You know those days when you drive your car and the fuel needle warns you its time to fill your tank.... its just running low and you know just how long you can go until you REALLY need to get to a garage and fill up. If you are anything like me you continually press the button and see just exactly how many more miles you have got ...its like a wee game..I say to myself ...still got 43 miles ...so I potter on and then check again and it says 21 miles and then its a race to see where the nearest garage is and in I go and fill it right up.!! Phew...no breakdown..no embarrassing call to hubster to say come and rescue me with a can of diesel.So far in more than 35 years of driving I have never run out of fuel but it doesn't stop me from playing the "game" and trying to beat the odds of breaking down.
This week I have come to realise that my spiritual life is a little like that "game" I run myself along in every season and pay no attention to the internal warning light that blinks at me and says "running low"...I keep going and seem to be ignorant of all the warning signs that should by now have prompted me to stop and get to a "garage" for a fill up.
For many years I have played this spiritual game and until this week I have always won....kept going taking the odd "lay by" to take a break and pulled into the "service stations " along the way but never really reached a complete place of empty tank where I needed to call on someone or something to come and RESCUE ME.
This week....I have run out ..my tank is empty...I am in need of RESCUE....I have finally admitted that its time to head for the hills and rest up and fill up and let the one who set out to RESCUE me 2000 years ago have some time with me and set my feet back on the rock and help me to lift my "eyes to the hills" where my help comes from and to lay down..not just my burdens at the foot of the cross but to lay down my entire body,mind,spirit and soul there too. For this moment in time its the only safe place for me to be.
I also have recognised that I need some medical help too....depression cant be cured by
"pulling myself together "
"counting my blessings"
"offering help to those more needy"
"reading scripture "
"praying more"
"getting to church more "
"being busy "
oh....if only....my heart cries...if only...
So ...doctors kind and gentle manner have helped me to see that taking medication isn't a weakness but a much needed aid to get me to a place where I can begin to see into the future...where the light shines into the darkness of my soul...and so it begins...
The Rescue starts within and reading Psalm 18 and taking one small tablet every day until I can begin to believe it and live it out.
I am not an invalid...I am not unable to function...I am still me ..just not whole at this present time. Don't feel sorry for me...don't treat me any different... don't avoid me.....don't worry about me....I am in the hands of the greatest RESCUER of all time and I am trusting him for today...then for tomorrow and then the day after until my feet are secure again.
Psalm 18..".He brought me out into a spacious place and he rescued me because he delighted in me "
I am waiting for the "spacious place" to come my way.....
Shadow Of Victory
Thursday, 11 April 2013
Sunday, 10 March 2013
KONSTRUCTION KREW
What better day to write a blog entry about Children's Work than on Mothers Day.! This blog entry has been simmering slowly in my spirit for weeks and yet haven't got round to writing it but feel today is as good a time as any to tell you about the incredible group we have in church every Sunday.
I am serving in Konstruction Krew ( ages 5-11 ) as part of my Academy Year. I have worked with children for decades and always avoided serving in this age group at church ...kinda thought that if I had them Monday to Friday that Sunday was my day off.! When I interviewed for Academy I chatted to several different leaders looking for the right place for me to serve and pretty much made the decision as soon as I talked to Yvonne Scott who is the Children's Pastor..that Konstruction Krew was for me. Those of you who know Yvonne will know she has a passion for bringing the full gospel to children of any age and I caught her vision early on in my year. Yvonne is outstanding as both a leader and a pastor. The team thrive on her leadership and I am amazed that at her age (!) she has the energy to serve at both morning meetings week after week and still work full time and still get to evening meeting and still help at Alpha.YIKES..I have a hard act to live up to. I also have the privilege of calling her one of my closest friends and know that a fair number of the team would agree with me that she is outstanding.
The team deserves a huge round of applause as they serve each week....some of them cover both meetings and some even serve two Sundays out of four. We have a youth worship band who come and lead the children once a month and then get stuck in leading the groups as well as leading us all in some amazing worship times. I think the average age of Revolution band who serve us is about 15 years old....I am gobsmacked at the talent and gifting they have and the heart to serve the children is such a blessing. In this life the "world" offer up role models who are nothing more than empty shells and its so great that our children get to see role models who base their lives on Jesus and live it out in front of them.
