I am going to be taking some "downtime" in this blog entry.I said at the beginning I would make every effort to be honest...vulnerable and authentic in my entries and I am aiming to continue to do this.
It is interesting that I have just this morning "blogged" on another forum...(this is a private "debt" forum and I have blogged there for a very long time)..it is a national forum and is read mostly by non church/Christians...and it is also anonymous ..altho I have met quite a few at our regular meetings ...the interesting thing is ...its so much easier for me to be honest in that blog rather than here....hhmmmnnnnnn.
Is it because it is anonymous??
So...here I am ...I have been keeping this blog for 3 months....have been aiming for all my "boundaries"...have been meeting with my mentor regularly.....reading Gods word...serving and attending church and Lifegroup.....YET.....today I feel....
Trying to find a word to describe how I feel....Tired is too weak a word....Stressed is too strong a word....hhmmmnnnnn....may be trying to fit it into one word is too difficult..
I feel....unhinged....a little lost...vague.....sleepy.....weepy.....worn out....unsettled ....(sounds like the seven dwarfs).I think so much is happening ..one big thing after another that I cant seem to keep my feet...I seem to be walking the wrong way on an escalator and trying to ensure everyone gets on and keeps moving...I feel afraid that I will let go of someones hand and they will fall....I feel I really want to sit down on the steps and punch the emergency stop button so I can have a little DOWNTIME
Chris work situation looks like it has finally resolved itself altho we have some HR issues to sort out...if he ever finds out who or where his HR person is....He has been very weepy this last few weeks and now he is travelling a lot it is hard to keep close to him...we did have a wonderful family Sunday where we were completely over the top with silly string and party poppers as we honoured him for all he had done for us in last 31 years of providing for us all....he is a good man.
Cat and Nick had some horrendous news re their quest for a baby which has truly shocked us all and has driven us to large boxes of tissues....numerous glasses of alcohol....huge chunks of chocolate ....and to our knees at the foot of the cross...not necessarily in that order.!!
Our Willow Creek adventure took a serious twist last week when we discovered that on top of the 700.00 we were asking God to provide there was a further 500.00 in hidden taxes etc that we hadn't known about so the 700.00 has now become 1200.00...praise God and thanks that 420.00 has been gifted to us...thank you...thank you...thank you...
Ministry wise...Life group...Church ...I have been struggling with all of these....not in a "give it all up" way...nothing like that but just wanting to stay at home...and preferably sleep.....I haven't given in to this as I 100% know this is a tactic of the enemy to isolate me...I have been there..done that and got the tee shirt many times in the past and have no intentions of going there again.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog...pray for us...send me comments and emails....all serve to show me that God is building a community here in Kerith Community Church were we can be authentic.....despite all I have shared I am strangely "at peace".
I know My Redeemer Lives
I know He can move mountains
I know He can be found in the desert place
I know His plans are to prosper and not to harm
I know He will never leave nor forsake me
Deep in my spirit I know all these truths and more....yet...I still want to punch the emergency stop button....but that's not a bad thing...its being authentic...its being honest with myself and with you...my friends...
Stay with me....please
6 comments:
The good thing about hand holding is that it takes 2 people to do it and when one feels like they want to let go the other can take a tighter grip. My grip just tightened my dear friend :0) Do take some time out..as I am being constantly told...this is a good thing and is a place of strength not weakness. Love you very much. x
We love you and your family so very much! You have spurred us on and blessed us through the years. It's my turn to do that now. Your honesty moves me and encourages me to be 'real' each day.
I think there's this perception that to stop means no progress, no movement, you're at a stand still. But I say rest in Him - remember 'footprints'.
Love, Hana xxx
We love you and your family so very much! You have spurred us on and blessed us through the years. It's my turn to do that now. Your honesty moves me and encourages me to be 'real' each day.
I think there's this perception that to stop means no progress, no movement, you're at a stand still. But I say rest in Him - remember 'footprints'.
Love, Hana xxx
Hi Irene,
You have been through a lot of stress recently and your body and spirit have a defence mechanism that is kicking in now to protect you. It is perfectly legitimate and necesary to rest. As women we have a cycle that ebbs and flows in energy and vitality, nature has a cycle-animals hibernate, the seasons turn.
Sleep is restorative, as is the rest that comes through a holiday or change or silence. Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks, and for a heart to have overflow there needs to be seasons of quiet listening and resting in silence.
Can I sugest that you plan a Sabbatical week? Don't run away into some unhealthy addictions, but every day plan positively to treat yourself to an hour extra lie in, an hour with a book, meeting a friend who will take you up in their lift and not ask anything of you, some exercise that you enjoy...... a meal with friends..... and some silence in an unfamiliar place where familiar thoughts and worries don't come crowding in.
Just a thought. We are not robots but complex beautiful creatures that need space to grow and develop, and if our heavenly Father put sabbath into a command then it was because He knew we would abuse it and miss the blessing.
J
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Thanks for all comments...you are all so lovely.and I feel as if I have "permission" to have some downtime...I have always felt guilty if I find I dont cope with stuff...but I am learning that its okay to feel low...and as Jacqui says to make sure I rest properly and not go into addictive or destructive behaviour....
I am hoping that with such good friends I will be able to stay the course.
I love the idea of a sabbatical...but sadly with being in the land of self employed I live under the "no work no pay "...but I think I have a couple of days in May when I could theoretically have a couple of days away.....especially as Chris has just told me he may need to go to Milan on 4th May for a week .
Thank you for all your love and encouragement
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