " but I felt good that the stuff in the bag got at least an hours attention from me.<br />
<br />
It was then lunch time. Here I have a confession.....after the very first retreat where I joined the rest of the women and chatted and shared food together ....I decided that I wouldn't eat with the others and that I would take my lunch with me to my armchair and munch on my own....you see ..there is no pressure to mix with others...they don't think I am rude ....I feel quite free to do this and it keeps my mind fixed on just " being ". I don't have to make conversation ...I don't need to exchange news ..or views ..or opinions....I find that it keeps my day flowing with no interruption. Then my routine ...as is a lot of folk ..anywhere...is to have a wee snoozette after lunch. Lovely warm home...comfy armchair...feet up...full tummy....no phone...doorbell...conversation...just a chance to " be ".<br />
<br />
When I said at the beginning there is no pressure to be spiritual or to hear from God I rarely come away from the retreat without a sense of his presence and I wrote a blog entry a few months ago sharing about the armchair on the landing which had a really old Dolls House sitting right beside it and how I had one of those rare and special moments when God "whispers" and you know you have to listen up and lean into Gods heart .Today after my snoozette I decided just to focus on the view outside my window. The gardens are truly amazing but as I am no gardener and really have no interest or knowledge in plants or trees I do enjoy just letting my eyes wander and then settle onto one area or one thing and just as a few months ago God put the Dolls House in front of my eyes ...this time He put a garden table in front of my eyes . Literally right in front of my eyes ! Where I was sitting was directly facing the patio where there was a large wooden garden table ...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWS_RW-YBABaoKybU9F0pXhkyumMAIgwSbPtEYtfJ4IinkwZewZGQm8VDHGLPADytyuj7V7eaUurZFptlPO2xjsRP9TPgWOGPeBVTBVWsxkEp_R373rXCLoE4IEExczUuP5LTZ3uqcwyw/s1600/Table.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWS_RW-YBABaoKybU9F0pXhkyumMAIgwSbPtEYtfJ4IinkwZewZGQm8VDHGLPADytyuj7V7eaUurZFptlPO2xjsRP9TPgWOGPeBVTBVWsxkEp_R373rXCLoE4IEExczUuP5LTZ3uqcwyw/s320/Table.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
As it is fast approaching winter months I guess that all the chairs and sunshine parasol had all been put inside so it was just this solitary table...it was a fair size and I would reckon you could get at least ten folk around it or more if you all squeezed up. Knowing the family and the setting I also guess that it has been well used for many seasons ......for gatherings large and small and for different occasions ..eg Sunday lunch..birthdays...visitors...or just a general sit down and rest up kind of day. As I continued to "look" at the table I felt one of those " whispers" from God that I knew I just had to allow him to reveal something personal to me about this table. It felt very similar to the "whisper " I felt some time ago with the Dolls House moment and I was more than ready to listen up.<br />
<br />
As I continued to look at the table I realised it was a fair age....it didn't seem to be one of those new ones all spruced up and well varnished. It looked as if it had seen a number of seasons. The wood was wet and this had warped some of the planks that made up the top of the table...from the angle I was sitting I couldn't really see the table top but judging by the bits I could see I reckon the top was less than perfect and probably had a fair amount of nicks and splintered bits too. I am no DIY person but it even seemed to me as if someone had actually built the table itself and laid the planks on top. The base was very sturdy and not at all like the flimsy posh wood ones we see in shops now and certainly not the plastic round ones that fall apart after two years. This was a very solid table and looking closely again I decided that the reason it was still there and not put inside with the chairs was maybe that it was very heavy to move or that it was too big to be stored anywhere or simply that it may still be of use even as autumn and winter approached. It stood there quite alone without any chairs around it ....no bright and cheerful table covering....no bowl of fruit...no vase of flowers ..no plates of food .. and it was "outside "with no one nearby....looking a bit damp and weathered and unused yet still standing firm on a solid base ..almost waiting for a new season to begin and I began to hear the whisper from God.<br />
<br />
I felt God was saying I was a bit like this table...alone...bit damp (!) ..bit worn... bit splintered. ....not being used....no one sitting nearby or around me....not even a chair to offer anyone to sit with me..anyone coming near would just have to stand and therfor not stick around for a long time....nor was there a sun parasol for them to rest under . I had nothing to put on this table...no bright and cheerful covering..no food and nothing beautiful like flowers or plants. This season of my life feels a little bit like this..okay be honest Irene...it has felt a lot like this !! But then I heard another whisper from God and this is really all that I wanted to share..... that like the seemingly old and battered looking table looked abandoned and alone at the moment... I too feel like this garden table.....<br />
<br />
<strong>Then God whispered to me... just wait till the sun comes again...wait till the warm weather starts again...wait till the time for sitting in the sunshine comes again...wait till the chairs are laid out...wait till I get a new and bright table covering...wait till flowers bloom again...wait till the clouds give way to an endless blue rainbow filled sky...wait till the voices of children shout across the table....wait till the chairs are filled with friends who come to sit with me ....wait till those days arrive again...to share life together ...shelter under the parasol or kick back with their feet propped up on the table top. This table ( me ) may look alone and abandoned but God says quite clearly...look at the base..look at the structure ..how strong and sturdy it was ..no one on their own will be able to move it ..it was stable and sited exactly where God wanted it to be .....right in the front of peoples view and ready at a moments notice to be used as and when this dry and thirsty season ends and a new and fresh day is dawning.</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
So here I am sitting and waiting and just "being"..I am not abandoned..not unused... not alone...not unwanted...I am just in that season where I need to be able to rest and be assured that the foundations ..like the base the table is built on ...will never be shaken and I am just going to "wait "irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-14376049112884617562013-10-25T00:20:00.000+01:002013-10-25T00:20:07.060+01:00THE GIFT OF FRIENDSHIPThere is a wonderful saying about friends I heard years ago.....<br />
<br />
Some friends are in your life for a reason<br />
Some friends are in your life for a season<br />
Some friends are in your life forever....<br />
<br />
Over the years I have seen this happen in my friendships...and its only been the last few years I have began to take this into my spirit. I have often tried to keep a friendship going way too long after the reason or season that they were a part of...eg..the school gate mum who your children shared play dates with...the friend who helps you out with lifts for the school run or after an school activity. The friend who you share an interest with eg badminton or book clubs ....the friend who moved away that seems to fizzle out into Christmas cards only.<br />
<br />
But I haven't written a blog entry for a very long time because I have been completely wiped out by events happening in and around my family and my friends. Its been a tough few months ....my daughter has been so ill and in hospital several times...and two of my closest friends have been battling with cancer and another close friends husband has also had cancer. Our new grand-daughter was also in hospital for the first 14 weeks of her life and altho doing really well at home has a genetic condition which means a lot of medical care is needed .To add to all that I haven't been in the best of health myself and after almost five months of investigations and trying different medications I am left still with no clear diagnosis and a seemingly anxiety related oral dystonia which leaves me struggling to string two words together and is extremely distressing.<br />
<br />
But this isn't what this blog is really about ...Its really about the gift of friendship.! The REAL women's conference at our church this year had as its theme Friendships and altho I didn't get to more than two sessions it was really good to hear what others feel about friendship and for all of the reasons above I wanted to share just a little about one gift of friendship that I have had the honour of having for 27 years.<br />
<br />
Less than two weeks ago we attended the funeral and Thanksgiving service for my Dorset Buddy...I had the privilege of speaking at her Thanksgiving and in the few days between my "goodbye "visit and the actual Thanksgiving I was flooded by years and years of memories...I truly believe that she came into my life for all three of the reasons mentioned at the beginning of this entry.<br />
<br />
The REASON she came into my life at the time she did was simply to walk through almost 3 decades of family life together...Holidays...Christmas times...Celebrations... The sharing of our children and the ups and downs of family life.<br />
<br />
The SEASON she came into my life was that I sorely needed a friend who would accept me once I let her see behind my mask. We all live with various masks that we hide behind and as a new Christian I had my mask firmly in place ...but God used my friend to help me to be real. So far I honestly don't think that apart from Chris and one or two other friends really know the real me and accept me totally as I am. .My Dorset Buddy totally and lovingly helped me to be honest and vulnerable and she reciprocated and trust was built into our friendship from the very beginning.<br />
<br />
Now comes the hard part of this entry...I truly believed that my Dorset Buddy would be in my life forever.....we had it all planned...who would push who in the wheelchair...how we would probably move in together if we became widows at similar times....how we would love our families as they got married and we became grandparents....The marathon yakking sessions we had.....the emails we sent to each other in between the monthly visits....the prayers that we shared together ....the wee jokes we had that no one else really understood....the memories....the laughter......<strong>we were surely going to be friends forever as well as for reasons and seasons.</strong><br />
<br />
Yet two years ago she was diagnosed with cancer and it was most likely terminal. ....this was not in either of our plans for our future friendship and suddenly it became even more important to spend time together. As Dorset is a two hour journey away it wasn't always easy to get there but we both made the effort involved......on my part with a two hour drive there and a two hour drive home for maybe only four hours together and on her part by making time for me and aiming to be as well as she could be as time wore on and the chemo wasn't going to heal her and as the symptoms became more and more debilitating it became even more important to enjoy the gift of friendship more than ever.<br />
<br />
When I heard that she had been transferred to a hospice and it would be a matter of days I knew I had to see her one more time..I had actually seen her on my usual monthly visit and in fact had gone with her to her first Radiotherapy session and altho we had a lovely day together especially as both our daughters were together and both of our grandchildren were there too it was a very special day and I have a really lovely photo of both of us together which I now treasure as in the following weeks it became clear that her time was limited and we talked more about her "going to glory" than ever before. Within a month she was given only days and Paul said I could visit her on the Sunday.I had a glorious half hour with her in the Hospice .....I say glorious simply because we crammed as much love....joy...peace...laughter..prayer... tears....and the absolute belief what God was calling her to glory and that she wasn't frightened at all of dying. It was a precious half hour...I cant explain how precious...we both knew we were saying goodbye and even as I write this now my tears are dripping down...both sadness that she is no longer here but also joy in knowing she is with Jesus.<br />
<br />
When I arrived at the hospice Paul had explained that she looked very ill...I guess so I wouldn't be shocked...but honestly all I could see was the friend I had known ...her spirit shone through the physical state she was in and even altho I could feel when I hugged her that her body was struggling she was still my friend inside . One thing we have always been together is tactile...we always hugged ..always held hands at times when needed...and this was one of those times. The entire time we talked we held hands...and when I knew I had to leave it was as if we couldn't actually let each go ...our hands seemed joined together and I know with not one shred of doubt that we have had the gift ...the precious gift of friendship and that last goodbye and the holding of our hands was symbolic of the truth that one day....one glorious day..we will be together again in glory.....so whilst I may not have her here on earth as a forever friend I know that ultimately we will always be friends forever.<br />
<br />
