Today I made a decision to shut down my Facebook account. I announced that I had "culled" some 30 or so "friends" on my list for the reasons listed here;
People I never see
People who I don't actually know apart from their names
People who are decades younger than me and to be honest I reckon they sent me friend requests in a bid to get the highest number of friends
People who I rarely read their status nor they mine
People ...as above who I rarely comment on nor they mine.
People who use consistently bad language or blasphemy
People who inadvertently get hacked and then pass on a virus to my laptop ( three times in last 4 months )
I notified some of them as I had contact details and explained why..most of them were fine and one or two thought they may even do the same...and I wont even begin to bore you with the awful things some people feel the need to express for something as unimportant as a social media tool.
Now....of course if I actually knew how to shut the jolly thing down I would have but so far I cant do more than log out..!! I perhaps should have found out exactly how to do it before announcing it to the world....Techie daughter will sort me out when I next see her I am sure.. I plan to post this link on Facebook anyway to maybe explain a few things and let my family and friends know what is happening.
As an Academy student for one of my written essays I wrote about social media...I was more than delighted to get a "distinction" mark for it...if anyone wants to read it then email me and I will happily send a copy..I am truly proud of the essay ...sorry if that sounds boastful but at 58 to go back into a learning environment and get top mark was so rewarding.
Let me give you some background re my techie skills. I first had a mobile phone ten years ago..it was the size of a small text book...I had a "pay as you go " and 25.00 per year saw me with change every time. I never switched it on as I couldn't hear it ring..it had no vibrate as an alternative and I only used it because I cared for children with disability and childminding so needed it for emergencies only.My family and friends laughed at me and in an effort to rejoin the human race I purchased a Nokia clam.....oh this was fab...it was tiny and wowzer.. it had a photo thingy.!! I still went 25.00 a year and got change and it was 2 years before I took a photo and another year before I learnt to text.
I joined the family of laptop owners 4 years ago and began with..emailing...blogging...and then facebooking...I had absolutely no interest in twittering tweeting myspace-ing and all the other "things" but when Elisha my grandson came along I really wanted to let the whole world know about him....some of you may remember those "did I tell you I was a granny "days with status galore about this gorgeous child who rocked our world.
For me....Facebook is my way of blessing and being blessed...I have found friends from all over the world and from all eras of my life...Caroline in Amsterdam who I have known for 53 years....Sandra and Janie in Scotland who I have known for 44 years and 40 years....respectively . I have shared life with my sister in Canada and all the distant relatives over there...I have shared in the lives of my brother and all his family and almost weekly see pics of my grand niece and nephew and most of our family at some time of other will post or PM me. I love being a part of the community that live locally and are part of my work or my church...again joining in with their celebrations...or their mourning..or their ups and downs of daily life. Hopefully anyone reading my status or looking at my pics mostly feel the same.
For the last 3 months we have had a fair bit of distress in our little family down here in darkest Sandhurst...Cat and Nick had a third IVF cycle which resulted in a miscarriage...then my son and his partner had our grand daughter and sadly all is not well with this precious little one....most of my posts at that time reflected some of the anguish we were all feeling....most people responded with love and empathy and prayers. It is with a huge amount of distress and trauma to let you know that I has several PMs and emails which after reading I wanted to vomit the ugliness and horror out of my mind.Then to add to that I began to feel unwell...I am not going to go into details with that ...suffice to say I have been attending my doctor and have been using medication to try and ease the emotional trauma and pain...I am NOT blaming Fbook for the way I am now I know that anxiety and depression have a chemical base but is made worse by stress and distress.
A few weeks ago I blocked an old and good friend mainly because she worded her response to me in a way that I perceived to be hurtful ...I blocked it immediately because two of my other friends leaped into the thread and began to say horrid things about her...remember these were people who don't actually know each other ...they only know through me..I hope that my friend didn't get to read what they said but I also know I hurt the friend by blocking her. That event sent me into a real spiral and for at least 6 weeks now I haven't been on any kind of top form. I have functioned quite cheerfully within the home..my work..my family and a very small handful of close friends. Even with that I haven't wanted to actually leave the house only seeming to be okay with emails or texts. I have ventured out several times and its been " okay " for very short times and with a couple of friends who I am so at ease with ..as well as my family. I was so anxious about going to see Orlaith last week ..it was a train and two tube changes but meds and Catriona saved the day and we spent a gorgeous afternoon with both Andrew and Limara and Orlaith...imagine my joy when I got to hold her ...being careful of all her IVs and tubes and central lines...My heart ache as eased as I sang..."you canny shove yer granny aff a bus " and I swear she joined in....then Auntie Cat got to feed her...so lovely and normal and together with Andrew and Limara having a meal with them..oh so lovely.!
The decision today to "pull the plug".(.at least when I actually find out how to do it ) was mainly about our new grand daughter Orlaith...she has been in SCBU in Frimley since she was born and last week after 7 weeks trying to stabilise her condition she was admitted to Great Ormond Street Hospital (GOSH) which is only one of the two centres in UK which can deal with her condition. She is now 8 weeks old and is the light of her mummy and daddy's world and you will of course now know I am a granny again!!.. it has only been recently that Orlaiths mummy and daddy have said it was okay to post pics of the wee girly onto Fbook One of my " friends " last night must have searched through loads of internet "funnies" and saw one which she said looked like Orlaith....I hope and pray that neither of Orlaiths mummy or daddy saw the pics side by side on this friends thread as I superhumanly deleted at the speed of light and sadly a whole bunch of stuff including some of the precious ones we were able to take of Elisha and Orlaith together...I had a PM from the "friend" who said it was meant to be funny (!).... I haven't yet replied to her yet ...probably wont until the words in my heart can be filtered through the spirit of God first..
So my Fbook friends and family ...all those I dearly love and care for ...I am going to have a rest...I need to heal...I need to support my family...I need to find joy again....I have had lots of comments and emails and texts etc and will be in touch in some way apart from Fbook at the moment. Please feel free to text or email me too. I am hoping to continue and blog..and desperately hoping I will get back to Academy after missing so much .I will post this link on Fbook over the next couple of days BUT after that you will have to sign up to follow by email...its easy to do on the blog itself and I may also send round a contact email so you can opt in or out....I personally always follow the persons blogs I like so getting them into my email inbox means I don't miss them...