Every member of our teams deserve an accolade and I know there is probably a huge round of applause in heaven with angels delighting and God rejoicing.....
*every time one of the team introduce a child to Jesus and helps them pray the ABC prayer..
*every time a team member prays with a child because they have shared a hurt or an ache in their lives..
*every time a team member helps a child who has never been before to settle in...
*every time one of the buddy team who help us with children with special needs allows a parent to be in the adult meeting knowing their child is safe and enjoying the morning
*every time a leader gets to see a child respond for baptism...
*every time a team member prays with a child perhaps for their parent or a school situation
*every time a visitor arrives and is greeted by a team member who welcomes both them and their child..
I rarely leave a Sunday without a time of thanksgiving in my heart that God has allowed me to serve with Konstruction Krew...I am pretty sure its not going to be my "calling" in the future as I am mainly involved with the team rather that the actual children but I do get to see and be a part of it all and I go through tissues every week as God moves my heart at the way the children respond to the teaching.
I have seen children become Christians...I have seen children respond for prayer for healing and seen healings happen. ..I have seen children respond for baptism and then seen them give outstanding testimony about how God has entered their lives...I have seen children pray big prayers and then rejoiced with them when God has answered them...I have seen shy children pray out loud for the first time...I have seen young children acting so mature and sharing what they feel God is saying...I have seen huge numbers of children "gunging" the leaders amidst hilarity and managed to survive so far without being gunged more than once ! I have seen children cry...laugh...be naughty.... say sorry....hug their sibling...hold hands with friends...share some deep hurts....I have seen children faithfully bringing their tithe into the storehouse each week....Oh I could write for hours at what I have seen week by week and never tire of thanking God that he planted me in this ministry for such a time as this.
This morning as we celebrated Mothers Day..we had something like 36 children at the 9am meeting and over 80 at the 11am meeting...seem to think this may have been a record ...but somehow or other God must have known each child that would be there because we also had new team members who started today too...phew !! and I cant write a blog about Konstruction Krew without telling you about the amazing apprentices we have on the team...This a group of children in years 5 and 6 who each week serve alongside the adult leaders and with me as part of the hospitality team. I am literally in awe of these children ...they arrive early and stay late and set up drinks and give out refreshments and wash up in kitchen and help the leaders with the small group time . I see these children serve alongside the tech team..the receptionists...the teachers...and I know we couldn't function as well as a coherent whole without them. Recently we met with just the apprentices for a pizza and pudding lunch and had some brainstorming ideas and this bunch of 9 - 11 year old will be actually planning and organising and leading one of our Sunday morning meetings in April...so watch this space...they are the leaders in their generation and God is smiling week by week on these youngsters.
Let me also tell you about the Konstruction Krew team who are led by Guy Standen...this is a group who serve Konstruction Krew by getting there at the crack of dawn and setting up all the props and the chairs and laying out all the tables and chairs and sorting out the different rooms and then 5 hours later putting everything away again....I have tried each week to beat them in by arriving before 8am but in 6 months I haven't yet managed it (!) ...this gang serve us in security and tech and Ops and in more ways than I can remember ...Guy...you are a gem and may God bless each of your team ....we couldn't do what we do without you all doing what you do
And finally let me finish saying if you are reading this blog and you have children in this age group...they are a blessing to us....if you are reading this blog and you are part of the team..join with me in thanking God for each and every one of the children...if you are reading this and you want to know more about serving ..either in Konstruction Krew or maybe going on the Academy Year then get in touch with us.
I am serving in Konstruction Krew ( ages 5-11 ) as part of my Academy Year. I have worked with children for decades and always avoided serving in this age group at church ...kinda thought that if I had them Monday to Friday that Sunday was my day off.! When I interviewed for Academy I chatted to several different leaders looking for the right place for me to serve and pretty much made the decision as soon as I talked to Yvonne Scott who is the Children's Pastor..that Konstruction Krew was for me. Those of you who know Yvonne will know she has a passion for bringing the full gospel to children of any age and I caught her vision early on in my year. Yvonne is outstanding as both a leader and a pastor. The team thrive on her leadership and I am amazed that at her age (!) she has the energy to serve at both morning meetings week after week and still work full time and still get to evening meeting and still help at Alpha.YIKES..I have a hard act to live up to. I also have the privilege of calling her one of my closest friends and know that a fair number of the team would agree with me that she is outstanding.