It has been several weeks now since she died and her Thanksgiving and funeral ( which I must say was excellent...always seems strange to say that a funeral is excellent but we were not just mourning her death we were all celebrating her life and sharing what she meant to each of us )..and the hardest thing I am finding is simply ...she isn't here to share what's happening in my life. A big part of our friendship changed when they moved to Dorset...the daily interaction when we lived in the same town and attended the same church was gone and we relied more and more on emails and letters and phone calls and sleepovers and marathon talkathons...our record was 11 hours solid !!...I find myself thinking.." I must email her"...or "send her a text "...or I see a funny card and I buy it before I remember she isn't here anymore. I have just come home from a ten day holiday and I know that there would have been an email waiting in my inbox saying "how was it...tell me all the about it " and truly was surprised again that it wasn't there waiting for me !<br />
<br />
Why am I writing all this ...firstly because I find that at times "writing is my route to happiness " but more importantly to honour my Dorset Buddy..and to honour <strong>THE GIFT OF FRIENDSHIP</strong> and to perhaps encourage all of us to not only appreciate the friends you have but also to look for ways to nurture that precious gift...who can tell when the time may come when you can no longer nurture it for many reasons.<br />
<br />
My Dorset Friend was always a person who disliked being the centre of attention...and would.. I am sure be embarrassed not just at what I write about her but what others have said and felt and shared during her illness and her Funeral and Thanksgiving...and I have always referred to her as My Dorset Friend when I have perhaps shared a visit on Face Book as she was also a very private person and certainly didn't want every one knowing about her health or their sympathy and I respected that in the two years that she was fighting to live......But I will now refer to her no longer as My Dorset Buddy..<strong>but simply Bren... Pauls wife....Natalie and Danielles mummy ...Mother in Law to Jamie and Tim and Nona to the gorgeous Beaux...Precious Friend to many....</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>Bren...I miss you ......xx</strong>irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-23354943310903535772013-08-20T23:41:00.001+01:002013-08-20T23:41:28.230+01:00Grannys Gap Year ...Finally FinishedWell....its all over and done with...sadly I felt it ended on a whimper rather than a bang but hey...I am 58 and no longer a spring chicken so when "running the race" I sometimes walk a little and take time out..BUT...the most important thing was that I DID finish...I didn't give up...I got to graduate...and its all done and dusted.<br />
<br />
Looking back over the year I learnt so much...especially about myself....my character...my personality..my strengths and my weaknesses. I learnt the hard way that when life and circumstances knock me down that there are times to get back up and carry on but there are also times to just say..."okay Lord....I am down ...what are you saying to me "<br />
<br />
I completed five out of the six assignments and racked up one merit and four distinctions which for this granny brain that has had no education since I was 16 that is an achievement that I am very pleased with !...I got to preach at one of the 10/10 Sundays ...and I was very pleased with that too....I got to hang out with some amazing youngsters on the course and they were such a blessing and reminded me that God is on the move in a whole new generation. I was privileged to be taught by some members of the church who opened my eyes to new things of God and the bible. <br />
<br />
I have some precious memories of my Sundays with the children's work and this sustained me week by week again showing me that God is on the move inspiring a generation of children who will grow up with the knowledge that God loves them and cares for them . I was mentored by Yvonne as my line manager and Caroline ...both women I have known as friends for many years and know that God has done a work in me through their encouragement and their faith in me.<br />
<br />
The last 3-4 months when life events overwhelmed not just me but it seemed like our entire family was knocked down and out I was still supported daily in one way or another....a meal brought round..a text sent...a prayer answered..a shoulder to cry on...a community who surrounded me with love and encouragement ..that made no demands on me other than what I could do..<br />
<br />
So as one season ends for me and a new season begins...I am just sitting at the feet of Jesus and not looking for anything other than his presence..his peace ..his joy.... My diary is very empty and there are days with nothing written down and whilst that is daunting in many ways I know its what God has planned for me. I am not used to big chunks of time with no agenda...nothing planned so its all a new season for me.<br />
<br />
My main aim at present is to get my ongoing health problems sorted....without going into too many details suffice to say I am not doing too well and its a daily slog to keep pressing on with medication and doctors appointments and therapy . I am currently waiting on neurological consults in September with some quite scary conditions mentioned that I am being tested for so I am definitely trusting God for the right outcome. I am also trusting God for the restoration of health for my daughter Catriona who has been so poorly for weeks and its a daily prayer asking God to heal and restore her to full health. I have several of my closest friends going through major health issues as well so trusting God for all of this and praying daily for them.<br />
<br />
<strong>My life verse which I also use at the beginning of my blog is from Philippians Ch 3 verse 12 and it says this...</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>"Not that I have already obtained all this or have already arrived at my goal,but I press on to take hold of that which Christ Jesus took hold of me ."</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
So...where to from here as I press on....I really have no idea but I am just going to keep heading towards the finishing line and see what God has in store for me in the coming year. Granny's Gap Year is finished but not me....I am still going and living with the motto<br />
<br />
<strong>" If you are not dead you are not done !</strong><br />
<br />irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-11454959555295810932013-07-08T23:45:00.002+01:002013-07-08T23:45:20.482+01:00THE GAP...IN THE GAP...IN GRANNYS GAP YEAR.I have already written last time about the "Gap! " in my gap year....and very soon my title of Granny's Gap Year will cease to be as I am due to finish Academy in two weeks time...I say "finish" instead of " graduate" as I have missed so much in last three months I wonder if the word "graduate" really is justified...but in the grand scheme of things whether its called Graduation Sunday or just Sunday 21st July that's it .....done and dusted..<br />
<br />
I am writing this blog entry and as you can see from the title its about another GAP...and I hear you say...how many GAPS is this granny having and what on earth is she waffling about. This entry is because I wanted anyone who reads or follows my blog to know about GAPS...as I sure that everyone has had a GAP of some sort or another .<br />
<br />
Two of the dictionary definitions of the word "GAP" is as follows<br />
<br />
" A break in the line of defences "<br />
"An interruption of continuity"<br />
<br />
As a now seasoned commuter to Great Ormond Street Hospital ( GOSH ) I hear all the time the automated voice telling me " to mind the gap "after a few times I almost want to shout loudly...."okay okay I AM minding the jolly GAP...shut up !! " but of course wouldn't dream of disturbing the comatose commuters who are electronically connected to ipods...ipads...laptops ..tablets...newspapers ..books...or heaven forbid actually talking to each other and as for eye contact or a smile ...no chance...I at times have wished for the gap to open and swallow them up. There is something altogether weird seeing people try to read newspapers on an escalator. Truly bizarre.<br />
<br />
Any way ...these new GAPS I am talking about are surely in the definitions listed above.<br />
<br />
<strong>1) a break in the line of defence</strong>....these last few weeks I have felt completely defenceless against all that has been happening in and around my family unit and my friends...I have lacked the emotional energy to keep pressing on ...and running the race...and lifting my eyes to the hills and standing firm on the rock and all the other keys to defending my spirit and my well being...I have been so grateful for those who have stood in the gap for me and minded my gap for me...from praying..to ironing to keeping me company...to making me laugh ...to letting me cry...to buying me lunch ..to holding me when it has all got too much...<strong>thank you</strong> <br />
<br />
<strong>2) an interruption of continuity...</strong>well I can confidently say that this last few weeks has definitely been interrupted by all sorts of family crisis...and it has affected not only Academy times...Family life. Work commitments ...Social life ( what is that again ?)..My sleep ..My health and My sense of peace....and again I am grateful for those who have hung around and held me up and pushed me on and shoved me in front and generally loved me when small pieces of snot and tears have dripped onto their clothes...<br />
<br />
This last four days in particular has seen once more three distinct and different GAPS ...one not so great ..one awful and finally an amazing <strong>"interruption of continuity".</strong> <br />
<br />
The first GAP being Cat ( my daughter ) and I gaily on our way to see the Dorset buddy...her daughter and delightful grandchild...for the first visit in a very long time so we were all excited ...weather was warm. The mummy's were going to the beach while the Dorset buddy and me caught up on life....unfortunately half way there Cat began to feel unwell...its very long story and I will brush over the 999 call on the hard shoulder of the M3 suffice to say Cat is still in hospital and now after scan and tests has got hooked up to an IV for antibiotics and hopefully home this week "the break in continuity "of our lives with Cat not being here is incredibly hard for her being stuck in a dementia ward with a gaggle of old ladies and for Nick Eli and us as we have to sort life out....so this GAP in Granny's Gap year has meant we are all planning our days down to the last second to ensure we all get to our commitments and get to visit and sort out Elisha and again I am grateful for those who have helped us out in all of these ways.<br />
The second GAP is once again me and this dratted anxiety...I had the dystonia sorted and was able to chat and talk quite normally and wham <strong>"the break in continuity "</strong> happened again...it hit me again on Friday evening by Saturday morning at 6.40am after maybe two hours sleep I woke feeling so ill....I couldn't stop crying...my shoulders felt like they were moulded to my ears I was so tense I was stuttering...the day just disappeared in a haze of meds and sleep and just relying on others to sort out everyone else.<br />
The final GAP....is actually the most amazing one of all...and one I just believe 100% that God engineered it just for me ...( He can do this you know..stir up a GAP that will bless and help us to know He still is there..still caring for us...still working it all to the good and definitely strengthening us when all else around us seems to indicate that the <strong>"interruption of continuity "</strong> is always a grotty thing. Whilst visiting Orlaith in GOSH today her cannula somehow (!) or other got dislodged and as this was the only thing anchoring her to all the machines ....suddenly she was free!!..I was holding her at the time and instead of being stuck in a sort of 2 foot square area of the room and not able to move around much there I was with our amazing babe and I immmediately felt a lift in my heart and spirit. I walked around saying.."wow this is good Orlaith its almost like we could walk right out of here and go home ! We waltzed over to the bed area where Mummy and Daddy and Grannys and Aunties sleep (!)and we lay down together for seven glorious minutes...it was such a small thing but wow did I feel blessed and lifted and refreshed . Life was suddenly good again for seven whole minutes . an amazing <strong>"interruption of continuity "</strong><br />
<br />
This last few weeks I have only been able to connect with God through listening to worship songs and singing along and one song is always uppermost in my insomniac karaoke sessions.<br />
<br />
<strong>" All of my life...in every season...you are still God and I have a reason to sing ...I have a reason to worship."</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>Enjoy looking at todays GAP.</strong><br />
<strong> </strong><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxm9fB-NGv6RSgZpa_EsD-TIaHJONGd7JL9KvPEJ_-9Vz9FVkut6NrzgrJ2XAfBA1Y8Wo8bdrrELx3j_w_Ctyl-jRhkU73QJ5N431XW2c1INZ-Bsq_F3-P5I6lR_i6oQ12yZNQ93LLE7o/s1600/20130708_164803-400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxm9fB-NGv6RSgZpa_EsD-TIaHJONGd7JL9KvPEJ_-9Vz9FVkut6NrzgrJ2XAfBA1Y8Wo8bdrrELx3j_w_Ctyl-jRhkU73QJ5N431XW2c1INZ-Bsq_F3-P5I6lR_i6oQ12yZNQ93LLE7o/s320/20130708_164803-400.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_UqL9sd-717F8bgn33MvnEy2FnlfnU8q5Kn2lZQ5Q1se9mzKOPZk84v8KGmOA5KjEE87QG3vP9rwkCgUUheFfkaCtugeX2QBtnoau2SrWJ7TLp882Gt4uP9BU7cnvJ5w5VGkXeoRzfmY/s1600/20130708_164852-400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_UqL9sd-717F8bgn33MvnEy2FnlfnU8q5Kn2lZQ5Q1se9mzKOPZk84v8KGmOA5KjEE87QG3vP9rwkCgUUheFfkaCtugeX2QBtnoau2SrWJ7TLp882Gt4uP9BU7cnvJ5w5VGkXeoRzfmY/s320/20130708_164852-400.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9hGDG70341MvxYaSPBJdCjw_KIUm5OElhcDKyLbJHTo6hI5HKLe7nn_6sZzJx5pAsOsyI5Rcr0w13QUOJ4daFaACdg4CGpbKTCo54hTq1ScxUp6Y400ERtxgiJhtC-JceOO4hyLiGzx8/s1600/20130708_164909-400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9hGDG70341MvxYaSPBJdCjw_KIUm5OElhcDKyLbJHTo6hI5HKLe7nn_6sZzJx5pAsOsyI5Rcr0w13QUOJ4daFaACdg4CGpbKTCo54hTq1ScxUp6Y400ERtxgiJhtC-JceOO4hyLiGzx8/s320/20130708_164909-400.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-31678652966137444572013-06-29T22:36:00.002+01:002013-06-29T22:36:58.261+01:00THE " GAP " IN GRANNYS GAP YEARI am coming to the end of my Granny Gap Year....I hadn't realised it was only three more weeks....wow...time has flown by but its not because of the cliché " How time flies when you are enjoying yourself "<br />