In my assignment I quoted a fair bit from scripture and ended with this one..."Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way and may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you " (2Thess Ch 3 )
Shadow Of Victory
Sunday, 9 June 2013
Sunday, 2 June 2013
GRANNYS GAP YEAR (13)The Fellowship of the Mat
I have just come home from a church conference for women . Its my 6th year at this conference and I really love being away from home for 3 days and enjoy the leisure time of no cooking housework or child care. I tend to go with the same friend (s) and we book our own rooms so we can have "me " time and space and privacy. The worship and teaching whilst amazing and life changing isn't what I most enjoy.
What keeps me going every year is the time given over to friendship.....Everyone knows that to get the best out of anything is to spend TIME...whether it be your work...your marriage ..your hobby...everything in life requires us to make time to gain the very best out of it.
I am sure I have blogged many times about friendship ....its such an important part of our lives together and even more so for me in the last 3 months as I have had several "hiccups" in my daily life. I thought for a short time that I had depression but after several sessions with my amazing doctor and trying a couple of different medications we both have concluded that its not depression but anxiety !!....
For all of my life I have been a "fixer"...if its broke I want to fix it..or at least give it my very best shot at trying to fix it.. I am not referring to a laptop that has stopped working or a car that needs a new alternator....I am a fixer of people...I want everyone I know to be okay...I want my husband to be happy and satisfied with his life..his work and our relationship...I want my home to be clean and tidy...I want my work with Matt to give him a great experience when he is with us....I want Elisha to have an amazing granny day with so much love and kisses. ..I want our time spent with our eldest son and partner and my oldest grand daughter to be filled with laughter when we visit them.... I want Cat and Nick to have as many babies as God grants them...and I want to hold my newest grand daughter Orlaith and smother her gorgeous little face with granny kisses whilst her mummy and daddy sit and sup beer and eat burgers in the garden. I want my Dorset buddy who has cancer to know a sovereign healing from God and live till she is 90 years old.!!...I could list many more "wants" and write about other people and other desires as I am sure most people have similar feelings too.
I want each of my friends to have all that their hearts desire....and if I hear any whisper from them that I can possibly fulfil then I will happily aim to fix it for them. If they want a lift...I can do that..if they need some company..yep I can do that...if they need to pour out their burdens then I will carry them ...if they have a prayer request..yep call on me...I am a fixer by nature and a fixer by desire too. I never have felt it a heavy load it comes naturally to me to try...
BUT ...this last three months I have realised in a heart stopping head on collision kind of way that I CANT be a fixer all the time....This is what my doctor and I discussed last time we met. I cant fix everyone...all the time...of everything....and after years and years of trying and more often that not succeeding in fixing whatever has been needed there are still many things I may never fix. This is what has been the underlying cause of the "hiccup" I am experiencing. The anxiety is buried way down deep in my spirit that I cant fix certain things...I cant wave magic wands and make things better for everyone and I have found that quite hard to cope with..
In the last three months in particular...with Cat and Nick going through their 3rd IVF cycle...moving house....and then the excitement with baby Orlaith arriving .... .I was having trouble sleeping...not being able to concentrate..not wanting to leave the house ..sleeping during the day...crying for no real reason.....and a handful of other "hiccups" manifested itself and forced me to the visit the doctor.
As I have been away this last few days I have had time to think...to pray...to find a spacious place just to hear God and feel his peace fill me....I know I am on a journey. I am reminded of the trilogy The Lord of the Rings and I think the first film was called "the fellowship of the ring?" it brought to mind the assignment I wrote for Academy. We were asked to write about a character in scripture that we identified with and relate what was written to our own lives. I chose the character who was crippled that had four friends who carried him to Jesus on a mat and lowered him through the roof so that Jesus could heal him. I didn't actually write about him but wrote about the four friends.I like to think of these four as "the fellowship of the mat " Frodo would never have won through without the help of his friends.....I am 100% convinced that no one can get by in life without friends and friends who are able and willing to be mat carriers. Its a two way journey...at times we need to be carried and other times we carry their mats..its a journey...a fellowship...that is God centred and unconditional.
This man would never have been able to get his healing...wouldn't have been able to get near to Jesus if his friends hadn't carried him . I wrote about the friends who over the years had carried me (figuratively ) on my mat into the presence of Jesus...whether for healing or prayer or company or whatever I needed they carried my mat. In these last three months when I have had to lay myself back down onto my "mat" I haven't been able to get near to Jesus myself...BUT my friends have picked up a corner of my mat and broke through the crowds and pressed into Jesus and taken me with them...I have had cards...texts..letters...flowers..visits....prayers...FBook funnies..hugs..hand holding..shoulders to lean and cry on.....lunches...cuppas....walks...my mat is getting carried ever closer to my saviour my healer and I can actually breathe again without the anxiety that had begun to cripple me .
I am not going to suddenly leap of the mat and start fixing again because I know this season for me is to rest and let God take me ever closer to him where I can leave my anxiety and leave all the things and people I want to fix for him .My daughter and hubby were unsuccessful with their IVF cycle so I need to lay that anxiety down at the foot of the cross..and wait for God to heal the ache in my heart ...My new grand daughter Orlaith is 7 weeks old and hasn't been out of SCBU and is now at Great Ormond Street and I need to lay that anxiety down at the foot of the cross and wait for God to heal her and bring her home and soothe the ache I feel in my heart for Orlaith and her mummy and daddy....I need to lay the anxiety I carry about my Dorset buddy at the foot of the cross and ask again and again for God to heal her and to dry the tears I have shed for her and to enjoy the times I have with her as a gift.