The team deserves a huge round of applause as they serve each week....some of them cover both meetings and some even serve two Sundays out of four. We have a youth worship band who come and lead the children once a month and then get stuck in leading the groups as well as leading us all in some amazing worship times. I think the average age of Revolution band who serve us is about 15 years old....I am gobsmacked at the talent and gifting they have and the heart to serve the children is such a blessing. In this life the "world" offer up role models who are nothing more than empty shells and its so great that our children get to see role models who base their lives on Jesus and live it out in front of them.
Every member of our teams deserve an accolade and I know there is probably a huge round of applause in heaven with angels delighting and God rejoicing.....
*every time one of the team introduce a child to Jesus and helps them pray the ABC prayer..
*every time a team member prays with a child because they have shared a hurt or an ache in their lives..
*every time a team member helps a child who has never been before to settle in...
*every time one of the buddy team who help us with children with special needs allows a parent to be in the adult meeting knowing their child is safe and enjoying the morning
*every time a leader gets to see a child respond for baptism...
*every time a team member prays with a child perhaps for their parent or a school situation
*every time a visitor arrives and is greeted by a team member who welcomes both them and their child..
I rarely leave a Sunday without a time of thanksgiving in my heart that God has allowed me to serve with Konstruction Krew...I am pretty sure its not going to be my "calling" in the future as I am mainly involved with the team rather that the actual children but I do get to see and be a part of it all and I go through tissues every week as God moves my heart at the way the children respond to the teaching.
I have seen children become Christians...I have seen children respond for prayer for healing and seen healings happen. ..I have seen children respond for baptism and then seen them give outstanding testimony about how God has entered their lives...I have seen children pray big prayers and then rejoiced with them when God has answered them...I have seen shy children pray out loud for the first time...I have seen young children acting so mature and sharing what they feel God is saying...I have seen huge numbers of children "gunging" the leaders amidst hilarity and managed to survive so far without being gunged more than once ! I have seen children cry...laugh...be naughty.... say sorry....hug their sibling...hold hands with friends...share some deep hurts....I have seen children faithfully bringing their tithe into the storehouse each week....Oh I could write for hours at what I have seen week by week and never tire of thanking God that he planted me in this ministry for such a time as this.
This morning as we celebrated Mothers Day..we had something like 36 children at the 9am meeting and over 80 at the 11am meeting...seem to think this may have been a record ...but somehow or other God must have known each child that would be there because we also had new team members who started today too...phew !! and I cant write a blog about Konstruction Krew without telling you about the amazing apprentices we have on the team...This a group of children in years 5 and 6 who each week serve alongside the adult leaders and with me as part of the hospitality team. I am literally in awe of these children ...they arrive early and stay late and set up drinks and give out refreshments and wash up in kitchen and help the leaders with the small group time . I see these children serve alongside the tech team..the receptionists...the teachers...and I know we couldn't function as well as a coherent whole without them. Recently we met with just the apprentices for a pizza and pudding lunch and had some brainstorming ideas and this bunch of 9 - 11 year old will be actually planning and organising and leading one of our Sunday morning meetings in April...so watch this space...they are the leaders in their generation and God is smiling week by week on these youngsters.
Let me also tell you about the Konstruction Krew team who are led by Guy Standen...this is a group who serve Konstruction Krew by getting there at the crack of dawn and setting up all the props and the chairs and laying out all the tables and chairs and sorting out the different rooms and then 5 hours later putting everything away again....I have tried each week to beat them in by arriving before 8am but in 6 months I haven't yet managed it (!) ...this gang serve us in security and tech and Ops and in more ways than I can remember ...Guy...you are a gem and may God bless each of your team ....we couldn't do what we do without you all doing what you do
And finally let me finish saying if you are reading this blog and you have children in this age group...they are a blessing to us....if you are reading this blog and you are part of the team..join with me in thanking God for each and every one of the children...if you are reading this and you want to know more about serving ..either in Konstruction Krew or maybe going on the Academy Year then get in touch with us.