For me this time has flown by in a haze of confusion with all that has been happening in our family. And within myself...way too much to explain it all but suffice to say that from the end of the Easter Holidays till now I have had a GAP in the GAP year. Inasmuch as I haven't been able to serve within my commitments to K Krew...nor get to church and no Academy Thursdays . I am sad and disappointed in myself. I thought I was made of sterner stuff but like a Tsunami... events overwhelmed me and I have felt as if I have been drowning in more ways than one.<br />
After trying out 3 different meds my doctor (who is amazing ) came to the conclusion I didn't have depression as such but a deep anxiety caused by the events in family life...<br />
Most of you who know me well probably know a bit about what's been happening in last 3 months but one of the main causes of my anxiety has been our new grandchild Orlaith....her mummy and daddy are amazing and if you want to know more about why my Gap in the Granny Gap Year has happened then read the blog Limara has written...<br />
I have made a firm commitment that I will finish this Granny Gap Year with renewed and refreshed spirit filled life...so watch out<strong>..." IF YOU ARE NOT DEAD YOU ARE NOT DONE "</strong> is still my life motto at the moment.<br />
If you want to follow Orlaiths progress here is the link..<br />
<a href="http://limarabanks.blogspot.com/">http://limarabanks.blogspot.com</a><br />
<b style="text-align: justify;"><u></u></b><br />
<b style="text-align: justify;"><u>Congenital Hyperinsulinism (CHI)</u></b><span style="text-align: justify;"> is a disorder where insulin is excessively secreted in the body, not being regulated by glucose appropriately - this causes </span><u style="text-align: justify;"><b>hyperinsulinaemic hypoglycaemia</b></u><span style="text-align: justify;"> (hypo) episodes where insulin levels are high and ketone bodies aren't being made - this is extremely dangerous for the brain and the protection of brain damage; as it means it isn't getting the fuel (glucose) or ketone bodies (which generate different fuels) it needs. A safe blood sugar level for CHI is 3.5 and above - a hypo is anything below 3.5. There are two types - focal, where a certain area of the pancreas (a lesion) is producing too much insulin, or Diffuse, where the entire pancreas is affected.</span><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYZ1AoKT462sSUSGllgdVOndwOWilxj6EKau7jSZ8jTIOYZnskfjNgGxr3sinxG6xCyojbwoalTxTJ5efv8G92fZ5xnkjXMN36NDci-yrDQIhB2nk4wlXFEUUwW_G9yxDDMDDzno-Tynfh/s1280/image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYZ1AoKT462sSUSGllgdVOndwOWilxj6EKau7jSZ8jTIOYZnskfjNgGxr3sinxG6xCyojbwoalTxTJ5efv8G92fZ5xnkjXMN36NDci-yrDQIhB2nk4wlXFEUUwW_G9yxDDMDDzno-Tynfh/s200/image.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
<div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-14858086369741718" itemprop="description articleBody">
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
On Saturday 13th April @ 17.25pm; Orlaith Rae was born. ♡<br /> I could go on and on about the feeling you come across after just having a baby but it really is the cliche feeling of feeling complete and unconditional love. All of sudden, nothing else in the world mattered except her existence. I never thought I'd be a mother at 23, I had so much more I wanted to do in life but there I was, holding a beautiful baby girl and nothing will ever come close to it.</blockquote>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoUNyRVMvjmanjNDo47cqUqx5SwErTM9Y6XCoDsnTVx4gYh57SyoEz3WUdCQZLdbry1STYxoN2Q-JvX-kjoD4zi1xMgx1dUvKK4zSXL3vTJaz7YH_-VOGfIk6YNxQw4GEN0bL0Z2meuGzQ/s1280/photo+%25284%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoUNyRVMvjmanjNDo47cqUqx5SwErTM9Y6XCoDsnTVx4gYh57SyoEz3WUdCQZLdbry1STYxoN2Q-JvX-kjoD4zi1xMgx1dUvKK4zSXL3vTJaz7YH_-VOGfIk6YNxQw4GEN0bL0Z2meuGzQ/s200/photo+%25284%2529.JPG" width="150" /></a></div>
<br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">
Orlaith was an extremely shaky and jittery baby. I assumed these were traits of hers, but it continued into her first night at the hospital, only to get worse. Orlaith would go through episodes of being floppy and in a daze to being vocal and screaming the place down, reluctant to feed. In the morning, she had routine OBs and it become clear Orlaith wasn't going home. Doctors kept coming in and observing her before telling us she needed to go to SCBU (special care baby unit) - she was admitted on a 0.9 blood sugar level - it should be above 2.6 for normal newborns. This didn't mean anything at the time but we were made aware the feeding and jittering was being caused by low blood sugar levels and she needed medical assistance - at first I was just confused, I couldn't understand a word the Doctor was saying, all I heard was him say 'antibiotics' over and over again.</blockquote>
</div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2vebyozXWDlmo2XFvmYAQ1Ai3ZAmVN2uhv0EeD2Pf1GEt9g17Czhu5O4Tx56kL9keaha1MoA_azn39Tk1EKhbYsI0jbh7nkk_ubo24oYHsC66YSfcqF2khCk5vKZ4gkUfYVfj4EZffBhb/s1600/photo+(2).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2vebyozXWDlmo2XFvmYAQ1Ai3ZAmVN2uhv0EeD2Pf1GEt9g17Czhu5O4Tx56kL9keaha1MoA_azn39Tk1EKhbYsI0jbh7nkk_ubo24oYHsC66YSfcqF2khCk5vKZ4gkUfYVfj4EZffBhb/s200/photo+(2).JPG" width="200" /></a>Orlaith was taken to SCBU<span style="text-align: justify;"> and was instantly put onto a 10% dextrose IV drip - this didn't do much and she went upto 12.5% then 15% .. She still lingered in the 0.'s, even dropping to as low as 0.2.</span><br /><span style="text-align: justify;">Due to Orlaith's veins being fragile - as with any new born - she had a IV line put into her belly button, as the dextrose percentage was too high for regular veins. Numerous canulars failed but Orlaith luckily remained stable. A few days after birth, one of the staff nurses told us they will be taking blood to check for "Hyperinsulinism" and briefly described what is was, but we didn't know the severity then. The results came back and she was on the fence, neither positive and negative. Our hospital stayed in daily contact with Great Ormond Street hospital, one of the only TWO centres in the UK which deal with CHI, to indicate what steps need to be made. </span><span style="text-align: justify;">Orlaith also developed severe reflux and would struggle to hold a feed down - resulting in the NG tube you see in her nose, this has been used since birth to help feed her. She's more than capable to take a bottle but with the reflux was extremely difficult (majority of CHI babies suffer with reflux and aren't keen on feeding, exactly like the day she was born).</span><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyhbHoWeS1HOSbLPcBfFg3exKbOL3fFIx2MXZGAHAUPJtIZBMyTv5GtkreYkodbG8DslIYOYHQXN0V0r0Tb3RDE_yhB_FtQb1Ymw6O9VrLYgMFtzdGyRkVzRxEpNddNVfjbGHv_UiojzDF/s1600/photo+(5).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyhbHoWeS1HOSbLPcBfFg3exKbOL3fFIx2MXZGAHAUPJtIZBMyTv5GtkreYkodbG8DslIYOYHQXN0V0r0Tb3RDE_yhB_FtQb1Ymw6O9VrLYgMFtzdGyRkVzRxEpNddNVfjbGHv_UiojzDF/s200/photo+(5).JPG" width="150" /></a></div>
<span style="text-align: justify;"><br /></span> <br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="text-align: justify;">As the weeks went on, SCBU tried numerous medicines and kept her on the IV drip constantly, as she'd only hypo without it. All together, it was THREE times we titrated the IV fluids with feed and she was able to come off the drip. However, Orlaith would only last a couple of days and she'd be back on the drip and meds were being increased. </span><span style="text-align: justify;">How Orlaith didn't slip into seizures, comas, or developed brain damage is beyond us. Drs indicated to us we were awaiting a transferral to Gt. Ormond Street but it could be some time until the bed was available. </span>It got to the point where Orlaith kept dipping dangerously low and she needed a higher dextrose percentage, but she would need surgery to fit a central line as the glucose is too strong for veins and would damage them.</blockquote>
<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7nlOKSNC9pFwcLghLqC6E7ZnoOS1euKb7gHtF3DlIKXC0jTeJjiq6wWWPn7LFp0k5W20iSdSxuMOlx_S4TwTUxXJ-DQ3Ys3Iu1-YfU3R9j7TJLDuJfNA8-FpDyn0jpdKfY7ATPpj7-Msv/s800/photo+(3).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7nlOKSNC9pFwcLghLqC6E7ZnoOS1euKb7gHtF3DlIKXC0jTeJjiq6wWWPn7LFp0k5W20iSdSxuMOlx_S4TwTUxXJ-DQ3Ys3Iu1-YfU3R9j7TJLDuJfNA8-FpDyn0jpdKfY7ATPpj7-Msv/s200/photo+(3).JPG" width="150" /></a><span style="text-align: justify;"></span><br /><blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="text-align: justify;"> Within a space of a day, I wasn't only told about surgery to fit the line- I was told she may have brain damage and a tumour on the pancreas. The next day we were transferred to Southampton hospital for surgery to fit a central line for the weekend, thankfully all was a success. We arrived back to our local hospital all fine - Orlaith was stable and the plan was to keep it that way until we could be transferred to GOSH to see the specialist team and top notch consultant. . Early hours the next morning after returning back from Southampton, Orlaith started having cardiac episodes and stopped breathing - I am forever grateful and thankful to the nurses who were on shift that night, without them we wouldn't have our daughter today. During all what was happening, bloods were taken which indicated low levels (of what, I'm not too sure!) and Orlaith had a blood transfusion which helped her remain stable. </span>Orlaith<span style="text-align: justify;"> had also had a brain scan which showed there was NO damage on the brain, overjoyed is an understatement.</span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRPDCtID4-lnJ6j64ESOlsVRY6drOzRZEgBJ7blQTAUcWC0M0T_b3xyrcg0VC10RfYlK306SsZ4WnlqHuOylxeBuclJU-ysI3D0L2VY4P2oMITzZCcU-EJpzwAsyAypqivjJp0LVr00iIk/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRPDCtID4-lnJ6j64ESOlsVRY6drOzRZEgBJ7blQTAUcWC0M0T_b3xyrcg0VC10RfYlK306SsZ4WnlqHuOylxeBuclJU-ysI3D0L2VY4P2oMITzZCcU-EJpzwAsyAypqivjJp0LVr00iIk/s200/photo.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="200" /></a><br /><br /><blockquote>
By this point, Oralith was nearly 7 weeks old and we were finally being transferred to GOSH as a bed had become available. We've been here nearly 4 weeks and the team are simply amazing - coming from somewhere which had never heard of the condition, here it is like second nature. Orlaith remains on a 30% dextrose and occasionally hypo's, but here we have the ability to control it. After routine blood, her hyperinsulinism was confirmed and it indicated the CHI may be focal... This could be the best news, as hopefully it would mean surgery, recovery then home. Diffuse is more difficult to control and get rid of, but there is still a possibility of it so we're open to the outcome - Orlaith will need a PET scan to confirm the current findings. Fingers crossed it's focal and HI may well be cured!</blockquote>
</div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj08_lK3zzdk2NAMTcRVgwSIXikQf-bDqCHyATTBXWtcyaCSMFJhNA0JnGr9NRR1uWL_nBDcPSZ50mvb8lxzLDMyS2HU983WItyqgQd_6s4grFVxHYFP8cF6UrrbUWvHWXmLPkwEEMzZlH/s1600/image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj08_lK3zzdk2NAMTcRVgwSIXikQf-bDqCHyATTBXWtcyaCSMFJhNA0JnGr9NRR1uWL_nBDcPSZ50mvb8lxzLDMyS2HU983WItyqgQd_6s4grFVxHYFP8cF6UrrbUWvHWXmLPkwEEMzZlH/s320/image.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span></div>
</div>
irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-26565792304785748732013-06-24T04:06:00.001+01:002013-06-24T04:06:17.893+01:00FriendshipsThe only positive thing about Insomnia is that you get to catch up on your lists and your Facebook , read other peoples blogs and write blog entries of my own that have been brewing for a few days..!!<br />
<br />
I have been thinking so much about friendships recently...firstly because of an assignment I wrote for Academy a few weeks ago ..then used it as a base to blog The Fellowship of the Mat.....and that led to an evening to chat to others about enduring friendships because I think one of the themes for our conference REAL this year will be including stories about Friendships.<br />
<br />
I have blogged about this before so if you want to read more then search through the archives...I have blogged about the positives and negatives and about grace and forgiveness that we all need to extend at all times. Penny Lander who is one of my heroines in the faith says to me.." Always think well of others " and I try but sometimes fail...I have hurt people I am sure in the dark and distant past when I knew nothing about grace and the old cliché of "hurting people will hurt people" must ring true with others as well as me....and I know from listening to others that the whole area of true friendship can be a pain filled story.<br />
<br />
For me in this last season of life .(January to right now ) I have learnt some things about friendships that have almost been worth the stress and hurt and pain just to have the experience of deep and holy moments of God filled friendship...I am still raw and hurting...I often joke that last time I had surgery they must have re-jigged my "wee " bits to my tear ducts,,!! ...I also wrote a blog recently called "Tears for Souvenirs"...again have a quick rummage for that one too...but these tears have come about in a weird way and are not carrying pain all the time..some of these tears are tears of relief that I can just be me and not have to hide behind a mask saying "I am fine" to those who ask "how are you doing"<br />
Some of the tears have been tears of anguish at friends who I perceived to have been insensitive ( I know Penny.... I should think well of others and I am trying )...some have been tears FOR my friends whose burdens are heavier than mine and I haven't been able to help them at all...<br />
<br />
