February 24th Thorn one (continued)

I am so grateful for the many amazing songwriters who present us with lyrics and music that can lift us to the heights and reveal TRUTH about who God is and what God has done. I have always found that worship is a key to healing and my journey has been paved by songs that have served as a balm to my wounded spirit.The songs that are resonating with me at the moment is Desert Song and The Servant King...words such

"all of my life...in every season ..you are still God and I have a reason to sing..I have a reason to worship"
and
"Hope which was lost ...now stands renewed...I give my life to honour this...The love of Christ ...The Saviour King"

Wherever you are on your journey I pray that you will know deep inside your spirit a "reason to sing...to worship and that hope will be renewed..."

Before I continue to talk about "thorns" I thought it would be good to share with you the path of healing I have walked for the last 24 years. I feel it is of vital importance that there is no confusion about where I am coming from in my blog. I have walked a pathway strewn with tears and pain to get where I am today....and I believe this blog is the next step on my journey...remember I shared a phrase at the beginning.."writing is my best chance of happiness" and so I am trusting God that every word I write will plant seeds of restoration in my spirit wherever God sees I need it . Perhaps He will also plant some seeds into your spirit too.

So.....Until I became a Christian I had never shared any of the abuse I had gone through...not because I was frightened or embarrassed ..but simply because I didnt class what I had gone through as abuse.You have to imagine how different life was 30...40 years ago ...abuse wasnt a word that was heard much in anyones language and for me it was purely a belief that as I hadnt been raped by my father ....therefor I hadnt been abused. Even as I began to open up to people I would preface any of my sharing by saying " It wasnt bad...really...It isnt important...really..." How the enemy likes to wrap up lies and hide them deep in our souls . Let me say quite clearly here...quite loudly....ALL abuse is wrong.ALL abuse will need the tender touch of Gods healing

I began my journey to freedom within my church community and I thank God for putting such precious people into my life for just this time.I also commend them for their commitment to love me despite my determination to be unlovable.!!I have realised over the decades that ...Yes ..God can heal instantly and miraculously...but for me it hasnt been as simple and as each strand of abuse was brought to light other areas also needed to be dealt with.I pursued my healing with great zeal as once I tasted the mercy of God.... I wanted more.

Let me list the paving stones that God has used over the last 24 years...

1)Prayer counselling within church...several 6 week sessions over a 2 year period.
2)Healing retreats... 3 x residential weekends over a 5 year period
3)One day appointments ....5 x days with same counsellors over a 3 year period.
4)Therapy... 12 x monthly appointments with a non Christian counsellor
5)Freedom in Christ...2 x course done at different times
6)Courses...numerous over many years...when I was still searching for answers I would attend teaching courses eg Care for the Family
7)Friendship...sometimes a daily propping up by friends for years.
8)Marriage..I am so deeply and unashamedly grateful for Chris ..He is truly my rock here on earth and there were times all I could do was cling on to him.

In between each and every step there has been periods of consolidation where resting and working out the healing have been of essential importance and I would guess that all of the above have taken around 17 years .

In addition to above I have also shared my testimony on different occasions and I have spoken at a BFC womens conference and shared at BFCs seminars as well as involved in praying for many women in similiar situations.

I hope this has given you some idea of the steps I have taken on my journey.. I wanted you all to know that I am not at the beginning of my journey but perhaps quite a way along. If healing can ever be measured ..and only the individual can ever verbalise how healed they feel...but for me if the number "10" were fully healed and walking in total freedom then I would measure where I am on that scale as an "8"...It has been a long and sometimes agonisingly slow journey but I am here.....and let me emphatically declare...living life as an "8" is just the BEST place to be right now....I am enjoying God...I am living in the fullness of all He has done so far and I am trusting Him for the future.

May God bless you today on your journey...Keep walking...Keep believing and Keep worshipping