Shadow Of Victory

Saturday, 7 February 2009

February 7th Where am I going??

I dropped hints in my last entry about where I was hoping to get to with this blog...or this season in my life.Its quite scary to actually speak it out...
Jacqui WG who has started the Exposition writers group (Kerith Community Church) says that "spoken words are like the mist but that the written word becomes like a legacy." My own thoughts on that are that once it is committed to paper and someone else reads it then it becomes a challenge.!!Like a "put your money where your mouth is " kind of challenge.

I hesitate to write it down and let you read it as I am thinking;

What if people laugh at me..
What if people think I am stupid...
What if people think ..Get her.(!)
What if people actually tell me...nah you will never achieve it.!
What if people start to talk about me behind my back.
What if...What if ...What if.... goes... I am writing all this blog stuff with the eventual intention that I may gather it all up one day in some shape or form into a book. Note the small case letters..slipped in there in the hope your eyes may just glide over it and not really take much notice. So here it is again...A BOOK.!! Oh boy..its out there now..shall I press "save " or "delete" , shall I just avoid all conversations now...shall I not have eye contact with anyone,will it become one of those "elephants" in the room that no-one makes reference to? may ask have I ever thought I could or should write a book? This thought has been growing in my spirit for several years..Some time ago the senior pastor of my church spoke about "dreaming big dreams " and this very old dream of writing was resurrected and within six months I had actually written and published a book for children.The Sleepover is a sweet little book for children aged 3-6 yrs about a child with disability. ( At this time several friends with prophetic gifting spoke "words" over me about "writing" and "books" and "influence" and "stories to tell" One word said that "writing a book for children was only a start that there was a bigger book somewhere in the future." I know from experience that all prophecy needs to be weighed and tested and for this last couple of years I have let these "words" rest in my spirit . I also know from experience that "words" often come with no time of I am sailing forth into this dream with no idea of when or if I will ever actually have a book published. I am not actively seeking publication and I have no real idea of where this is going, I just know I have to write.

One of my previous blog entry talks about "writing being my best chance of happiness" and so I will write in the sure knowledge that it will bring me happiness and in so doing it will enrich my life and my prayer is that it will touch other peoples lives too.

So...what will this be blog title and explanation of it may give you some will be about living in "The Shadow of Victory" . I will be writing about my childhood but not so much the "what happened then" but more of the "how it has shaped me into the person I am ." I didnt have the best of experiences growing up and I have had to live with the consequences of it most of my adult life. There are scores of books out there in bookstores about horrendous childhoods..abuse...neglect...poverty..I was in WH Smiths today and there is an entire section devoted to this genre with titles like

No-One Listened.
Cry Silent Tears,
Mummy Doesnt Love You Any More,
Secret Girl,
Daddys Says Dont tell,

Reading the introductions will reduce you to tears and I wonder why people actually buy these books. I did buy one several years ago and as I read it ..detailing the most awful stories of a childs life ...I wonder now what "legacy " this book would leave in the readers soul.Certainly for me I felt seared by the descriptions of unbelievable cruelty in all its forms...physical..emotional..sexual and I have never been able to read any other of this kind of book.Please be assured I am not going to be imitating this genre in my blog,nor detailing any actual events or people. journey has a writings have a purpose..I wonder if you will continue to walk with me? Please feel free to leave comments on the blog even if only to say..."you are a total nutter girl!" but be gentle....


Ruthie said...

Let's walk together and see where Jesus takes you, takes me, takes always, love you & your honesty. x

Anonymous said...

You do realise, don't you, what an inspiration you are? For those of us who still struggle to keep our mask off (or even managing to get it off in the first place)reading your words of honesty and vulnerability are not only a challenge but also a chance to see that we are not on our own. There are lovely people like you out there who are prepared to be real with us, encouraging us to be real as well. I love following your blog, and feel privileged to be a part of your journey.
Geri xx

Anonymous said...

I said a few weeks ago when you first started all this that your writing and communication gifts could well turn it to you writing a book. Looks like you are going down that path.
I am very proud of you for what you are doing and also for the way in which you are mastering the skills of the technology to do it, it is so encouraging to see you experimenting and trying new things