Yesterday at the conference as we all sat on the terrace having tea and biscuits after an amazing worship session and teaching..I had a text from Orlaiths mummy and daddy with a wee picture of her all wrapped in a blanket in a cot in Great Ormond Street....I knew under the blanket that she had IV lines and NG tubes and all sorts of medical stuff but she looked just beautiful with her gorgeous black hair and squidgy cheeks....and as I sat there in the sunshine listening to the chatter of my friends I could feel the anxiety taking root ...it would have been so easy to just sit there and ignore the feelings and hide and let everyone think I was fine...but the eyes began to leak and the breathing became harder as I felt my heart beating faster....I reached out to the friend on my left and whispered "I need a hug"....she wrapped me in her arms....one other friend leaned over and held my hand...another friend tucked a tissue to wipe the snot away whilst the others I guess carried a little of my ache as I talked to them.....its tough being on the mat....but how much tougher would it be without mat carriers .....My final whisper ....are you on a mat.?? do you need to lay down for a season and let others carry your mat??....or are you in a season of bravery ..strength and confidence that you could carry someone else on their mat??
What keeps me going every year is the time given over to friendship.....Everyone knows that to get the best out of anything is to spend TIME...whether it be your work...your marriage ..your hobby...everything in life requires us to make time to gain the very best out of it.
I am sure I have blogged many times about friendship ....its such an important part of our lives together and even more so for me in the last 3 months as I have had several "hiccups" in my daily life. I thought for a short time that I had depression but after several sessions with my amazing doctor and trying a couple of different medications we both have concluded that its not depression but anxiety !!....
For all of my life I have been a "fixer"...if its broke I want to fix it..or at least give it my very best shot at trying to fix it.. I am not referring to a laptop that has stopped working or a car that needs a new alternator....I am a fixer of people...I want everyone I know to be okay...I want my husband to be happy and satisfied with his life..his work and our relationship...I want my home to be clean and tidy...I want my work with Matt to give him a great experience when he is with us....I want Elisha to have an amazing granny day with so much love and kisses. ..I want our time spent with our eldest son and partner and my oldest grand daughter to be filled with laughter when we visit them.... I want Cat and Nick to have as many babies as God grants them...and I want to hold my newest grand daughter Orlaith and smother her gorgeous little face with granny kisses whilst her mummy and daddy sit and sup beer and eat burgers in the garden. I want my Dorset buddy who has cancer to know a sovereign healing from God and live till she is 90 years old.!!...I could list many more "wants" and write about other people and other desires as I am sure most people have similar feelings too.
I want each of my friends to have all that their hearts desire....and if I hear any whisper from them that I can possibly fulfil then I will happily aim to fix it for them. If they want a lift...I can do that..if they need some company..yep I can do that...if they need to pour out their burdens then I will carry them ...if they have a prayer request..yep call on me...I am a fixer by nature and a fixer by desire too. I never have felt it a heavy load it comes naturally to me to try...
BUT ...this last three months I have realised in a heart stopping head on collision kind of way that I CANT be a fixer all the time....This is what my doctor and I discussed last time we met. I cant fix everyone...all the time...of everything....and after years and years of trying and more often that not succeeding in fixing whatever has been needed there are still many things I may never fix. This is what has been the underlying cause of the "hiccup" I am experiencing. The anxiety is buried way down deep in my spirit that I cant fix certain things...I cant wave magic wands and make things better for everyone and I have found that quite hard to cope with..
In the last three months in particular...with Cat and Nick going through their 3rd IVF cycle...moving house....and then the excitement with baby Orlaith arriving .... .I was having trouble sleeping...not being able to concentrate..not wanting to leave the house ..sleeping during the day...crying for no real reason.....and a handful of other "hiccups" manifested itself and forced me to the visit the doctor.
As I have been away this last few days I have had time to think...to pray...to find a spacious place just to hear God and feel his peace fill me....I know I am on a journey. I am reminded of the trilogy The Lord of the Rings and I think the first film was called "the fellowship of the ring?" it brought to mind the assignment I wrote for Academy. We were asked to write about a character in scripture that we identified with and relate what was written to our own lives. I chose the character who was crippled that had four friends who carried him to Jesus on a mat and lowered him through the roof so that Jesus could heal him. I didn't actually write about him but wrote about the four friends.I like to think of these four as "the fellowship of the mat " Frodo would never have won through without the help of his friends.....I am 100% convinced that no one can get by in life without friends and friends who are able and willing to be mat carriers. Its a two way journey...at times we need to be carried and other times we carry their mats..its a journey...a fellowship...that is God centred and unconditional.
This man would never have been able to get his healing...wouldn't have been able to get near to Jesus if his friends hadn't carried him . I wrote about the friends who over the years had carried me (figuratively ) on my mat into the presence of Jesus...whether for healing or prayer or company or whatever I needed they carried my mat. In these last three months when I have had to lay myself back down onto my "mat" I haven't been able to get near to Jesus myself...BUT my friends have picked up a corner of my mat and broke through the crowds and pressed into Jesus and taken me with them...I have had cards...texts..letters...flowers..visits....prayers...FBook funnies..hugs..hand holding..shoulders to lean and cry on.....lunches...cuppas....walks...my mat is getting carried ever closer to my saviour my healer and I can actually breathe again without the anxiety that had begun to cripple me .
I am not going to suddenly leap of the mat and start fixing again because I know this season for me is to rest and let God take me ever closer to him where I can leave my anxiety and leave all the things and people I want to fix for him .My daughter and hubby were unsuccessful with their IVF cycle so I need to lay that anxiety down at the foot of the cross..and wait for God to heal the ache in my heart ...My new grand daughter Orlaith is 7 weeks old and hasn't been out of SCBU and is now at Great Ormond Street and I need to lay that anxiety down at the foot of the cross and wait for God to heal her and bring her home and soothe the ache I feel in my heart for Orlaith and her mummy and daddy....I need to lay the anxiety I carry about my Dorset buddy at the foot of the cross and ask again and again for God to heal her and to dry the tears I have shed for her and to enjoy the times I have with her as a gift.
