Shadow Of Victory

Monday, 8 July 2013


I have already written last time about the "Gap! " in my gap year....and very soon my title of Granny's Gap Year will cease to be as I am due to finish Academy in two weeks time...I say "finish" instead of " graduate" as I have missed so much in last three months I wonder if the word "graduate" really is justified...but in the grand scheme of things whether its called Graduation Sunday or just Sunday 21st July that's it .....done and dusted..

I am writing this blog entry and as you can see from the title its about another GAP...and I hear you many GAPS is this granny having and what on earth is she waffling about. This entry is because I wanted anyone who reads or follows my blog to know about I sure that everyone has had a GAP of some sort or another .

Two of the dictionary definitions of the word "GAP" is as follows

" A break in the line of defences "
"An interruption of continuity"

As a now seasoned commuter to Great Ormond Street Hospital ( GOSH ) I hear all the time the automated voice telling me " to mind the gap "after a few times I almost want to shout loudly...."okay okay I AM minding the jolly GAP...shut up !! " but of course wouldn't dream of disturbing the comatose commuters who are electronically connected to ipods...ipads...laptops ..tablets...newspapers ..books...or heaven forbid actually talking to each other and as for eye contact or a smile chance...I at times have wished for the gap to open and swallow them up. There is something altogether weird seeing people try to read newspapers on an escalator. Truly bizarre.

Any way ...these new GAPS I am talking about are surely in the definitions listed above.

1) a break in the line of defence....these last few weeks I have felt completely defenceless against all that has been happening in and around my family unit and my friends...I have lacked the emotional energy to keep pressing on ...and running the race...and lifting my eyes to the hills and standing firm on the rock and all the other keys to defending my spirit and my well being...I have been so grateful for those who have stood in the gap for me and minded my gap for me...from ironing to keeping me making me laugh letting me buying me lunch holding me when it has all got too much...thank you

2) an interruption of continuity...well I can confidently say that this last few weeks has definitely been interrupted by all sorts of family crisis...and it has affected not only Academy times...Family life. Work commitments ...Social life ( what is that again ?)..My sleep ..My health and My sense of peace....and again I am grateful for those who have hung around and held me up and pushed me on and shoved me in front and generally loved me when small pieces of snot and tears have dripped onto their clothes...

This last four days in particular has seen once more three distinct and different GAPS not so great awful and finally an amazing "interruption of continuity".

The first GAP being Cat ( my daughter ) and I gaily on our way to see the Dorset buddy...her daughter and delightful grandchild...for the first visit in a very long time so we were all excited was warm. The mummy's were going to the beach while the Dorset buddy and me caught up on life....unfortunately half way there Cat began to feel unwell...its very long story and I will brush over the 999 call on the hard shoulder of the M3 suffice to say Cat is still in hospital and now after scan and tests has got hooked up to an IV for antibiotics and hopefully home this week "the break in continuity "of our lives with Cat not being here is incredibly hard for her being stuck in a dementia ward with a gaggle of old ladies and for Nick Eli and us as we have to sort life this GAP in Granny's Gap year has meant we are all planning our days down to the last second to ensure we all get to our commitments and get to visit and sort out Elisha and again I am grateful for those who have helped us out in all of these ways.
The second GAP is once again me and this dratted anxiety...I had the dystonia sorted and was able to chat and talk quite normally and wham  "the break in continuity " happened hit me again on Friday evening by Saturday morning at 6.40am after maybe two hours sleep I woke feeling so ill....I couldn't stop shoulders felt like they were moulded to my ears I was so tense I was stuttering...the day just disappeared in a haze of meds and sleep and just relying on others to sort out everyone else.
The final actually the most amazing one of all...and one I just believe 100% that God engineered it just for me ...( He can do this you know..stir up a GAP that will bless and help us to know He still is there..still caring for us...still working it all to the good and definitely strengthening us when all else around us seems to indicate that the "interruption of continuity " is always a grotty thing. Whilst visiting Orlaith in GOSH today her cannula somehow (!) or other got dislodged and as this was the only thing anchoring her to all the machines ....suddenly she was free!!..I was holding her at the time and instead of being stuck in a sort of 2 foot square area of the room and not able to move around much there I was with our amazing babe and I immmediately felt a lift in my heart and spirit. I walked around saying.."wow this is good Orlaith its almost like we could walk right out of here and go home ! We waltzed over to the bed area where Mummy and Daddy and Grannys and Aunties sleep (!)and we lay down together for seven glorious was such a small thing but wow did I feel blessed and lifted and refreshed . Life was suddenly good again for seven whole minutes . an amazing "interruption of continuity "

This last few weeks I have only been able to connect with God through listening to worship songs and singing along and one song is always uppermost in my insomniac karaoke sessions.

" All of my every are still God and I have a reason to sing ...I have a reason to worship."

Enjoy looking at todays GAP.