Saturday, 9 March 2013
GRANNYS GAP YEAR (12)
Officially half way through the Academy year and all I can say is ...WOW....I am having so much fun.If I thought my life had been "same old..same old " for the last few years then I can definitely say that its a roller coaster time and I am so loving it...
.
I wondered at how it would be amongst so many young people and whether or not I would fit in and how it would all work especially with 6 of the young gang being from overseas.
I wondered how I would cope with the "serving"side of things having to be in Konstruction Krew EVERY Sunday from 8am till 12.45
I wondered how I would find the "academic " side of the year with the teaching..the theology...the assignments.
I wondered how it would be to take part in the "preaching" class with Ben Davies.
I wondered if I would ever be able to stand in front of the both the Academy students and then the church and preach a message.
I wondered how I would find the time whilst continuing to work full time...childmind Elisha..move house and still be a friend a wife a mum.
I wondered what I would feel when at church events such as conferences that rather than enjoy being on the Welcome team which also allows me to be in the meetings I would have to be "behind" the scenes in the kitchen and cleaning the toilets.
In answer to all my "wonderings" all I can say is that God is good. He knew I needed a change ..He knew I needed to get out of the rut (nothing wrong with the rut I was in...some ruts are just seasons of life but mine had worn thin and needed to be re-treaded !). He knew that I was ready to be stretched and challenged and changed and I may never be the same again. I already am thinking ahead to graduation and wondering "what next ".
The Academy students are just the best gang...Sixteen completely different characters...ages...cultures..countries and abilities and yet I love each one of them for who they are and what they bring not just to Academy but to the community of our church family. The leaders who have come in week after week and shared theology...life lessons...personal stories have all been outstanding . I have learnt so much about the bible..about God..about Jesus..about church life...and some behind the scenes glances sneaky peeks at various leaders lives which for someone who is as nosy as me that's been a real bonus. Dont worry guys..
."whats shared at Academy ..stays at Academy"
In the last two weeks we all had to give a ten minute preach about a character in the bible with whom we identify and to give reasons why and relate to events both in the characters lives and ours that God used and intervened in. What a challenge for us all and I have been transfixed listening to all our different stories. Some very honest...some hesitant...some tearful...some theological...yet all distinctly different. Several of the students had never done anything like this before and if given the choice would have ran a mile and yet I am full of admiration for them and they rose to the occasion and did themselves proud and honoured God.
I am still the oldest by far and even the next one up could still be my daughter and to most of the students I could even be their granny..in fact now that I come to think of it some of the leaders coming into teach could also fit into that category BUT one thing I determined at the very start of the year was that I would be open to all that they had to share no matter who they were or how old they were. Some of the students have shared things with me at various times that have caused me to rethink or change some of how I live and for that I am incredibly grateful and realise that we all have things to offer no matter who we are or how old we are or how long we have been Christians . Just to have an open spirit and an open mind is all that's required to grow in our spirits.
I am looking forward to all that is coming my way in the second half of the Academy year. Another 2 essays....another speaking assignment ...another couple of conferences to serve at...an HTB conference to go to in London and who knows what else will pop up in between. Its fresh and new and exciting and if anyone reading this is wondering whether they could do Academy can I please encourage you to say YES to any prompting you may have in your spirit. Ask questions of any of the students ...ask me...ask Ben Pocock...it really will challenge you and inspire you and move you a lot closer to God and give you the thrill of a lifetime as well as change you forever.
.
I wondered at how it would be amongst so many young people and whether or not I would fit in and how it would all work especially with 6 of the young gang being from overseas.
I wondered how I would cope with the "serving"side of things having to be in Konstruction Krew EVERY Sunday from 8am till 12.45
I wondered how I would find the "academic " side of the year with the teaching..the theology...the assignments.
I wondered how it would be to take part in the "preaching" class with Ben Davies.
I wondered if I would ever be able to stand in front of the both the Academy students and then the church and preach a message.
I wondered how I would find the time whilst continuing to work full time...childmind Elisha..move house and still be a friend a wife a mum.