Yesterday at the conference as we all sat on the terrace having tea and biscuits after an amazing worship session and teaching..I had a text from Orlaiths mummy and daddy with a wee picture of her all wrapped in a blanket in a cot in Great Ormond Street....I knew under the blanket that she had IV lines and NG tubes and all sorts of medical stuff but she looked just beautiful with her gorgeous black hair and squidgy cheeks....and as I sat there in the sunshine listening to the chatter of my friends I could feel the anxiety taking root ...it would have been so easy to just sit there and ignore the feelings and hide and let everyone think I was fine...but the eyes began to leak and the breathing became harder as I felt my heart beating faster....I reached out to the friend on my left and whispered "I need a hug"....she wrapped me in her arms....one other friend leaned over and held my hand...another friend tucked a tissue to wipe the snot away whilst the others I guess carried a little of my ache as I talked to them.....its tough being on the mat....but how much tougher would it be without mat carriers .....My final whisper ....are you on a mat.?? do you need to lay down for a season and let others carry your mat??....or are you in a season of bravery ..strength and confidence that you could carry someone else on their mat??
Saturday, 4 May 2013
THE OPEN WINDOW
This last few weeks have been weeks of discovery. The first main discovery is I am not as strong as I have always thought...wow that's a shocker for me. !! I am a 58 year old survivor of a pretty crappy childhood who together with Chris have morphed into an amazing family who at worst have got a little drunk and made messes of their lives but at best we have survived the teen dramas and have now three amazing grown adult children who all have great partners and the true blessings of three wonderful grandchildren ..one from each..and we can remember lots of fun family times over decades together and continue to love spending time together.
But some where along the last few weeks I have been a blip on the family landscape. Not going to go into details but have been doing a lot of thinking and asking questions of both myself and God and others too and my closest answer is wrapped up in the following story....you will need to read between the lines as its sort of allegorical in the telling.
Before we moved to England 29 years ago we lived in a rural cottage on a farm....no noise apart from chickens and the odd moo cow and then once a year the combine harvesters but we could leave our windows open all year round EXCEPT combine time as we then get covered with corn mites...tiny black insects that didn't do us any harm just covered everything.....so if we saw the combines then we made sure the windows were all closed.
Then we lived in Ashbourne in Great Hollands for 21 years.,...all our living accommodation eg living rooms and bedrooms were at the back of the house so we were shielded from traffic noise if the windows were open...as I insist nearly all year round. Seven years ago we moved again to Nutley and once more we had all the living accommodation at the back and little or no noise in garden as we backed onto a path and woods so again nice quiet and open windows.
Since moving to Sandhurst our living accommodation is still to the back of the house but we have a very busy road literally a few yards from the house and the noise is pretty loud. Last week we had tree loppers and they lopped several feet off the top of two trees and boy do we now hear even more noise. Its has got soooooo intrusive that I find I am having to close the windows on our apartment and then struggle with the warmth and heat rising situation.
I haven't had intrusive noise for many decades so find it hard to not let it bother me and I now open windows in day and close at night.
So why am I waffling all about opening and closing windows......For me my heart and my spirit is like an open window....
my heart says ...yes its okay its only a little "extra"...
my heart says ...yes..I am "okay "....No that's "fine" .
my spirit says ......yes I can "pray for them " ,,
my spirit says ......yes I can "offer help"
my heart says ......yes I can "volunteer"...
my heart says...... yes I can write this " assignment"
my heart and spirit say ..... yes I can do " 10 /10 Preach "
Then I realise that I have OPENED THE WINDOW and all the traffic noise is just crashing in and I reckon I have just got overwhelmed.....its too noisy in my head...too noisy in my heart ....too noisy in my spirit.
The best thing I have done over this last month is SHUT THE WINDOW and have now realised I need to prioritise the " noises " in ...my job...my family...my relationships...my God.,...my entire life.Its not going to happen today..or tomorrow but I am working at it...I am re-learning how to live in a "noisy " place and how to get to the place where I know the noise needs to be deadened by the simple act of "shutting " the window
But some where along the last few weeks I have been a blip on the family landscape. Not going to go into details but have been doing a lot of thinking and asking questions of both myself and God and others too and my closest answer is wrapped up in the following story....you will need to read between the lines as its sort of allegorical in the telling.
Before we moved to England 29 years ago we lived in a rural cottage on a farm....no noise apart from chickens and the odd moo cow and then once a year the combine harvesters but we could leave our windows open all year round EXCEPT combine time as we then get covered with corn mites...tiny black insects that didn't do us any harm just covered everything.....so if we saw the combines then we made sure the windows were all closed.
Then we lived in Ashbourne in Great Hollands for 21 years.,...all our living accommodation eg living rooms and bedrooms were at the back of the house so we were shielded from traffic noise if the windows were open...as I insist nearly all year round. Seven years ago we moved again to Nutley and once more we had all the living accommodation at the back and little or no noise in garden as we backed onto a path and woods so again nice quiet and open windows.
Since moving to Sandhurst our living accommodation is still to the back of the house but we have a very busy road literally a few yards from the house and the noise is pretty loud. Last week we had tree loppers and they lopped several feet off the top of two trees and boy do we now hear even more noise. Its has got soooooo intrusive that I find I am having to close the windows on our apartment and then struggle with the warmth and heat rising situation.
I haven't had intrusive noise for many decades so find it hard to not let it bother me and I now open windows in day and close at night.
So why am I waffling all about opening and closing windows......For me my heart and my spirit is like an open window....
my heart says ...yes its okay its only a little "extra"...
my heart says ...yes..I am "okay "....No that's "fine" .
my spirit says ......yes I can "pray for them " ,,
my spirit says ......yes I can "offer help"
my heart says ......yes I can "volunteer"...
my heart says...... yes I can write this " assignment"
my heart and spirit say ..... yes I can do " 10 /10 Preach "
Then I realise that I have OPENED THE WINDOW and all the traffic noise is just crashing in and I reckon I have just got overwhelmed.....its too noisy in my head...too noisy in my heart ....too noisy in my spirit.