I will very briefly list some of the life happenings that have caused me to lean very heavily on friends so much....I wont go into huge details because I am hoping the meds kick in before 3am and I actually get some sleep..!<br />
<br />
*House move.....packing up two houses...oh you def need friends for that...<br />
*Supporting family through painful situations...( Cat and Nick). yes I needed friends for that<br />
*Living with a two year old for 6 weeks with a broken leg.!!yep..friends needed for that<br />
*Sensing all isn't well with another family development which should have been one of huge celebration as Orlaith was born but has morphed into a ten week ...so far ...journey with our third grandchild who as yet is still in hospital....oh yes a real need for friends at this time.<br />
*Realising that the feelings inside my head and thoughts weren't normal and needed medical intervention...huge thanks to the friends who pushed me into going and at times actually came and got me and drove me there!<br />
*A further realisation that I cant "fix" things....many years ago an Elder of our church went abroad for a conference and he shared that in the quiet of his room one night he said to God..."if you only have one blessing left God then please give it to my wife " I have said this to God so many times recently..."if you have only one left...give it to Cat and Nick and as I know God never runs out of blessings...I blatantly ask...give to Andrew and Limara for baby Orlaiths healing.<br />
*My Dorset buddy who has the word cancer hanging over her I regularly ask God...."don't run out of blessing before you heal her "<br />
*Having to try out 3 different meds to try and get my anxiety under control and one of which had an awful side effect called oral dystonia which basically meant I couldn't string two words together as my jaw clicked and my tongue did weird things...the family all said I was speaking Klingon...which got worse under stress<br />
*Three separate prangs on my lovely car one of which ended up like an episode of the keystone cops as the police who saw me have a disagreement with a bollard at entrance to car park followed me in and as mentioned above I became a Klingon who was trying to explain what had happened...Mr Police Jobsworth asked if I had been drinking....hahahahahaha ....said the Klingon woman (where are your friends then when you need an interpreter )...long story short.he insisted I blow into this weird thing ..and apparently its best of three..so there I was 9.45 am in car park blowing away...he then asked me when was the last time I had drunk alcohol as he was about to say I needed to go to station and give a blood test because I was obviously unable to speak...I answered quite truthfully...last Christmas...I truly am not a drinker and I thought best not to mention the meds!!...The Klingon had humanised itself by then and so off they went having totally ruined my morning.<br />
*I made myself go to Academy where a couple of the students were doing their preaching class and as always the tears drip...I have learnt though that Academy friends are a safe bunch and I don't need to run and hide from them..friends who just accept me and love me in Academy are so very precious and they ALWAYS keep my seat for me...<br />
*Following that we went to vets with our old pooch...and we knew what was coming and l knew it was time to let him go the the kennel in the sky...we haven't yet made the date as need a wee bit more time with him and also let family know...Oskar has been just the best,,I am not sentimental...he is a dog..he doesn't sleep on my bed nor does he sit on our furniture but he is still a huge part of all our lives so at some point in next few days our lovely vet will come to the house and do the necessary with us saying our goodbyes and I know I will need friends then too...strangely enough the vet herself is a friend and was so tenderly kind to us.<br />
<br />
These points are only a very small picture of what life has been like for me...I still cant fix or be fixed...I still cant make commitments cos I know I may break them and this includes haircuts !! I still maybe hurt my friends but I have to finish by telling you about an avalanche of friendship on Friday evening.<br />
<br />
I had decided to have a "soiree" and ask friends who have loved me through the last 5 months...way too many to name but due to random circumstances I knew I would have the house to myself and it was an ideal time to have a girly night.....and in a moment of madness I invited any of them to sleepover if they wanted to..! Bear in mind the average age was possibly 50...!!! but what the heck...I needed some friendship and altho when we got home from vets on Thursday every part of my being was saying NOOOOOOOOOO cancel it ..I decided I really couldn't do this and I had to go ahead with it....<br />
<br />
If you are familiar with the phrase "dirty stop outs "..(maybe a Scottish phrase) then this pretty much described the 19 (at last count ) friends who descended on me..bringing the gifts of beer..wine champagne..popcorn...fruit....flowers...nibbles of all colours and tastes...and the crowning jewel was the chocolate fountain....oh my...I could just live with this object and do without friends (!)...at one point a few hours into the evening they were like vultures round a dead body scrabbling for the last marshmallow and I swear I saw one friend actually dip her face in but I cant be sure. We topped it up and another friend mixed the choc with Baileys Irish Cream...it was sublime...everyone needs a friend like that. Fortunately the evening was relatively warm and we all had wraps and cardis outside our bodies and alcohol inside and the chiminea was blasting out warmth to all...by this time most of my sensible and driving friends were leaving,,,but the dirty stop outs were still here at 1am in the garden just laughing and crying and telling stories...we all need friends who know our stories. But more important than the pressies..the gifts ..the flowers...more important that anything else was their presence in my life....they ranged from a friend who I hadn't seen in 15 years who crocheted a beautiful blanket for Orlaith....to the friend who first introduced me to church and then led me to Jesus...there were friends whose children I had cared for...friends who perhaps we had only walked the same journey over the years...friends from Academy who we all told them naughty stories discussing the many different words in different languages for farting!!....we happen to also have three cockerels living next door who regularly joined in with us as we got louder and louder ....all in all an avalanche of friendship with the theme of reality running through it....we weren't pretending we were being REAL....at one point in the evening..the chiminea set off all the smoke alarms...I went up and closed all the windows and as I looked out at my friends I just began to weep and sat on my bed mopping up the waterproof (yeah right ) mascara whist I waited to get myself together enough to go back down...one precious friend who noticed I was missing came to find me and another gift was handed over freely...a hug...costs nothing but worth its weight in gold..<br />
<br />
I am on the last bit as it is almost 3,30 am and I am sure my meds MUST kick in soon (please God)..the dirty stop outs all headed to bed...about 1.30 am but unbeknown to three of them I had planned a secret meeting in my bedroom with a friend who I have shared more Tena Lady pads with over the last 25 years than with anyone else...she had brought maltesers and we planned to have an hour to catch up sharing the bed and cup of tea... glass of baileys and our maltesers...well would you believe it another dirty stop out saw and heard us sneaking about...so in she came too...I think 3am came and went before we all went to our own beds...<br />
<br />
So what am I saying through this blog entry....I am trying to be really spiritual and Godly and cant for the life of me think of a scripture that I could leave you with...(blame the meds )...but apart from saying a hugely understated THANK YOU to all those who came and all those who were unable to come and all those too far away for me to actually invite...I just know that some deep healing work was done through every person who touched my life Friday evening/night/morning.....I think I managed to have a decent conversation with nearly everyone but even just sitting watching and listening to them all catching up with each other...some that they hadn't seen each other in years or who were going through painful times themselves was medicine to my spirit...as I say often at the moment I haven't cried so much ever..I can honestly say I haven't laughed so much for a very long time...the gift of friendship is way more precious than I had ever realised until this year...its Gods gift to a broken world and its sometimes the only way through the broken-ness...None of my circumstances have changed at all but some of the pain involved has been shared out amongst my friends who willingly carry some of it for me and this is the most precious thing of all..People often say that happiness is dependant on circumstances but that JOY is dependant on God...let me tell you this is true....<br />
<br />
I could go on and on....In the last ten weeks I have felt that all I had done was let my friends and family down..failing to be the fixer of past years...unable to help them ...making commitments to meet and then cancelling...causing pain to them....isolating myself...and in the Academy just unable to actually be there. I felt especially bad for my friend and line manager that I was totally unable to be a friend to her as she and her hubby hit the wall in shock and surprise at a totally unexpected diagnosis of cancer..I was nowhere to be seen and especially for my Sunday Academy commitments I just lost momentum and I let the team down ( and starve )...hopefully pastries and goodies coming your way over last month of Academy in July<br />
<br />
In all of this..... friends from all seasons and eras of my life propped me up....God gave us the gift of friendship...we all of us need friends who we can be real with and I am daily thanking God that the phrase " yeah I am fine" doesn't have to be one I trot out on a regular basis.<br />
<br />
May you all know the blessings of friendship today and forever.....<br />
<br />
<br />
irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-71756788018797625572013-06-17T01:39:00.001+01:002013-06-17T01:39:37.886+01:00The Local Church Is the Hope of the World. One of my heroes is Bill Hybels who leads Willow Creek Church in Chicago ...Our church here in Bracknell hosts the DVD Global Leadership Conference every year and I get to serve and absorb some amazing truths from world class leaders both Christian and secular leaders ... BUT somehow or other I still keep hearing in my mind ...my heart..and my spirit....Bills Mantra...The Local Church Is the Hope of the World. Several years ago Chris and I had the immense privilege in flying to Chicago to attend the GLS live and again heard Bill Hybels say over and over again The Local Church is the Hope of the World. I am sold out on this in every fibre of my being and never more so than by my experience today at my church.<br />
<br />
If you haven't been following my blog or known how tough life has been for not just me but my family....I wont go into too much detail but suffice to say our daughter and husbands third IVF ended in miscarriage again and my son and his partner had the gorgeous Orlaith Rae 9 weeks ago....sadly Orlaith has been in SCBU at local hospital for 7 weeks then was taken to Southampton for surgery to put in central lines....we were hoping and praying for a bed to be made available at Great Ormond Street ( GOSH ) as they are only 1 of the 2 hospitals in UK to have specialist units to deal with condition. We heard two weeks ago she was going to be moved to the other specialist unit....in Manchester and our hearts sank..how could we support them and how could Andrew get to work in London..it just seemed such a let down...we prayed and asked others to pray and in the early hours of the morning they had a call from GOSH to say they had prioritised Orlaith and would take her...so at 5am she was off to GOSH <br />
<br />
In the midst of all this I have been having what I thought was depression....and began to seek help through my doctor..who is another of my heroes...he has been my doctor for 29 years and he is just lovely....so I have felt respected and treated with dignity despite the fact I cry and snot all over him each week....we have had several changes of medication and the strongest sleeping tablets he can prescribe.All meds have various side effects and 1 in 500 can develop oral/facial dystonia...this meant I couldnt string two words together and Chris reckons I was speaking Klingon...this was extremely upsetting and I felt isolated....Doctor took me off the meds that day and prescribed plain diazepam,,,which he hoped would settle my speech and it has done so and I rarely speak Klingon at all. I am having blood tests and a couple of other investigations before he changes medication again.<br />
<br />
To make matters worse I have had several disagreements with road bollards and entrances to car parks and the pillars out side our home resulting in probably 1000 .00 of damage to my car and now not able to drive at all till doctor sorts me out...hey ho...and the final horrid thing happened over a Facebook Folly (see previous blog)...so after tonight I am shutting down my Facebook account as it has been and a techie friend is going to reset it for with a suberb amount of security so that hopefully what happened a week ago will never happen again.<br />
<br />
Bringing it all back to my title about the The Local Church being the Hope of the World...for about 10 weeks I have been so poorly and unable to get to Academy nor serve in my usual role and haven't been to Sunday meetings for such a long time and it was with huge anxiety I was kinda persuaded by my daughter that I was going !!!...I was very anxious all the way there but let me tell you what happened when we arrived at the car park....I wont name any names but you know who you are....<br />