I wondered what I would feel when at church events such as conferences that rather than enjoy being on the Welcome team which also allows me to be in the meetings I would have to be "behind" the scenes in the kitchen and cleaning the toilets.
In answer to all my "wonderings" all I can say is that God is good. He knew I needed a change ..He knew I needed to get out of the rut (nothing wrong with the rut I was in...some ruts are just seasons of life but mine had worn thin and needed to be re-treaded !). He knew that I was ready to be stretched and challenged and changed and I may never be the same again. I already am thinking ahead to graduation and wondering "what next ".
The Academy students are just the best gang...Sixteen completely different characters...ages...cultures..countries and abilities and yet I love each one of them for who they are and what they bring not just to Academy but to the community of our church family. The leaders who have come in week after week and shared theology...life lessons...personal stories have all been outstanding . I have learnt so much about the bible..about God..about Jesus..about church life...and some behind the scenes glances sneaky peeks at various leaders lives which for someone who is as nosy as me that's been a real bonus. Dont worry guys..
."whats shared at Academy ..stays at Academy"
In the last two weeks we all had to give a ten minute preach about a character in the bible with whom we identify and to give reasons why and relate to events both in the characters lives and ours that God used and intervened in. What a challenge for us all and I have been transfixed listening to all our different stories. Some very honest...some hesitant...some tearful...some theological...yet all distinctly different. Several of the students had never done anything like this before and if given the choice would have ran a mile and yet I am full of admiration for them and they rose to the occasion and did themselves proud and honoured God.
I am still the oldest by far and even the next one up could still be my daughter and to most of the students I could even be their granny..in fact now that I come to think of it some of the leaders coming into teach could also fit into that category BUT one thing I determined at the very start of the year was that I would be open to all that they had to share no matter who they were or how old they were. Some of the students have shared things with me at various times that have caused me to rethink or change some of how I live and for that I am incredibly grateful and realise that we all have things to offer no matter who we are or how old we are or how long we have been Christians . Just to have an open spirit and an open mind is all that's required to grow in our spirits.
I am looking forward to all that is coming my way in the second half of the Academy year. Another 2 essays....another speaking assignment ...another couple of conferences to serve at...an HTB conference to go to in London and who knows what else will pop up in between. Its fresh and new and exciting and if anyone reading this is wondering whether they could do Academy can I please encourage you to say YES to any prompting you may have in your spirit. Ask questions of any of the students ...ask me...ask Ben Pocock...it really will challenge you and inspire you and move you a lot closer to God and give you the thrill of a lifetime as well as change you forever.
Monday, 25 February 2013
FREE RECOVERY
Its amazing how and when God speaks to me....sometimes I "hear " him in my spirit or when I am reading his word..or worship-ing....and other times he just leaps into my heart and begins to show me a truth in a new way. I love it when this happens and today it happened so unexpectedly .!!
I was driving along the M4 and in between here and Reading there are roadworks for a couple of miles with a "go slow" fifty mile speed limit. So I slowed down and began to drive within the limit and I noticed at the side of the motorway is a sign that says
"FREE RECOVERY ...STAY IN VEHICLE "
This must be a sign we have all passed many times and certainly I haven't paid much attention to it in the past yet today it zapped me ! For the rest of the journey I began to "hear " God speak into my life and what is going on inside my spirit. You see for the last few days I have begun to work on a "preach" that I am doing on 3rd March...its just a 10 min slot at the 7pm meeting at church . As I have worked on it with my mentor and rehearsed it and absorbed it into my heart in the hope that when I speak that it touches people and I felt God say to me that ...
".just as I have had some major work done in my life over the last 20 plus years it has only been possible because of the
"Free Recovery " offered to me through the sacrifice of his son Jesus but also that I had to
"Stay in the Vehicle "....
Seems a weird kind of thing to understand but I knew immediately what God meant....the "vehicle " was ( and still is ) the church...the community of believers that God has placed me in for such a time as this....
We are not meant to travel through roadworks at high speed and recklessly...we are meant to slow down and if there is a problem we need to stay with the vehicle !!! I know for sure that I would not be in this place of wholeness and restoration if I had moved away from the vehicle or if I had ignored the free recovery !!
