Shadow Of Victory

Thursday, 22 October 2009

October 20th Reflections

We are all packed and ready to go off to wedding over the weekend. This is no ordinary wedding in that often its a friend or a relative who is getting married.What makes this one so different is that we I have known D S since she was 2yrs old and that is something like 24 years ago if my arithmetic is any good.!! Having been in a great relationship with her parents for the same number of years this weekend is a real celebration. D is a lovely Godly young woman marrying her dream boat. For many years her mum and I prayed..."God save her...God call her to you..God raise her up to be a Godly woman with your values...God bring her right relationships with men/boyfriends...God bring her a Christian husband." and this Saturday I know that her mum and I will have eye contact at some point in the day and in that moment we will silently acknowledge that God answers prayer.

In this last couple of weddings have been uppermost in my mind I have spent some time reflecting on my own daughters wedding and just as Ds mum prayed all those prayers for her so I have prayed the same for Cat and on her special day three and half years ago I was able to say a heartfelt "thank you " to God for answering those prayers. I have also been praying afresh this last 2 years for Cat and Nick and adding somewhat different pleas to the throne.

As I spent time thinking about daughters I thought I would tell you a little bit about mine. Many of you know her and I guess if we sat and compared notes we may even have different thoughts and ideas of who she is and what she is like.!! I am biased in that I am her mum and as everyone knows..."mums are always right"

Cat is our third child and after two sons I was desperate for a girl. I love my sons dearly and agree with the popular saying that we love all our children equally and I do....BUT...for me I love them all the same...yet different..They are three completely different characters and personalities and therefor we all interact in completely different ways.

Of all the children Cat is the most confident and feisty....from a very early age she was extremely determined and her gifting for gymnastics emerged at age 5 and from then right through till she was almost 18 she was an excellent athlete in both gymnastics and then trampolining and had a distinguished career. This gave her excellent grounding in self discipline and ability to lead and gave her supreme self confidence. She doesn't suffer fools gladly and can be quite sharp if faced with people not doing as expected. If Cat wrote a letter for every time something went wrong eg bus phone networks...she would have a file 6 inches deep.But it works she has learned how to deal with awkward situations in her work place and after 5 years in same job has a wealth of ability and experience.

But don't be fooled by the confident exterior....perhaps only mum gets to see the small child that sometimes doesn't cope...sometimes feels hurt..sometimes cant understand why...wants to run and hide...Give Cat a "mission"...a task and she will be off before the starting pistol....keep her focus strong and she will target and run.I so admire that about her...determination with a capital D

From a very early age ..if asked what she wanted to be when she grew up she would generally say three things...

1)fall in love ..
2)get married...
3)have babies...

and thankfully she has achieved two out of three...and even more thankfully they are both still following God..serving Him together ..part of the church community...building good relationships and friendships..holding down good jobs....and generally enjoying being husband and wife.Sadly the number three on her wish list isn't yet in her grasp and the journey so far for them both has been one they didn't expect to have to walk and for me as her mum it was never in my plans for her either.

Perhaps the way in which she has developed her self discipline..her confidence...her feistiness...her "mission" focus has all been for "such a time as this " Only God can answer the Why question and only He can grant her that elusive number three.This last week they have embarked on a different journey from the one they would have wanted to be on and yet I can already see her focus sharpening..her determination gaining the upper hand ..perhaps as she can see the way ahead more clearly the hurt and anguish that has been gripping her has lost some of its power.

Perhaps as she looks ahead she can take hold of the scripture...

"The plans I have for you are to prosper you and not to harm you"

Perhaps as she leads worship or praises God the words from songs will take root afresh in her heart and soul....

" can move the mountains"..."Where things impossible by faith shall be made possible"....

Perhaps as she takes each step in this journey she will realise that ....

when there appear to only be one set of footsteps in the sand that it was then that God will be carrying her

I am eternally grateful that God blessed us with three children..each of them in their own way a blessing from the Lord. Not quite a "quiverful" that the psalmist reckons is the Lords blessing but quite enough for us!! I am eternally mystified that someone like me who had one of the mst dysfuntional childhoods ever to be written about has managed to parent and mother into adulthood three fairly well adjusted and useful members of society. I am eternally begging God to call both my sons back into close relationship with Him and I am eternally interceding for God to grant Cat and Nick the gift of a child.

My daughter....who desperately wants to be a mummy....will you join me in prayer as they begin this journey ....Thank you


Geri said...

I remember the emptiness and the ache whenever I heard of yet another of my friends expecting a baby. I remember walking out of a christning service at our old church when 3 babies were being 'done', and crying in the toilet. I remember feeling desparate, though that sounds such an extreme word now. I remember feeling abandoned by God, that He didn't really know the desires of my heart at all.

There was nothing physically wrong with us, but I wanted a baby and my husband didn't. Full stop. When we got married neither of us wanted them, but my reasoning, entwined with my dysfunctional childhood, was changed when I had some counselling. His wasn't.

In the end, God did an amazing work in our lives, spoke to my husband audibly, and gave us the children which have changed us into the people we are today. What we have learned from this journey, a journey which has been extremely difficult at times, is to trust God in everything, even when it seems as if He's not listening.

I will join in praying for Nick and Cat, that they will continue to trust in God and not lose heart. And that it won't hurt so much. xx

Lel said...

Hi Irene
I am reading this with tears falling down and have been really praying for Cat and Nick and their longing for a baby.
I feel utterly blessed and more with my husband and baby and can remember so well the pain for going to yet another wedding which was never mine, I too thought God had forgotten me.
Waiting is the hardest and like Geri has said, I pray the wait will not be much longer and won't hurt too much either. I can't wait to go baby clothes shopping for them. Keep writing, I love your honesty and your love for your kids xx