The best thing I have done over this last month is SHUT THE WINDOW and have now realised I need to prioritise the " noises " in ...my job...my family...my relationships...my God.,...my entire life.Its not going to happen today..or tomorrow but I am working at it...I am re-learning how to live in a "noisy " place and how to get to the place where I know the noise needs to be deadened by the simple act of "shutting " the window
Thursday, 11 April 2013
RESCUE ME
You know those days when you drive your car and the fuel needle warns you its time to fill your tank.... its just running low and you know just how long you can go until you REALLY need to get to a garage and fill up. If you are anything like me you continually press the button and see just exactly how many more miles you have got ...its like a wee game..I say to myself ...still got 43 miles ...so I potter on and then check again and it says 21 miles and then its a race to see where the nearest garage is and in I go and fill it right up.!! Phew...no breakdown..no embarrassing call to hubster to say come and rescue me with a can of diesel.So far in more than 35 years of driving I have never run out of fuel but it doesn't stop me from playing the "game" and trying to beat the odds of breaking down.
This week I have come to realise that my spiritual life is a little like that "game" I run myself along in every season and pay no attention to the internal warning light that blinks at me and says "running low"...I keep going and seem to be ignorant of all the warning signs that should by now have prompted me to stop and get to a "garage" for a fill up.
For many years I have played this spiritual game and until this week I have always won....kept going taking the odd "lay by" to take a break and pulled into the "service stations " along the way but never really reached a complete place of empty tank where I needed to call on someone or something to come and RESCUE ME.
This week....I have run out ..my tank is empty...I am in need of RESCUE....I have finally admitted that its time to head for the hills and rest up and fill up and let the one who set out to RESCUE me 2000 years ago have some time with me and set my feet back on the rock and help me to lift my "eyes to the hills" where my help comes from and to lay down..not just my burdens at the foot of the cross but to lay down my entire body,mind,spirit and soul there too. For this moment in time its the only safe place for me to be.
I also have recognised that I need some medical help too....depression cant be cured by
"pulling myself together "
"counting my blessings"
"offering help to those more needy"
"reading scripture "
"praying more"
"getting to church more "
"being busy "
oh....if only....my heart cries...if only...
So ...doctors kind and gentle manner have helped me to see that taking medication isn't a weakness but a much needed aid to get me to a place where I can begin to see into the future...where the light shines into the darkness of my soul...and so it begins...
The Rescue starts within and reading Psalm 18 and taking one small tablet every day until I can begin to believe it and live it out.
I am not an invalid...I am not unable to function...I am still me ..just not whole at this present time. Don't feel sorry for me...don't treat me any different... don't avoid me.....don't worry about me....I am in the hands of the greatest RESCUER of all time and I am trusting him for today...then for tomorrow and then the day after until my feet are secure again.
Psalm 18..".He brought me out into a spacious place and he rescued me because he delighted in me "
I am waiting for the "spacious place" to come my way.....
This week I have come to realise that my spiritual life is a little like that "game" I run myself along in every season and pay no attention to the internal warning light that blinks at me and says "running low"...I keep going and seem to be ignorant of all the warning signs that should by now have prompted me to stop and get to a "garage" for a fill up.
For many years I have played this spiritual game and until this week I have always won....kept going taking the odd "lay by" to take a break and pulled into the "service stations " along the way but never really reached a complete place of empty tank where I needed to call on someone or something to come and RESCUE ME.
This week....I have run out ..my tank is empty...I am in need of RESCUE....I have finally admitted that its time to head for the hills and rest up and fill up and let the one who set out to RESCUE me 2000 years ago have some time with me and set my feet back on the rock and help me to lift my "eyes to the hills" where my help comes from and to lay down..not just my burdens at the foot of the cross but to lay down my entire body,mind,spirit and soul there too. For this moment in time its the only safe place for me to be.
I also have recognised that I need some medical help too....depression cant be cured by
"pulling myself together "
"counting my blessings"
"offering help to those more needy"
"reading scripture "
"praying more"
"getting to church more "
"being busy "
oh....if only....my heart cries...if only...
So ...doctors kind and gentle manner have helped me to see that taking medication isn't a weakness but a much needed aid to get me to a place where I can begin to see into the future...where the light shines into the darkness of my soul...and so it begins...
The Rescue starts within and reading Psalm 18 and taking one small tablet every day until I can begin to believe it and live it out.
I am not an invalid...I am not unable to function...I am still me ..just not whole at this present time. Don't feel sorry for me...don't treat me any different... don't avoid me.....don't worry about me....I am in the hands of the greatest RESCUER of all time and I am trusting him for today...then for tomorrow and then the day after until my feet are secure again.
Psalm 18..".He brought me out into a spacious place and he rescued me because he delighted in me "
I am waiting for the "spacious place" to come my way.....
Sunday, 10 March 2013
KONSTRUCTION KREW
What better day to write a blog entry about Children's Work than on Mothers Day.! This blog entry has been simmering slowly in my spirit for weeks and yet haven't got round to writing it but feel today is as good a time as any to tell you about the incredible group we have in church every Sunday.
I am serving in Konstruction Krew ( ages 5-11 ) as part of my Academy Year. I have worked with children for decades and always avoided serving in this age group at church ...kinda thought that if I had them Monday to Friday that Sunday was my day off.! When I interviewed for Academy I chatted to several different leaders looking for the right place for me to serve and pretty much made the decision as soon as I talked to Yvonne Scott who is the Children's Pastor..that Konstruction Krew was for me. Those of you who know Yvonne will know she has a passion for bringing the full gospel to children of any age and I caught her vision early on in my year. Yvonne is outstanding as both a leader and a pastor. The team thrive on her leadership and I am amazed that at her age (!) she has the energy to serve at both morning meetings week after week and still work full time and still get to evening meeting and still help at Alpha.YIKES..I have a hard act to live up to. I also have the privilege of calling her one of my closest friends and know that a fair number of the team would agree with me that she is outstanding.
The team deserves a huge round of applause as they serve each week....some of them cover both meetings and some even serve two Sundays out of four. We have a youth worship band who come and lead the children once a month and then get stuck in leading the groups as well as leading us all in some amazing worship times. I think the average age of Revolution band who serve us is about 15 years old....I am gobsmacked at the talent and gifting they have and the heart to serve the children is such a blessing. In this life the "world" offer up role models who are nothing more than empty shells and its so great that our children get to see role models who base their lives on Jesus and live it out in front of them.