I would love to think that this coming Sunday at each of the meetings ...9am 11 am and 7 pm when there will be speakers at each of them sharing what God has done and is doing...There is plenty of room in the vehicle known as Kerith Community Church and the Free Recovery is always there for everyone .
I was driving along the M4 and in between here and Reading there are roadworks for a couple of miles with a "go slow" fifty mile speed limit. So I slowed down and began to drive within the limit and I noticed at the side of the motorway is a sign that says
"FREE RECOVERY ...STAY IN VEHICLE "
This must be a sign we have all passed many times and certainly I haven't paid much attention to it in the past yet today it zapped me ! For the rest of the journey I began to "hear " God speak into my life and what is going on inside my spirit. You see for the last few days I have begun to work on a "preach" that I am doing on 3rd March...its just a 10 min slot at the 7pm meeting at church . As I have worked on it with my mentor and rehearsed it and absorbed it into my heart in the hope that when I speak that it touches people and I felt God say to me that ...
".just as I have had some major work done in my life over the last 20 plus years it has only been possible because of the
"Free Recovery " offered to me through the sacrifice of his son Jesus but also that I had to
"Stay in the Vehicle "....
Seems a weird kind of thing to understand but I knew immediately what God meant....the "vehicle " was ( and still is ) the church...the community of believers that God has placed me in for such a time as this....
We are not meant to travel through roadworks at high speed and recklessly...we are meant to slow down and if there is a problem we need to stay with the vehicle !!! I know for sure that I would not be in this place of wholeness and restoration if I had moved away from the vehicle or if I had ignored the free recovery !!
I would love to think that this coming Sunday at each of the meetings ...9am 11 am and 7 pm when there will be speakers at each of them sharing what God has done and is doing...There is plenty of room in the vehicle known as Kerith Community Church and the Free Recovery is always there for everyone .
Thursday, 14 February 2013
Grannys Gap Year (11) Tears for Souvenirs
We are officially half way through the year of Academy now . So amazed to think I have completed six months and only have six more to go. What on earth will I do when it is over ?? I am trying not to think about it and just want to enjoy every moment of this God given year. I would be less than honest to say its not been hard. Finding the time to study,write,research and serve amidst a life that is already busy with work and family has been a constant tension and I know that I am very aware that I am not as young as I like to think! I get more tired as I struggle keep going . Yet it is a good "tired" not a soul searing "cant go on tired " more a " God please help me " kind of tired.Next week is a reading week which for me basically means I don't have to be at Academy for the two days in the week and don't have to serve on Sunday at the end of the week but its likely that my life will just expand into those gaps and I am pretty sure I wont actually do much " reading".
The title of this post " tears for souvenirs " is a real throwback to an old song by singer Ken Dodd...it may well have been covered by others but he is the singer I remember mainly because my mum had the record. I am talking an old 45 vinyl and if you have no idea what that is then ask someone over 45 years of age! In the song the lyrics say something like this
"Tears cant mend a broken heart
Lets forgive and forget
turn our tears of regret
once more into tears of happiness"
Each week that's gone by in Academy I have asked God to open my heart and give me ears to hear and eyes to see and have concentrated on learning all I can from the leaders who have shared their hearts with us all . As I have studied scripture and I have written notes and assignments and I have given precious time to serving each week with Konstruction Krew and served behind the scenes as part of the Academy ethos and as I have chatted and spent time with the other students and watched us all grow closer as time has gone by I have shed so many tears ,I seem to cry so much more these days and realise that God is once again softening my heart. Maybe I was dry and thirsty and didn't realise it ? Maybe I had grown hard hearted and didn't know it ? Maybe I had gotten careless of my salvation and took it for granted without being daily thankful? I don't know exactly why the tears seem to flow so easily,but I have come to welcome them and not to be afraid of them or embarrassed.