<br />
One friend said hello and asked me how I was..she could see I was slightly wobbly and she linked arms and walked all the way to the church just chatting and ensuring I was okay....I had a text from another friend to say she was keeping me seats.....I then settled in front of great friends who I realised were having the thanksgiving mtg for the cute little Georgia....I went over to K2 with Cat cos I really felt I needed to show my face but didn't want to stay or go over on my own...several friends hugged me and said how much they missed me.....I then had ten mins chat with some one who is only just pregnant and she just loved on me big time....on way back over to main building I saw another friend who had had some problems with anxiety a couple of years ago and and we had a hug,..several hugs.....then I was crept up on by my amazing great buddy who sat me down and just talked about Academy and what may happen and how was I feeling and coping....of course by this time I had missed most of the meeting and gone through loads of tissues and we walked in together and she was making sure in the nicest possible way that I was actually going back in .<br />
Then on way out ...as the rest of the family were by this time wondering if they should just have left me sleeping...one of my oldest and dearest friends jumped out of her car and we made an arrangement to meet up....in between all of this at least 4 or so more friends just gently asked how I was and hugged me and of course the legendary RV gave me one of the best hugs as per usual.<br />
<br />
So how does this tie up with my title....The Local Church is the Hope of the World...well all I can say is that the world is full of hurting people who need to experience all that I experienced today....my local church today filled me with hope that I was doing okay...I was loved and missed by so many precious people and I came home knowing that God uses the local church to bring hope and healing to a hurt and broken world...one person at a time...today was my turn.<br />
<br />
Finally I am closing Facebook today....you wont be able to access my blog unless you go to link and sign up for email or let me know and I can do what is easiest for you by emailing it straight into your inbox but try the subscribe button first...I will be back on Fbook in a couple of weeks and it will probably be by friends request only...If you wish to send me a request please do so and I will pop you back on.....and finally finally finally....my love and thanks to all of you not just for today but for years of love and caring and support and encouragement<br />
<br />
Love to all Irene Mirene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-69915867573390515892013-06-09T22:05:00.001+01:002013-06-09T22:05:36.887+01:00Facebook FollyToday I made a decision to shut down my Facebook account. I announced that I had "culled" some 30 or so "friends" on my list for the reasons listed here;<br />
<br />
People I never see<br />
People who I don't actually know apart from their names<br />
People who are decades younger than me and to be honest I reckon they sent me friend requests in a bid to get the highest number of friends <br />
People who I rarely read their status nor they mine<br />
People ...as above who I rarely comment on nor they mine.<br />
People who use consistently bad language or blasphemy<br />
People who inadvertently get hacked and then pass on a virus to my laptop ( three times in last 4 months )<br />
<br />
I notified some of them as I had contact details and explained why..most of them were fine and one or two thought they may even do the same...and I wont even begin to bore you with the awful things some people feel the need to express for something as unimportant as a social media tool.<br />
<br />
Now....of course if I actually knew how to shut the jolly thing down I would have but so far I cant do more than log out..!! I perhaps should have found out exactly how to do it before announcing it to the world....Techie daughter will sort me out when I next see her I am sure.. I plan to post this link on Facebook anyway to maybe explain a few things and let my family and friends know what is happening.<br />
<br />
As an Academy student for one of my written essays I wrote about social media...I was more than delighted to get a "distinction" mark for it...if anyone wants to read it then email me and I will happily send a copy..I am truly proud of the essay ...sorry if that sounds boastful but at 58 to go back into a learning environment and get top mark was so rewarding.<br />
<br />
Let me give you some background re my techie skills. I first had a mobile phone ten years ago..it was the size of a small text book...I had a "pay as you go " and 25.00 per year saw me with change every time. I never switched it on as I couldn't hear it ring..it had no vibrate as an alternative and I only used it because I cared for children with disability and childminding so needed it for emergencies only.My family and friends laughed at me and in an effort to rejoin the human race I purchased a Nokia clam.....oh this was fab...it was tiny and wowzer.. it had a photo thingy.!! I still went 25.00 a year and got change and it was 2 years before I took a photo and another year before I learnt to text.<br />
<br />
I joined the family of laptop owners 4 years ago and began with..emailing...blogging...and then facebooking...I had absolutely no interest in twittering tweeting myspace-ing and all the other "things" but when Elisha my grandson came along I really wanted to let the whole world know about him....some of you may remember those "did I tell you I was a granny "days with status galore about this gorgeous child who rocked our world.<br />
<br />
For me....Facebook is my way of blessing and being blessed...I have found friends from all over the world and from all eras of my life...Caroline in Amsterdam who I have known for 53 years....Sandra and Janie in Scotland who I have known for 44 years and 40 years....respectively . I have shared life with my sister in Canada and all the distant relatives over there...I have shared in the lives of my brother and all his family and almost weekly see pics of my grand niece and nephew and most of our family at some time of other will post or PM me. I love being a part of the community that live locally and are part of my work or my church...again joining in with their celebrations...or their mourning..or their ups and downs of daily life. Hopefully anyone reading my status or looking at my pics mostly feel the same.<br />
<br />
For the last 3 months we have had a fair bit of distress in our little family down here in darkest Sandhurst...Cat and Nick had a third IVF cycle which resulted in a miscarriage...then my son and his partner had our grand daughter and sadly all is not well with this precious little one....most of my posts at that time reflected some of the anguish we were all feeling....most people responded with love and empathy and prayers. It is with a huge amount of distress and trauma to let you know that I has several PMs and emails which after reading I wanted to vomit the ugliness and horror out of my mind.Then to add to that I began to feel unwell...I am not going to go into details with that ...suffice to say I have been attending my doctor and have been using medication to try and ease the emotional trauma and pain...I am NOT blaming Fbook for the way I am now I know that anxiety and depression have a chemical base but is made worse by stress and distress.<br />
<br />
A few weeks ago I blocked an old and good friend mainly because she worded her response to me in a way that I perceived to be hurtful ...I blocked it immediately because two of my other friends leaped into the thread and began to say horrid things about her...remember these were people who don't actually know each other ...they only know through me..I hope that my friend didn't get to read what they said but I also know I hurt the friend by blocking her. That event sent me into a real spiral and for at least 6 weeks now I haven't been on any kind of top form. I have functioned quite cheerfully within the home..my work..my family and a very small handful of close friends. Even with that I haven't wanted to actually leave the house only seeming to be okay with emails or texts. I have ventured out several times and its been " okay " for very short times and with a couple of friends who I am so at ease with ..as well as my family. I was so anxious about going to see Orlaith last week ..it was a train and two tube changes but meds and Catriona saved the day and we spent a gorgeous afternoon with both Andrew and Limara and Orlaith...imagine my joy when I got to hold her ...being careful of all her IVs and tubes and central lines...My heart ache as eased as I sang..."you canny shove yer granny aff a bus " and I swear she joined in....then Auntie Cat got to feed her...so lovely and normal and together with Andrew and Limara having a meal with them..oh so lovely.!<br />
<br />
The decision today to "pull the plug".(.at least when I actually find out how to do it ) was mainly about our new grand daughter Orlaith...she has been in SCBU in Frimley since she was born and last week after 7 weeks trying to stabilise her condition she was admitted to Great Ormond Street Hospital (GOSH) which is only one of the two centres in UK which can deal with her condition. She is now 8 weeks old and is the light of her mummy and daddy's world and you will of course now know I am a granny again!!.. it has only been recently that Orlaiths mummy and daddy have said it was okay to post pics of the wee girly onto Fbook One of my " friends " last night must have searched through loads of internet "funnies" and saw one which she said looked like Orlaith....I hope and pray that neither of Orlaiths mummy or daddy saw the pics side by side on this friends thread as I superhumanly deleted at the speed of light and sadly a whole bunch of stuff including some of the precious ones we were able to take of Elisha and Orlaith together...I had a PM from the "friend" who said it was meant to be funny (!).... I haven't yet replied to her yet ...probably wont until the words in my heart can be filtered through the spirit of God first..<br />
<br />
So my Fbook friends and family ...all those I dearly love and care for ...I am going to have a rest...I need to heal...I need to support my family...I need to find joy again....I have had lots of comments and emails and texts etc and will be in touch in some way apart from Fbook at the moment. Please feel free to text or email me too. I am hoping to continue and blog..and desperately hoping I will get back to Academy after missing so much .<strong>I will post this link on Fbook over the next couple of days BUT after that you will have to sign up to follow by email...its easy to do on the blog itself and I may also send round a contact email so you can opt in or out....I personally always follow the persons blogs I like so getting them into my email inbox means I don't miss them...</strong><br />
<br />
<strong>In my assignment I quoted a fair bit from scripture and ended with this one..."Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way and may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you " (2Thess Ch 3 )</strong><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-24630340517222055822013-06-02T21:50:00.004+01:002013-06-02T22:11:07.659+01:00GRANNYS GAP YEAR (13)The Fellowship of the MatI have just come home from a church conference for women . Its my 6th year at this conference and I really love being away from home for 3 days and enjoy the leisure time of no cooking housework or child care. I tend to go with the same friend (s) and we book our own rooms so we can have "me " time and space and privacy. The worship and teaching whilst amazing and life changing isn't what I most enjoy. <br />
<br />
What keeps me going every year is the time given over to friendship.....Everyone knows that to get the best out of anything is to spend TIME...whether it be your work...your marriage ..your hobby...everything in life requires us to make time to gain the very best out of it.<br />
<br />
I am sure I have blogged many times about friendship ....its such an important part of our lives together and even more so for me in the last 3 months as I have had several "hiccups" in my daily life. I thought for a short time that I had depression but after several sessions with my amazing doctor and trying a couple of different medications we both have concluded that its not depression but anxiety !!....<br />
<br />
For all of my life I have been a "fixer"...if its broke I want to fix it..or at least give it my very best shot at trying to fix it.. I am not referring to a laptop that has stopped working or a car that needs a new alternator....I am a fixer of people...I want everyone I know to be okay...I want my husband to be happy and satisfied with his life..his work and our relationship...I want my home to be clean and tidy...I want my work with Matt to give him a great experience when he is with us....I want Elisha to have an amazing granny day with so much love and kisses. ..I want our time spent with our eldest son and partner and my oldest grand daughter to be filled with laughter when we visit them.... I want Cat and Nick to have as many babies as God grants them...and I want to hold my newest grand daughter Orlaith and smother her gorgeous little face with granny kisses whilst her mummy and daddy sit and sup beer and eat burgers in the garden. I want my Dorset buddy who has cancer to know a sovereign healing from God and live till she is 90 years old.!!...I could list many more "wants" and write about other people and other desires as I am sure most people have similar feelings too.<br />
<br />
I want each of my friends to have all that their hearts desire....and if I hear any whisper from them that I can possibly fulfil then I will happily aim to fix it for them. If they want a lift...I can do that..if they need some company..yep I can do that...if they need to pour out their burdens then I will carry them ...if they have a prayer request..yep call on me...I am a fixer by nature and a fixer by desire too. I never have felt it a heavy load it comes naturally to me to try...<br />