Every member of our teams deserve an accolade and I know there is probably a huge round of applause in heaven with angels delighting and God rejoicing.....
*every time one of the team introduce a child to Jesus and helps them pray the ABC prayer..
*every time a team member prays with a child because they have shared a hurt or an ache in their lives..
*every time a team member helps a child who has never been before to settle in...
*every time one of the buddy team who help us with children with special needs allows a parent to be in the adult meeting knowing their child is safe and enjoying the morning
*every time a leader gets to see a child respond for baptism...
*every time a team member prays with a child perhaps for their parent or a school situation
*every time a visitor arrives and is greeted by a team member who welcomes both them and their child..
I rarely leave a Sunday without a time of thanksgiving in my heart that God has allowed me to serve with Konstruction Krew...I am pretty sure its not going to be my "calling" in the future as I am mainly involved with the team rather that the actual children but I do get to see and be a part of it all and I go through tissues every week as God moves my heart at the way the children respond to the teaching.
I have seen children become Christians...I have seen children respond for prayer for healing and seen healings happen. ..I have seen children respond for baptism and then seen them give outstanding testimony about how God has entered their lives...I have seen children pray big prayers and then rejoiced with them when God has answered them...I have seen shy children pray out loud for the first time...I have seen young children acting so mature and sharing what they feel God is saying...I have seen huge numbers of children "gunging" the leaders amidst hilarity and managed to survive so far without being gunged more than once ! I have seen children cry...laugh...be naughty.... say sorry....hug their sibling...hold hands with friends...share some deep hurts....I have seen children faithfully bringing their tithe into the storehouse each week....Oh I could write for hours at what I have seen week by week and never tire of thanking God that he planted me in this ministry for such a time as this.
This morning as we celebrated Mothers Day..we had something like 36 children at the 9am meeting and over 80 at the 11am meeting...seem to think this may have been a record ...but somehow or other God must have known each child that would be there because we also had new team members who started today too...phew !! and I cant write a blog about Konstruction Krew without telling you about the amazing apprentices we have on the team...This a group of children in years 5 and 6 who each week serve alongside the adult leaders and with me as part of the hospitality team. I am literally in awe of these children ...they arrive early and stay late and set up drinks and give out refreshments and wash up in kitchen and help the leaders with the small group time . I see these children serve alongside the tech team..the receptionists...the teachers...and I know we couldn't function as well as a coherent whole without them. Recently we met with just the apprentices for a pizza and pudding lunch and had some brainstorming ideas and this bunch of 9 - 11 year old will be actually planning and organising and leading one of our Sunday morning meetings in April...so watch this space...they are the leaders in their generation and God is smiling week by week on these youngsters.
Let me also tell you about the Konstruction Krew team who are led by Guy Standen...this is a group who serve Konstruction Krew by getting there at the crack of dawn and setting up all the props and the chairs and laying out all the tables and chairs and sorting out the different rooms and then 5 hours later putting everything away again....I have tried each week to beat them in by arriving before 8am but in 6 months I haven't yet managed it (!) ...this gang serve us in security and tech and Ops and in more ways than I can remember ...Guy...you are a gem and may God bless each of your team ....we couldn't do what we do without you all doing what you do
And finally let me finish saying if you are reading this blog and you have children in this age group...they are a blessing to us....if you are reading this blog and you are part of the team..join with me in thanking God for each and every one of the children...if you are reading this and you want to know more about serving ..either in Konstruction Krew or maybe going on the Academy Year then get in touch with us.
I am serving in Konstruction Krew ( ages 5-11 ) as part of my Academy Year. I have worked with children for decades and always avoided serving in this age group at church ...kinda thought that if I had them Monday to Friday that Sunday was my day off.! When I interviewed for Academy I chatted to several different leaders looking for the right place for me to serve and pretty much made the decision as soon as I talked to Yvonne Scott who is the Children's Pastor..that Konstruction Krew was for me. Those of you who know Yvonne will know she has a passion for bringing the full gospel to children of any age and I caught her vision early on in my year. Yvonne is outstanding as both a leader and a pastor. The team thrive on her leadership and I am amazed that at her age (!) she has the energy to serve at both morning meetings week after week and still work full time and still get to evening meeting and still help at Alpha.YIKES..I have a hard act to live up to. I also have the privilege of calling her one of my closest friends and know that a fair number of the team would agree with me that she is outstanding.
The team deserves a huge round of applause as they serve each week....some of them cover both meetings and some even serve two Sundays out of four. We have a youth worship band who come and lead the children once a month and then get stuck in leading the groups as well as leading us all in some amazing worship times. I think the average age of Revolution band who serve us is about 15 years old....I am gobsmacked at the talent and gifting they have and the heart to serve the children is such a blessing. In this life the "world" offer up role models who are nothing more than empty shells and its so great that our children get to see role models who base their lives on Jesus and live it out in front of them.
Every member of our teams deserve an accolade and I know there is probably a huge round of applause in heaven with angels delighting and God rejoicing.....
*every time one of the team introduce a child to Jesus and helps them pray the ABC prayer..
*every time a team member prays with a child because they have shared a hurt or an ache in their lives..
*every time a team member helps a child who has never been before to settle in...
*every time one of the buddy team who help us with children with special needs allows a parent to be in the adult meeting knowing their child is safe and enjoying the morning
*every time a leader gets to see a child respond for baptism...
*every time a team member prays with a child perhaps for their parent or a school situation
*every time a visitor arrives and is greeted by a team member who welcomes both them and their child..
I rarely leave a Sunday without a time of thanksgiving in my heart that God has allowed me to serve with Konstruction Krew...I am pretty sure its not going to be my "calling" in the future as I am mainly involved with the team rather that the actual children but I do get to see and be a part of it all and I go through tissues every week as God moves my heart at the way the children respond to the teaching.