Today I heard two of the students share their "preach" and both were completely different yet both challenged me in different ways. The first talked about " building " ... challenging me to look at what am I building my life on? The second spoke about "favoritism"... challenging me not to judge people on what they do but on who they are .Then I listened to one of my hero's who "critiqued" their talk expand more on what they had said. Later we had several other leaders whose words all seem to link to one another and form a theme all the way through the day. I found myself once more crying !! I have spent last hour or so on my own just reflecting on why the tears are flowing and asking God if he can show me why I am so weepy and as I said earlier I started to sing this song in my spirit. Now usually I get a churchy kind of song which resonates on repeat in my head but this time it was a golden oldie from the Diddy man !
This is what I feel God is saying and doing in my life .....Over the last few months I have been doing a lot of thinking ,talking and writing about my past and realising that my tears over what was so hard to live through can never "mend a broken heart " and as I have once more prayed through all the tough times and spoken out about them God "turned my tears of regret into tears of happiness" and that only God could have accomplished this. God...through his precious son Jesus and the gift of grace given to me through his death and resurrection is the reason I have been enabled to turn my regret to happiness. So all I know is the tears may just keep on flowing and I may look back in times to come and say it was a year of tears! But I believe that I will know them as "souvenirs " of what God is doing. I still have six months to go so who knows how many tears have still to fall or how many tissues I may have used by Graduation Day in July.!!
Three other very small but significant things happened today that I will end this blog entry with.
One of the students said something which has taken root deep into my soul and later she leaned over and wrote something on my notebook. The combination of both the written and spoken words she shared have caused my spirit to be thankful of the restoration I have known. Let me share them briefly with you ...she first of all said something like..
"You are a challenge to me because you have such contentment with your life "
Then she wrote on my notepad ....
"Always have a friend who has the gift of wisdom (and you are mine ) "
and finally the thrill ( sad person I am ) of getting my assignment back with the word "Distinction" written on it.
Yep...my "tears will be souvenirs" of this Academy Year.
The title of this post " tears for souvenirs " is a real throwback to an old song by singer Ken Dodd...it may well have been covered by others but he is the singer I remember mainly because my mum had the record. I am talking an old 45 vinyl and if you have no idea what that is then ask someone over 45 years of age! In the song the lyrics say something like this
"Tears cant mend a broken heart
Lets forgive and forget
turn our tears of regret
once more into tears of happiness"
Each week that's gone by in Academy I have asked God to open my heart and give me ears to hear and eyes to see and have concentrated on learning all I can from the leaders who have shared their hearts with us all . As I have studied scripture and I have written notes and assignments and I have given precious time to serving each week with Konstruction Krew and served behind the scenes as part of the Academy ethos and as I have chatted and spent time with the other students and watched us all grow closer as time has gone by I have shed so many tears ,I seem to cry so much more these days and realise that God is once again softening my heart. Maybe I was dry and thirsty and didn't realise it ? Maybe I had grown hard hearted and didn't know it ? Maybe I had gotten careless of my salvation and took it for granted without being daily thankful? I don't know exactly why the tears seem to flow so easily,but I have come to welcome them and not to be afraid of them or embarrassed.
Today I heard two of the students share their "preach" and both were completely different yet both challenged me in different ways. The first talked about " building " ... challenging me to look at what am I building my life on? The second spoke about "favoritism"... challenging me not to judge people on what they do but on who they are .Then I listened to one of my hero's who "critiqued" their talk expand more on what they had said. Later we had several other leaders whose words all seem to link to one another and form a theme all the way through the day. I found myself once more crying !! I have spent last hour or so on my own just reflecting on why the tears are flowing and asking God if he can show me why I am so weepy and as I said earlier I started to sing this song in my spirit. Now usually I get a churchy kind of song which resonates on repeat in my head but this time it was a golden oldie from the Diddy man !
This is what I feel God is saying and doing in my life .....Over the last few months I have been doing a lot of thinking ,talking and writing about my past and realising that my tears over what was so hard to live through can never "mend a broken heart " and as I have once more prayed through all the tough times and spoken out about them God "turned my tears of regret into tears of happiness" and that only God could have accomplished this. God...through his precious son Jesus and the gift of grace given to me through his death and resurrection is the reason I have been enabled to turn my regret to happiness. So all I know is the tears may just keep on flowing and I may look back in times to come and say it was a year of tears! But I believe that I will know them as "souvenirs " of what God is doing. I still have six months to go so who knows how many tears have still to fall or how many tissues I may have used by Graduation Day in July.!!