<br />
BUT ...this last three months I have realised in a heart stopping head on collision kind of way that I CANT be a fixer all the time....This is what my doctor and I discussed last time we met. I cant fix everyone...all the time...of everything....and after years and years of trying and more often that not succeeding in fixing whatever has been needed there are still many things I may never fix. This is what has been the underlying cause of the "hiccup" I am experiencing. The anxiety is buried way down deep in my spirit that I cant fix certain things...I cant wave magic wands and make things better for everyone and I have found that quite hard to cope with..<br />
<br />
In the last three months in particular...with Cat and Nick going through their 3rd IVF cycle...moving house....and then the excitement with baby Orlaith arriving .... .I was having trouble sleeping...not being able to concentrate..not wanting to leave the house ..sleeping during the day...crying for no real reason.....and a handful of other "hiccups" manifested itself and forced me to the visit the doctor.<br />
<br />
As I have been away this last few days I have had time to think...to pray...to find a spacious place just to hear God and feel his peace fill me....I know I am on a journey. I am reminded of the trilogy The Lord of the Rings and I think the first film was called "the fellowship of the ring?" it brought to mind the assignment I wrote for Academy. We were asked to write about a character in scripture that we identified with and relate what was written to our own lives. I chose the character who was crippled that had four friends who carried him to Jesus on a mat and lowered him through the roof so that Jesus could heal him. I didn't actually write about him but wrote about the four friends.I like to think of these four as "the fellowship of the mat " Frodo would never have won through without the help of his friends.....I am 100% convinced that no one can get by in life without friends and friends who are able and willing to be mat carriers. Its a two way journey...at times we need to be carried and other times we carry their mats..its a journey...a fellowship...that is God centred and unconditional.<br />
<br />
This man would never have been able to get his healing...wouldn't have been able to get near to Jesus if his friends hadn't carried him . I wrote about the friends who over the years had carried me (figuratively ) on my mat into the presence of Jesus...whether for healing or prayer or company or whatever I needed they carried my mat. In these last three months when I have had to lay myself back down onto my "mat" I haven't been able to get near to Jesus myself...BUT my friends have picked up a corner of my mat and broke through the crowds and pressed into Jesus and taken me with them...I have had cards...texts..letters...flowers..visits....prayers...FBook funnies..hugs..hand holding..shoulders to lean and cry on.....lunches...cuppas....walks...my mat is getting carried ever closer to my saviour my healer and I can actually breathe again without the anxiety that had begun to cripple me .<br />
<br />
I am not going to suddenly leap of the mat and start fixing again because I know this season for me is to rest and let God take me ever closer to him where I can leave my anxiety and leave all the things and people I want to fix for him .My daughter and hubby were unsuccessful with their IVF cycle so I need to lay that anxiety down at the foot of the cross..and wait for God to heal the ache in my heart ...My new grand daughter Orlaith is 7 weeks old and hasn't been out of SCBU and is now at Great Ormond Street and I need to lay that anxiety down at the foot of the cross and wait for God to heal her and bring her home and soothe the ache I feel in my heart for Orlaith and her mummy and daddy....I need to lay the anxiety I carry about my Dorset buddy at the foot of the cross and ask again and again for God to heal her and to dry the tears I have shed for her and to enjoy the times I have with her as a gift.<br />
<br />
Yesterday at the conference as we all sat on the terrace having tea and biscuits after an amazing worship session and teaching..I had a text from Orlaiths mummy and daddy with a wee picture of her all wrapped in a blanket in a cot in Great Ormond Street....I knew under the blanket that she had IV lines and NG tubes and all sorts of medical stuff but she looked just beautiful with her gorgeous black hair and squidgy cheeks....and as I sat there in the sunshine listening to the chatter of my friends I could feel the anxiety taking root ...it would have been so easy to just sit there and ignore the feelings and hide and let everyone think I was fine...but the eyes began to leak and the breathing became harder as I felt my heart beating faster....I reached out to the friend on my left and whispered "I need a hug"....she wrapped me in her arms....one other friend leaned over and held my hand...another friend tucked a tissue to wipe the snot away whilst the others I guess carried a little of my ache as I talked to them.....its tough being on the mat....but how much tougher would it be without mat carriers .....My final whisper ....are you on a mat.?? do you need to lay down for a season and let others carry your mat??....or are you in a season of bravery ..strength and confidence that you could carry someone else on their mat??irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-86364380742974645912013-05-04T22:56:00.001+01:002013-05-04T22:56:27.279+01:00THE OPEN WINDOWThis last few weeks have been weeks of discovery. The first main discovery is I am not as strong as I have always thought...wow that's a shocker for me. !! I am a 58 year old survivor of a pretty crappy childhood who together with Chris have morphed into an amazing family who at worst have got a little drunk and made messes of their lives but at best we have survived the teen dramas and have now three amazing grown adult children who all have great partners and the true blessings of three wonderful grandchildren ..one from each..and we can remember lots of fun family times over decades together and continue to love spending time together.<br />
<br />
But some where along the last few weeks I have been a blip on the family landscape. Not going to go into details but have been doing a lot of thinking and asking questions of both myself and God and others too and my closest answer is wrapped up in the following story....you will need to read between the lines as its sort of allegorical in the telling.<br />
<br />
Before we moved to England 29 years ago we lived in a rural cottage on a farm....no noise apart from chickens and the odd moo cow and then once a year the combine harvesters but we could leave our windows open all year round EXCEPT combine time as we then get covered with corn mites...tiny black insects that didn't do us any harm just covered everything.....so if we saw the combines then we made sure the windows were all closed.<br />
<br />
Then we lived in Ashbourne in Great Hollands for 21 years.,...all our living accommodation eg living rooms and bedrooms were at the back of the house so we were shielded from traffic noise if the windows were open...as I insist nearly all year round. Seven years ago we moved again to Nutley and once more we had all the living accommodation at the back and little or no noise in garden as we backed onto a path and woods so again nice quiet and open windows.<br />
<br />
Since moving to Sandhurst our living accommodation is still to the back of the house but we have a very busy road literally a few yards from the house and the noise is pretty loud. Last week we had tree loppers and they lopped several feet off the top of two trees and boy do we now hear even more noise. Its has got soooooo intrusive that I find I am having to close the windows on our apartment and then struggle with the warmth and heat rising situation.<br />
<br />
I haven't had intrusive noise for many decades so find it hard to not let it bother me and I now open windows in day and close at night.<br />
<br />
So why am I waffling all about opening and closing windows......For me my heart and my spirit is like an open window....<br />
my heart says ...yes its okay its only a little "extra"...<br />
my heart says ...yes..I am "okay "....No that's "fine" . <br />
my spirit says ......yes I can "pray for them " ,,<br />
my spirit says ......yes I can "offer help" <br />
my heart says ......yes I can "volunteer"...<br />
my heart says...... yes I can write this " assignment" <br />
my heart and spirit say ..... yes I can do " 10 /10 Preach "<br />
<br />
Then I realise that I have OPENED THE WINDOW and all the traffic noise is just crashing in and I reckon I have just got overwhelmed.....its too noisy in my head...too noisy in my heart ....too noisy in my spirit.<br />
<br />
The best thing I have done over this last month is SHUT THE WINDOW and have now realised I need to prioritise the " noises " in ...my job...my family...my relationships...my God.,...my entire life.Its not going to happen today..or tomorrow but I am working at it...I am re-learning how to live in a "noisy " place and how to get to the place where I know the noise needs to be deadened by the simple act of "shutting " the window<br />
irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-13103503349382462002013-04-11T15:10:00.000+01:002013-04-11T15:10:05.236+01:00RESCUE MEYou know those days when you drive your car and the fuel needle warns you its time to fill your tank.... its just running low and you know just how long you can go until you REALLY need to get to a garage and fill up. If you are anything like me you continually press the button and see just exactly how many more miles you have got ...its like a wee game..I say to myself ...still got 43 miles ...so I potter on and then check again and it says 21 miles and then its a race to see where the nearest garage is and in I go and fill it right up.!! Phew...no breakdown..no embarrassing call to hubster to say come and rescue me with a can of diesel.So far in more than 35 years of driving I have never run out of fuel but it doesn't stop me from playing the "game" and trying to beat the odds of breaking down.<br />
<br />
This week I have come to realise that my spiritual life is a little like that "game" I run myself along in every season and pay no attention to the internal warning light that blinks at me and says "running low"...I keep going and seem to be ignorant of all the warning signs that should by now have prompted me to stop and get to a "garage" for a fill up.<br />
<br />
For many years I have played this spiritual game and until this week I have always won....kept going taking the odd "lay by" to take a break and pulled into the "service stations " along the way but never really reached a complete place of empty tank where I needed to call on someone or something to come and RESCUE ME.<br />
<br />
This week....I have run out ..my tank is empty...I am in need of RESCUE....I have finally admitted that its time to head for the hills and rest up and fill up and let the one who set out to RESCUE me 2000 years ago have some time with me and set my feet back on the rock and help me to lift my "eyes to the hills" where my help comes from and to lay down..not just my burdens at the foot of the cross but to lay down my entire body,mind,spirit and soul there too. For this moment in time its the only safe place for me to be.<br />
<br />
I also have recognised that I need some medical help too....depression cant be cured by<br />
"pulling myself together "<br />
"counting my blessings"<br />
"offering help to those more needy"<br />
"reading scripture " <br />
"praying more"<br />
"getting to church more "<br />
"being busy "<br />
<br />
oh....if only....my heart cries...if only...<br />
<br />
So ...doctors kind and gentle manner have helped me to see that taking medication isn't a weakness but a much needed aid to get me to a place where I can begin to see into the future...where the light shines into the darkness of my soul...and so it begins...<br />
<br />
The Rescue starts within and reading Psalm 18 and taking one small tablet every day until I can begin to believe it and live it out.<br />
I am not an invalid...I am not unable to function...I am still me ..just not whole at this present time. Don't feel sorry for me...don't treat me any different... don't avoid me.....don't worry about me....I am in the hands of the greatest RESCUER of all time and I am trusting him for today...then for tomorrow and then the day after until my feet are secure again.<br />
<br />
Psalm 18..".He brought me out into a spacious place and he rescued me because he delighted in me "<br />
<br />
I am waiting for the "spacious place" to come my way.....<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-74274384886245291462013-03-10T15:15:00.003+00:002013-03-10T15:15:56.355+00:00KONSTRUCTION KREWWhat better day to write a blog entry about Children's Work than on Mothers Day.! This blog entry has been simmering slowly in my spirit for weeks and yet haven't got round to writing it but feel today is as good a time as any to tell you about the incredible group we have in church every Sunday.<br />
<br />
I am serving in Konstruction Krew ( ages 5-11 ) as part of my Academy Year. I have worked with children for decades and always avoided serving in this age group at church ...kinda thought that if I had them Monday to Friday that Sunday was my day off.! When I interviewed for Academy I chatted to several different leaders looking for the right place for me to serve and pretty much made the decision as soon as I talked to Yvonne Scott who is the Children's Pastor..that Konstruction Krew was for me. Those of you who know Yvonne will know she has a passion for bringing the full gospel to children of any age and I caught her vision early on in my year. Yvonne is outstanding as both a leader and a pastor. The team thrive on her leadership and I am amazed that at her age (!) she has the energy to serve at both morning meetings week after week and still work full time and still get to evening meeting and still help at Alpha.YIKES..I have a hard act to live up to. I also have the privilege of calling her one of my closest friends and know that a fair number of the team would agree with me that she is outstanding.<br />