I have seen children become Christians...I have seen children respond for prayer for healing and seen healings happen. ..I have seen children respond for baptism and then seen them give outstanding testimony about how God has entered their lives...I have seen children pray big prayers and then rejoiced with them when God has answered them...I have seen shy children pray out loud for the first time...I have seen young children acting so mature and sharing what they feel God is saying...I have seen huge numbers of children "gunging" the leaders amidst hilarity and managed to survive so far without being gunged more than once ! I have seen children cry...laugh...be naughty.... say sorry....hug their sibling...hold hands with friends...share some deep hurts....I have seen children faithfully bringing their tithe into the storehouse each week....Oh I could write for hours at what I have seen week by week and never tire of thanking God that he planted me in this ministry for such a time as this.
This morning as we celebrated Mothers Day..we had something like 36 children at the 9am meeting and over 80 at the 11am meeting...seem to think this may have been a record ...but somehow or other God must have known each child that would be there because we also had new team members who started today too...phew !! and I cant write a blog about Konstruction Krew without telling you about the amazing apprentices we have on the team...This a group of children in years 5 and 6 who each week serve alongside the adult leaders and with me as part of the hospitality team. I am literally in awe of these children ...they arrive early and stay late and set up drinks and give out refreshments and wash up in kitchen and help the leaders with the small group time . I see these children serve alongside the tech team..the receptionists...the teachers...and I know we couldn't function as well as a coherent whole without them. Recently we met with just the apprentices for a pizza and pudding lunch and had some brainstorming ideas and this bunch of 9 - 11 year old will be actually planning and organising and leading one of our Sunday morning meetings in April...so watch this space...they are the leaders in their generation and God is smiling week by week on these youngsters.
Let me also tell you about the Konstruction Krew team who are led by Guy Standen...this is a group who serve Konstruction Krew by getting there at the crack of dawn and setting up all the props and the chairs and laying out all the tables and chairs and sorting out the different rooms and then 5 hours later putting everything away again....I have tried each week to beat them in by arriving before 8am but in 6 months I haven't yet managed it (!) ...this gang serve us in security and tech and Ops and in more ways than I can remember ...Guy...you are a gem and may God bless each of your team ....we couldn't do what we do without you all doing what you do
And finally let me finish saying if you are reading this blog and you have children in this age group...they are a blessing to us....if you are reading this blog and you are part of the team..join with me in thanking God for each and every one of the children...if you are reading this and you want to know more about serving ..either in Konstruction Krew or maybe going on the Academy Year then get in touch with us.
Saturday, 9 March 2013
GRANNYS GAP YEAR (12)
Officially half way through the Academy year and all I can say is ...WOW....I am having so much fun.If I thought my life had been "same old..same old " for the last few years then I can definitely say that its a roller coaster time and I am so loving it...
.
I wondered at how it would be amongst so many young people and whether or not I would fit in and how it would all work especially with 6 of the young gang being from overseas.
I wondered how I would cope with the "serving"side of things having to be in Konstruction Krew EVERY Sunday from 8am till 12.45
I wondered how I would find the "academic " side of the year with the teaching..the theology...the assignments.
I wondered how it would be to take part in the "preaching" class with Ben Davies.
I wondered if I would ever be able to stand in front of the both the Academy students and then the church and preach a message.
I wondered how I would find the time whilst continuing to work full time...childmind Elisha..move house and still be a friend a wife a mum.
I wondered what I would feel when at church events such as conferences that rather than enjoy being on the Welcome team which also allows me to be in the meetings I would have to be "behind" the scenes in the kitchen and cleaning the toilets.
In answer to all my "wonderings" all I can say is that God is good. He knew I needed a change ..He knew I needed to get out of the rut (nothing wrong with the rut I was in...some ruts are just seasons of life but mine had worn thin and needed to be re-treaded !). He knew that I was ready to be stretched and challenged and changed and I may never be the same again. I already am thinking ahead to graduation and wondering "what next ".
The Academy students are just the best gang...Sixteen completely different characters...ages...cultures..countries and abilities and yet I love each one of them for who they are and what they bring not just to Academy but to the community of our church family. The leaders who have come in week after week and shared theology...life lessons...personal stories have all been outstanding . I have learnt so much about the bible..about God..about Jesus..about church life...and some behind the scenes glances sneaky peeks at various leaders lives which for someone who is as nosy as me that's been a real bonus. Dont worry guys..
."whats shared at Academy ..stays at Academy"
In the last two weeks we all had to give a ten minute preach about a character in the bible with whom we identify and to give reasons why and relate to events both in the characters lives and ours that God used and intervened in. What a challenge for us all and I have been transfixed listening to all our different stories. Some very honest...some hesitant...some tearful...some theological...yet all distinctly different. Several of the students had never done anything like this before and if given the choice would have ran a mile and yet I am full of admiration for them and they rose to the occasion and did themselves proud and honoured God.
I am still the oldest by far and even the next one up could still be my daughter and to most of the students I could even be their granny..in fact now that I come to think of it some of the leaders coming into teach could also fit into that category BUT one thing I determined at the very start of the year was that I would be open to all that they had to share no matter who they were or how old they were. Some of the students have shared things with me at various times that have caused me to rethink or change some of how I live and for that I am incredibly grateful and realise that we all have things to offer no matter who we are or how old we are or how long we have been Christians . Just to have an open spirit and an open mind is all that's required to grow in our spirits.
I am looking forward to all that is coming my way in the second half of the Academy year. Another 2 essays....another speaking assignment ...another couple of conferences to serve at...an HTB conference to go to in London and who knows what else will pop up in between. Its fresh and new and exciting and if anyone reading this is wondering whether they could do Academy can I please encourage you to say YES to any prompting you may have in your spirit. Ask questions of any of the students ...ask me...ask Ben Pocock...it really will challenge you and inspire you and move you a lot closer to God and give you the thrill of a lifetime as well as change you forever.
.
I wondered at how it would be amongst so many young people and whether or not I would fit in and how it would all work especially with 6 of the young gang being from overseas.
I wondered how I would cope with the "serving"side of things having to be in Konstruction Krew EVERY Sunday from 8am till 12.45
I wondered how I would find the "academic " side of the year with the teaching..the theology...the assignments.
I wondered how it would be to take part in the "preaching" class with Ben Davies.
I wondered if I would ever be able to stand in front of the both the Academy students and then the church and preach a message.