<br />
The team deserves a huge round of applause as they serve each week....some of them cover both meetings and some even serve two Sundays out of four. We have a youth worship band who come and lead the children once a month and then get stuck in leading the groups as well as leading us all in some amazing worship times. I think the average age of Revolution band who serve us is about 15 years old....I am gobsmacked at the talent and gifting they have and the heart to serve the children is such a blessing. In this life the "world" offer up role models who are nothing more than empty shells and its so great that our children get to see role models who base their lives on Jesus and live it out in front of them.<br />
<br />
Every member of our teams deserve an accolade and I know there is probably a huge round of applause in heaven with angels delighting and God rejoicing.....<br />
*every time one of the team introduce a child to Jesus and helps them pray the ABC prayer..<br />
*every time a team member prays with a child because they have shared a hurt or an ache in their lives..<br />
*every time a team member helps a child who has never been before to settle in...<br />
*every time one of the buddy team who help us with children with special needs allows a parent to be in the adult meeting knowing their child is safe and enjoying the morning<br />
*every time a leader gets to see a child respond for baptism...<br />
*every time a team member prays with a child perhaps for their parent or a school situation<br />
*every time a visitor arrives and is greeted by a team member who welcomes both them and their child..<br />
<br />
I rarely leave a Sunday without a time of thanksgiving in my heart that God has allowed me to serve with Konstruction Krew...I am pretty sure its not going to be my "calling" in the future as I am mainly involved with the team rather that the actual children but I do get to see and be a part of it all and I go through tissues every week as God moves my heart at the way the children respond to the teaching.<br />
<br />
I have seen children become Christians...I have seen children respond for prayer for healing and seen healings happen. ..I have seen children respond for baptism and then seen them give outstanding testimony about how God has entered their lives...I have seen children pray big prayers and then rejoiced with them when God has answered them...I have seen shy children pray out loud for the first time...I have seen young children acting so mature and sharing what they feel God is saying...I have seen huge numbers of children "gunging" the leaders amidst hilarity and managed to survive so far without being gunged more than once ! I have seen children cry...laugh...be naughty.... say sorry....hug their sibling...hold hands with friends...share some deep hurts....I have seen children faithfully bringing their tithe into the storehouse each week....Oh I could write for hours at what I have seen week by week and never tire of thanking God that he planted me in this ministry for such a time as this.<br />
<br />
This morning as we celebrated Mothers Day..we had something like 36 children at the 9am meeting and over 80 at the 11am meeting...seem to think this may have been a record ...but somehow or other God must have known each child that would be there because we also had new team members who started today too...phew !! and I cant write a blog about Konstruction Krew without telling you about the amazing apprentices we have on the team...This a group of children in years 5 and 6 who each week serve alongside the adult leaders and with me as part of the hospitality team. I am literally in awe of these children ...they arrive early and stay late and set up drinks and give out refreshments and wash up in kitchen and help the leaders with the small group time . I see these children serve alongside the tech team..the receptionists...the teachers...and I know we couldn't function as well as a coherent whole without them. Recently we met with just the apprentices for a pizza and pudding lunch and had some brainstorming ideas and this bunch of 9 - 11 year old will be actually planning and organising and leading one of our Sunday morning meetings in April...so watch this space...they are the leaders in their generation and God is smiling week by week on these youngsters.<br />
<br />
Let me also tell you about the Konstruction Krew team who are led by Guy Standen...this is a group who serve Konstruction Krew by getting there at the crack of dawn and setting up all the props and the chairs and laying out all the tables and chairs and sorting out the different rooms and then 5 hours later putting everything away again....I have tried each week to beat them in by arriving before 8am but in 6 months I haven't yet managed it (!) ...this gang serve us in security and tech and Ops and in more ways than I can remember ...Guy...you are a gem and may God bless each of your team ....we couldn't do what we do without you all doing what you do<br />
<br />
And finally let me finish saying if you are reading this blog and you have children in this age group...they are a blessing to us....if you are reading this blog and you are part of the team..join with me in thanking God for each and every one of the children...if you are reading this and you want to know more about serving ..either in Konstruction Krew or maybe going on the Academy Year then get in touch with us.irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-88231124825891896322013-03-09T21:38:00.001+00:002013-03-09T21:38:49.465+00:00GRANNYS GAP YEAR (12)Officially half way through the Academy year and all I can say is ...WOW....I am having so much fun.If I thought my life had been "same old..same old " for the last few years then I can definitely say that its a roller coaster time and I am so loving it...<br />
.<br />
I wondered at how it would be amongst so many young people and whether or not I would fit in and how it would all work especially with 6 of the young gang being from overseas. <br />
<br />
I wondered how I would cope with the "serving"side of things having to be in Konstruction Krew EVERY Sunday from 8am till 12.45<br />
<br />
I wondered how I would find the "academic " side of the year with the teaching..the theology...the assignments.<br />
<br />
I wondered how it would be to take part in the "preaching" class with Ben Davies.<br />
<br />
I wondered if I would ever be able to stand in front of the both the Academy students and then the church and preach a message.<br />
<br />
I wondered how I would find the time whilst continuing to work full time...childmind Elisha..move house and still be a friend a wife a mum.<br />
<br />
I wondered what I would feel when at church events such as conferences that rather than enjoy being on the Welcome team which also allows me to be in the meetings I would have to be "behind" the scenes in the kitchen and cleaning the toilets.<br />
<br />
In answer to all my "wonderings" all I can say is that God is good. He knew I needed a change ..He knew I needed to get out of the rut (nothing wrong with the rut I was in...some ruts are just seasons of life but mine had worn thin and needed to be re-treaded !). He knew that I was ready to be stretched and challenged and changed and I may never be the same again. I already am thinking ahead to graduation and wondering "what next ".<br />
<br />
The Academy students are just the best gang...Sixteen completely different characters...ages...cultures..countries and abilities and yet I love each one of them for who they are and what they bring not just to Academy but to the community of our church family. The leaders who have come in week after week and shared theology...life lessons...personal stories have all been outstanding . I have learnt so much about the bible..about God..about Jesus..about church life...and some behind the scenes glances sneaky peeks at various leaders lives which for someone who is as nosy as me that's been a real bonus. Dont worry guys..<br />
<br />
."whats shared at Academy ..stays at Academy"<br />
<br />
In the last two weeks we all had to give a ten minute preach about a character in the bible with whom we identify and to give reasons why and relate to events both in the characters lives and ours that God used and intervened in. What a challenge for us all and I have been transfixed listening to all our different stories. Some very honest...some hesitant...some tearful...some theological...yet all distinctly different. Several of the students had never done anything like this before and if given the choice would have ran a mile and yet I am full of admiration for them and they rose to the occasion and did themselves proud and honoured God.<br />
<br />
I am still the oldest by far and even the next one up could still be my daughter and to most of the students I could even be their granny..in fact now that I come to think of it some of the leaders coming into teach could also fit into that category BUT one thing I determined at the very start of the year was that I would be open to all that they had to share no matter who they were or how old they were. Some of the students have shared things with me at various times that have caused me to rethink or change some of how I live and for that I am incredibly grateful and realise that we all have things to offer no matter who we are or how old we are or how long we have been Christians . Just to have an open spirit and an open mind is all that's required to grow in our spirits.<br />
<br />
I am looking forward to all that is coming my way in the second half of the Academy year. Another 2 essays....another speaking assignment ...another couple of conferences to serve at...an HTB conference to go to in London and who knows what else will pop up in between. Its fresh and new and exciting and if anyone reading this is wondering whether they could do Academy can I please encourage you to say YES to any prompting you may have in your spirit. Ask questions of any of the students ...ask me...ask Ben Pocock...it really will challenge you and inspire you and move you a lot closer to God and give you the thrill of a lifetime as well as change you forever.irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-86896213666112219912013-02-25T20:36:00.000+00:002013-02-25T20:36:30.160+00:00FREE RECOVERYIts amazing how and when God speaks to me....sometimes I "hear " him in my spirit or when I am reading his word..or worship-ing....and other times he just leaps into my heart and begins to show me a truth in a new way. I love it when this happens and today it happened so unexpectedly .!!<br />
<br />
I was driving along the M4 and in between here and Reading there are roadworks for a couple of miles with a "go slow" fifty mile speed limit. So I slowed down and began to drive within the limit and I noticed at the side of the motorway is a sign that says<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>"FREE RECOVERY ...STAY IN VEHICLE "</b><br />
<br />
This must be a sign we have all passed many times and certainly I haven't paid much attention to it in the past yet today it zapped me ! For the rest of the journey I began to "hear " God speak into my life and what is going on inside my spirit. You see for the last few days I have begun to work on a "preach" that I am doing on 3rd March...its just a 10 min slot at the 7pm meeting at church . As I have worked on it with my mentor and rehearsed it and absorbed it into my heart in the hope that when I speak that it touches people and I felt God say to me that ...<br />
<br />
".just as I have had some major work done in my life over the last 20 plus years it has only been possible because of the<br />
<br />
<b>"Free Recovery "</b> offered to me through the sacrifice of his son Jesus but also that I had to<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>"Stay in the Vehicle "....</b><br />
<br />
Seems a weird kind of thing to understand but I knew immediately what God meant....the <b>"vehicle " </b>was ( and still is ) the church...the community of believers that God has placed me in for such a time as this....<br />
<br />
We are not meant to travel through roadworks at high speed and recklessly...we are meant to slow down and if there is a problem we need to stay with the vehicle !!! I know for sure that I would not be in this place of wholeness and restoration if I had moved away from the vehicle or if I had ignored the free recovery !!<br />
<br />
I would love to think that this coming Sunday at each of the meetings ...9am 11 am and 7 pm when there will be speakers at each of them sharing what God has done and is doing...There is plenty of room in the vehicle known as Kerith Community Church and the<b> Free Recovery</b> is always there for everyone .irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-11087286332168648942013-02-14T19:44:00.002+00:002013-02-14T19:44:59.702+00:00Grannys Gap Year (11) Tears for SouvenirsWe are officially half way through the year of Academy now . So amazed to think I have completed six months and only have six more to go. What on earth will I do when it is over ?? I am trying not to think about it and just want to enjoy every moment of this God given year. I would be less than honest to say its not been hard. Finding the time to study,write,research and serve amidst a life that is already busy with work and family has been a constant tension and I know that I am very aware that I am not as young as I like to think! I get more tired as I struggle keep going . Yet it is a good "tired" not a soul searing "cant go on tired " more a " God please help me " kind of tired.Next week is a reading week which for me basically means I don't have to be at Academy for the two days in the week and don't have to serve on Sunday at the end of the week but its likely that my life will just expand into those gaps and I am pretty sure I wont actually do much " reading".<br />
<br />