I wondered how I would find the time whilst continuing to work full time...childmind Elisha..move house and still be a friend a wife a mum.
I wondered what I would feel when at church events such as conferences that rather than enjoy being on the Welcome team which also allows me to be in the meetings I would have to be "behind" the scenes in the kitchen and cleaning the toilets.
In answer to all my "wonderings" all I can say is that God is good. He knew I needed a change ..He knew I needed to get out of the rut (nothing wrong with the rut I was in...some ruts are just seasons of life but mine had worn thin and needed to be re-treaded !). He knew that I was ready to be stretched and challenged and changed and I may never be the same again. I already am thinking ahead to graduation and wondering "what next ".
The Academy students are just the best gang...Sixteen completely different characters...ages...cultures..countries and abilities and yet I love each one of them for who they are and what they bring not just to Academy but to the community of our church family. The leaders who have come in week after week and shared theology...life lessons...personal stories have all been outstanding . I have learnt so much about the bible..about God..about Jesus..about church life...and some behind the scenes glances sneaky peeks at various leaders lives which for someone who is as nosy as me that's been a real bonus. Dont worry guys..
."whats shared at Academy ..stays at Academy"
In the last two weeks we all had to give a ten minute preach about a character in the bible with whom we identify and to give reasons why and relate to events both in the characters lives and ours that God used and intervened in. What a challenge for us all and I have been transfixed listening to all our different stories. Some very honest...some hesitant...some tearful...some theological...yet all distinctly different. Several of the students had never done anything like this before and if given the choice would have ran a mile and yet I am full of admiration for them and they rose to the occasion and did themselves proud and honoured God.
I am still the oldest by far and even the next one up could still be my daughter and to most of the students I could even be their granny..in fact now that I come to think of it some of the leaders coming into teach could also fit into that category BUT one thing I determined at the very start of the year was that I would be open to all that they had to share no matter who they were or how old they were. Some of the students have shared things with me at various times that have caused me to rethink or change some of how I live and for that I am incredibly grateful and realise that we all have things to offer no matter who we are or how old we are or how long we have been Christians . Just to have an open spirit and an open mind is all that's required to grow in our spirits.
I am looking forward to all that is coming my way in the second half of the Academy year. Another 2 essays....another speaking assignment ...another couple of conferences to serve at...an HTB conference to go to in London and who knows what else will pop up in between. Its fresh and new and exciting and if anyone reading this is wondering whether they could do Academy can I please encourage you to say YES to any prompting you may have in your spirit. Ask questions of any of the students ...ask me...ask Ben Pocock...it really will challenge you and inspire you and move you a lot closer to God and give you the thrill of a lifetime as well as change you forever.
Monday, 25 February 2013
FREE RECOVERY
Its amazing how and when God speaks to me....sometimes I "hear " him in my spirit or when I am reading his word..or worship-ing....and other times he just leaps into my heart and begins to show me a truth in a new way. I love it when this happens and today it happened so unexpectedly .!!
I was driving along the M4 and in between here and Reading there are roadworks for a couple of miles with a "go slow" fifty mile speed limit. So I slowed down and began to drive within the limit and I noticed at the side of the motorway is a sign that says
"FREE RECOVERY ...STAY IN VEHICLE "
This must be a sign we have all passed many times and certainly I haven't paid much attention to it in the past yet today it zapped me ! For the rest of the journey I began to "hear " God speak into my life and what is going on inside my spirit. You see for the last few days I have begun to work on a "preach" that I am doing on 3rd March...its just a 10 min slot at the 7pm meeting at church . As I have worked on it with my mentor and rehearsed it and absorbed it into my heart in the hope that when I speak that it touches people and I felt God say to me that ...
".just as I have had some major work done in my life over the last 20 plus years it has only been possible because of the
"Free Recovery " offered to me through the sacrifice of his son Jesus but also that I had to
"Stay in the Vehicle "....
Seems a weird kind of thing to understand but I knew immediately what God meant....the "vehicle " was ( and still is ) the church...the community of believers that God has placed me in for such a time as this....
We are not meant to travel through roadworks at high speed and recklessly...we are meant to slow down and if there is a problem we need to stay with the vehicle !!! I know for sure that I would not be in this place of wholeness and restoration if I had moved away from the vehicle or if I had ignored the free recovery !!
I would love to think that this coming Sunday at each of the meetings ...9am 11 am and 7 pm when there will be speakers at each of them sharing what God has done and is doing...There is plenty of room in the vehicle known as Kerith Community Church and the Free Recovery is always there for everyone .
I was driving along the M4 and in between here and Reading there are roadworks for a couple of miles with a "go slow" fifty mile speed limit. So I slowed down and began to drive within the limit and I noticed at the side of the motorway is a sign that says
"FREE RECOVERY ...STAY IN VEHICLE "
This must be a sign we have all passed many times and certainly I haven't paid much attention to it in the past yet today it zapped me ! For the rest of the journey I began to "hear " God speak into my life and what is going on inside my spirit. You see for the last few days I have begun to work on a "preach" that I am doing on 3rd March...its just a 10 min slot at the 7pm meeting at church . As I have worked on it with my mentor and rehearsed it and absorbed it into my heart in the hope that when I speak that it touches people and I felt God say to me that ...
".just as I have had some major work done in my life over the last 20 plus years it has only been possible because of the
"Free Recovery " offered to me through the sacrifice of his son Jesus but also that I had to
"Stay in the Vehicle "....
Seems a weird kind of thing to understand but I knew immediately what God meant....the "vehicle " was ( and still is ) the church...the community of believers that God has placed me in for such a time as this....
We are not meant to travel through roadworks at high speed and recklessly...we are meant to slow down and if there is a problem we need to stay with the vehicle !!! I know for sure that I would not be in this place of wholeness and restoration if I had moved away from the vehicle or if I had ignored the free recovery !!
I would love to think that this coming Sunday at each of the meetings ...9am 11 am and 7 pm when there will be speakers at each of them sharing what God has done and is doing...There is plenty of room in the vehicle known as Kerith Community Church and the Free Recovery is always there for everyone .
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