The title of this post <b>" tears for souvenirs "</b> is a real throwback to an old song by singer Ken Dodd...it may well have been covered by others but he is the singer I remember mainly because my mum had the record. I am talking an old 45 vinyl and if you have no idea what that is then ask someone over 45 years of age! In the song the lyrics say something like this<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>"Tears cant mend a broken heart</b><br />
<b> Lets forgive and forget</b><br />
<b> turn our tears of regret </b><br />
<b> once more into tears of happiness"</b><br />
<br />
Each week that's gone by in Academy I have asked God to open my heart and give me ears to hear and eyes to see and have concentrated on learning all I can from the leaders who have shared their hearts with us all . As I have studied scripture and I have written notes and assignments and I have given precious time to serving each week with Konstruction Krew and served behind the scenes as part of the Academy ethos and as I have chatted and spent time with the other students and watched us all grow closer as time has gone by I have shed so many tears ,I seem to cry so much more these days and realise that God is once again softening my heart. Maybe I was dry and thirsty and didn't realise it ? Maybe I had grown hard hearted and didn't know it ? Maybe I had gotten careless of my salvation and took it for granted without being daily thankful? I don't know exactly why the tears seem to flow so easily,but I have come to welcome them and not to be afraid of them or embarrassed.<br />
<br />
Today I heard two of the students share their "preach" and both were completely different yet both challenged me in different ways. The first talked about " building " ... challenging me to look at what am I building my life on? The second spoke about "favoritism"... challenging me not to judge people on what they do but on who they are .Then I listened to one of my hero's who "critiqued" their talk expand more on what they had said. Later we had several other leaders whose words all seem to link to one another and form a theme all the way through the day. I found myself once more crying !! I have spent last hour or so on my own just reflecting on why the tears are flowing and asking God if he can show me why I am so weepy and as I said earlier I started to sing this song in my spirit. Now usually I get a churchy kind of song which resonates on repeat in my head but this time it was a golden oldie from the Diddy man !<br />
<br />
This is what I feel God is saying and doing in my life .....Over the last few months I have been doing a lot of thinking ,talking and writing about my past and realising that my tears over what was so hard to live through can never "mend a broken heart " and as I have once more prayed through all the tough times and spoken out about them God "turned my tears of regret into tears of happiness" and that only God could have accomplished this. God...through his precious son Jesus and the gift of grace given to me through his death and resurrection is the reason I have been enabled to turn my regret to happiness. So all I know is the tears may just keep on flowing and I may look back in times to come and say it was a year of tears! But I believe that I will know them as<b> "souvenirs "</b> of what God is doing. I still have six months to go so who knows how many tears have still to fall or how many tissues I may have used by Graduation Day in July.!!<br />
<br />
<b>Three</b> other very small but significant things happened today that I will end this blog entry with.<br />
One of the students said something which has taken root deep into my soul and later she leaned over and wrote something on my notebook. The combination of both the written and spoken words she shared have caused my spirit to be thankful of the restoration I have known. Let me share them briefly with you ...she first of all said something like..<br />
<br />
<b>"You are a challenge to me because you have such contentment with your life " </b><br />
<br />
Then she wrote on my notepad ....<br />
<br />
<b>"Always have a friend who has the gift of wisdom (and you are mine ) "</b><br />
<br />
and finally the thrill ( sad person I am ) of getting my assignment back with the word <b>"Distinction"</b> written on it.<br />
<br />
Yep...my<b> "tears will be souvenirs"</b> of this Academy Year.<br />
<br />irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-85285867899135909082013-02-12T19:47:00.002+00:002013-02-12T19:47:46.148+00:00The Locust YearsThis last two weeks I have been working on what our church calls a 10/10 Sunday. This an opportunity for people who the elders / leaders feel have something to share with the church community. It takes the form of 10 people speaking for 10 minutes each over the three meetings. Usually it is 3 at the 9am meeting plus 3 at the 11am meeting and 4 at the 7pm. I have been asked to speak at the 7pm meeting and given the verse from <strong>The Lords Prayer "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us "</strong> (shameless plug to please come along and be a smiling friendly face at the 7pm meeting ).<br />
<br />
I have worked on the talk for this last two weeks batting drafts to and from my fabby mentor Val Cottee and yesterday we agreed it was as ready as it ever would be so I can sign off on it and let it soak into my spirit for when I actually do the jolly thing. At the moment I am calm ,cool,and collected but I guess nearer the time I may be a little shaky and a bit of panic may slip in so please do feel free to pray for me .<br />
<br />
But...as I was preparing this "talk" God began to speak to me from this verse in Joel .There are of course loads of different translations and there are two that I like....<br />
<br />
<strong>NASB says this... "Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locusts have eaten" </strong><strong> </strong><br />
<strong>NLT says this......." The Lord says ; I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts "</strong><br />
<br />
In my 10/10 preach I speak about the years of my childhood which were chaotic and mostly full of pain and confusion and as I grew up I had no real idea of what a family was supposed to be like or how to relate well to others and I was full of hurt and anger and bitterness. I talk about the way God intervened and how over time I began a journey of forgiving others and being forgiven myself . If I am honest there were many times I wanted to run and hide from God and from my christian friends as hurt after hurt surfaced . There were things I had not shared with anyone else and I found myself almost grieving for the family I never had and wondering if I would ever know true restoration. It was a journey..at times seemingly impossible to go on but God was with me every step of the way reminding me of his love...showering me with his grace and bringing restoration and healing.<br />
<br />
Now....28 years later I can look back and see that Gods word is true.!! I may have "lost out" big time on my childhood being a growing and nurturing experience but somehow I have been enabled to create my own family and its with great joy I can say that I have loved Chris for almost 40 years ( and each year feel more and more deeply in love with him )..we have three amazing grown up children who all have spouses/partners and we have two grandchildren and a third one expected very soon who fill our hearts and lives with great joy. We may have had some tough times as they grew up ..especially as I was dealing with some fairly traumatic memories but I look at what I came from and look at where I am now and I can say with deep gratitude that God is good !<br />
<br />
If you were to ask me what my favourite activity is ? or what I would choose to do for a weekend or day out I would always say..spend time with the family . It isn't always easy to get all of us together at one time but ask them what I say and they are sure to say "when mummy has all her chicks in the one place there she will be smiling and happy ". My family of birth and childhood may not have been the best but I can see the truth of the <strong>"word "</strong> from Joel ...that God surely has <strong>"given me back and made it up to me "</strong> for the years the locusts have eaten .<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdfcU_pcnnVWVeeDG1fKTQL8_7lZhYVClSizKbywUsW4cjRLbcgfe_T_nPziLGC29W8oRwLRVJ6NCve2hAijx1wnVJbuXzgePI_PTAKJd8wGUmuBcC5XxzCtGFXiVwDw3kOhf9crcgPyE/s1600/irene+family+1962.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdfcU_pcnnVWVeeDG1fKTQL8_7lZhYVClSizKbywUsW4cjRLbcgfe_T_nPziLGC29W8oRwLRVJ6NCve2hAijx1wnVJbuXzgePI_PTAKJd8wGUmuBcC5XxzCtGFXiVwDw3kOhf9crcgPyE/s320/irene+family+1962.jpg" uea="true" width="320" /></a></div>
The photo with this entry is one of my family taken in 1962.. when I was 7 years of age...yes that cute little girly in front is me ! and its the only one in existence of our entire family. It was shortly after this photo that the family really fell apart....so I treasure this photo ...altho for years I couldn't even look at it as the pain and hurt and anger made it too hard but now I can look at it and let my heart and spirit keep on releasing grace and love into the past.I encourage you to come along to one or all of the meetings on the 3rd March...not just because I am speaking (!) but because I know that God can and will use each of the speakers to bring truth into your lives. See you there xxx<br />
irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6676006585094111478.post-61404339166181198072013-02-04T17:39:00.001+00:002013-02-04T17:39:20.170+00:00Grannys Gap Year...(10)...Be BlessedOur second assignment was a choice of a written one or we could speak it. I chose to write but several of the Academy chose to speak and at the beginning of our term we had the three brave students do their spoken "letter". The assignment was to write a letter to today's "global church " basing it loosely on Paul's Epistles. Speak words (or write words ) of exhortation and encouragement with a touch of Pauls direction. It was a fascinating topic and one I actually enjoyed doing..altho at present I don't yet have it back so no idea if my marker will have enjoyed reading it.<br />
The three students all presented completely different styles and different topics and were all sensational..I have so much respect for these "youngsters" and especially the ones for which English is not their first language. <br />
To digress slightly and then bring myself back to the point of this blog entry...for many years Ben Davies (who led Kerith before Simon Benham ) would often end his sermon by asking each section of the church to "look at me " he would say "let me see the whites of your eyes" or similar and then he would speak a blessing over us all. It would often be from scripture eg Numbers Ch 6 v22 which says <br />
<br />
<strong> The Lord bless you and keep you ;</strong><br />
<strong> The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you ;</strong><br />
<strong> The Lord turn his face towards you and give you peace </strong><br />
<br />
Every time Ben did this I would feel as if God himself was blessing me and looked forward to him doing this.<br />
<br />
So...back to the Academy speaking assignments and one of the overseas students Arvydas (RV)was speaking and every few sentences he would use the words <br />
<br />
<strong>Be Blessed </strong><br />
<br />
I am not sure how many times he actually said this but it seemed as if when he did he caught my eye so it felt as if he was saying it directly to me!! I have no idea really what else he spoke about as I was so focus-ed on those two words .( so just as well I am not a marker)<br />
<br />
<strong>Be Blessed</strong><br />
<br />
It so reminded me of the blessings Ben D used to speak over us and I truly believe there is some kind of spiritual impartation when people speak such words and since RV spoke several weeks ago I feel as if somehow I have been blessed way more than normal even altho life is busy...life is hectic,...life is pressured. <br />
(we have somehow managed to move house in the last 3 weeks too) I am overwhelmed at times with so much to do and so little time...I have a 10/10 preach coming up and a spoken assignment still to write..there are numerous boxes still to unpack in the garage ...I have no idea where anything is in the new house...my "to do" list has a life of its own and multiplies overnight (!) and yet RVs words resound in my mind and spirit on a daily basis... <strong>Be Blessed..Be Blessed ..Be Blessed </strong><br />
<br />
In the midst of all that my daily life consists of ...I am recognising tmore and more that Gods blessings are tangible and real. I have a great family.. I have great friends..I have a great job ... I get to be a part of a great Academy gang and serve with an incredible team on Sundays watching and being a part of "Inspiring a Generation for Christ" I have food to eat...clothes on my back...a lovely comfortable and warm home ..cars ...and so much more than I can ask or imagine. <br />
<br />
Since RV spoke I have been keeping a "blessing" jar and each time I reflect on Gods goodness I write out what I am feeling and pop it in the jar...it is already filling up. It may just be a small thing ..perhaps my grandson laughing which always fills my heart with joy..or it may be an encouraging text..or some flowers or a meal with friends for my birthday...or a lovely cuppa in bed with Chris...or just 20 mins of peace and silence with my bible. <strong>All Blessings</strong>...we just need to look for them with fresh eyes .<br />
<br />
I don't think for one moment that RV or indeed Ben had any idea of the impact their words have had but I know for me that it is so important to bless people with the words of our mouth and although I cant speak them to everyone who may read this I can write it in bold and capital letters in the hope that you will also feel as if God is imparting his blessing upon you .<br />
<br />
<strong>BE BLESSED</strong><br />
<br />
ps.. I also have to say that RV has the most amazing ability to hug....if you have never been hugged by RV then seek him out and have one ..they are just the best hugs ever.!!irene mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03891063021325829925noreply@blogger.com0