Three other very small but significant things happened today that I will end this blog entry with.
One of the students said something which has taken root deep into my soul and later she leaned over and wrote something on my notebook. The combination of both the written and spoken words she shared have caused my spirit to be thankful of the restoration I have known. Let me share them briefly with you ...she first of all said something like..
"You are a challenge to me because you have such contentment with your life "
Then she wrote on my notepad ....
"Always have a friend who has the gift of wisdom (and you are mine ) "
and finally the thrill ( sad person I am ) of getting my assignment back with the word "Distinction" written on it.
Yep...my "tears will be souvenirs" of this Academy Year.
Tuesday, 12 February 2013
The Locust Years
This last two weeks I have been working on what our church calls a 10/10 Sunday. This an opportunity for people who the elders / leaders feel have something to share with the church community. It takes the form of 10 people speaking for 10 minutes each over the three meetings. Usually it is 3 at the 9am meeting plus 3 at the 11am meeting and 4 at the 7pm. I have been asked to speak at the 7pm meeting and given the verse from The Lords Prayer "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us " (shameless plug to please come along and be a smiling friendly face at the 7pm meeting ).
I have worked on the talk for this last two weeks batting drafts to and from my fabby mentor Val Cottee and yesterday we agreed it was as ready as it ever would be so I can sign off on it and let it soak into my spirit for when I actually do the jolly thing. At the moment I am calm ,cool,and collected but I guess nearer the time I may be a little shaky and a bit of panic may slip in so please do feel free to pray for me .
But...as I was preparing this "talk" God began to speak to me from this verse in Joel .There are of course loads of different translations and there are two that I like....
NASB says this... "Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locusts have eaten"
NLT says this......." The Lord says ; I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts "
In my 10/10 preach I speak about the years of my childhood which were chaotic and mostly full of pain and confusion and as I grew up I had no real idea of what a family was supposed to be like or how to relate well to others and I was full of hurt and anger and bitterness. I talk about the way God intervened and how over time I began a journey of forgiving others and being forgiven myself . If I am honest there were many times I wanted to run and hide from God and from my christian friends as hurt after hurt surfaced . There were things I had not shared with anyone else and I found myself almost grieving for the family I never had and wondering if I would ever know true restoration. It was a journey..at times seemingly impossible to go on but God was with me every step of the way reminding me of his love...showering me with his grace and bringing restoration and healing.
Now....28 years later I can look back and see that Gods word is true.!! I may have "lost out" big time on my childhood being a growing and nurturing experience but somehow I have been enabled to create my own family and its with great joy I can say that I have loved Chris for almost 40 years ( and each year feel more and more deeply in love with him )..we have three amazing grown up children who all have spouses/partners and we have two grandchildren and a third one expected very soon who fill our hearts and lives with great joy. We may have had some tough times as they grew up ..especially as I was dealing with some fairly traumatic memories but I look at what I came from and look at where I am now and I can say with deep gratitude that God is good !
If you were to ask me what my favourite activity is ? or what I would choose to do for a weekend or day out I would always say..spend time with the family . It isn't always easy to get all of us together at one time but ask them what I say and they are sure to say "when mummy has all her chicks in the one place there she will be smiling and happy ". My family of birth and childhood may not have been the best but I can see the truth of the "word " from Joel ...that God surely has "given me back and made it up to me " for the years the locusts have eaten .
The photo with this entry is one of my family taken in 1962.. when I was 7 years of age...yes that cute little girly in front is me ! and its the only one in existence of our entire family. It was shortly after this photo that the family really fell apart....so I treasure this photo ...altho for years I couldn't even look at it as the pain and hurt and anger made it too hard but now I can look at it and let my heart and spirit keep on releasing grace and love into the past.I encourage you to come along to one or all of the meetings on the 3rd March...not just because I am speaking (!) but because I know that God can and will use each of the speakers to bring truth into your lives. See you there xxx
I have worked on the talk for this last two weeks batting drafts to and from my fabby mentor Val Cottee and yesterday we agreed it was as ready as it ever would be so I can sign off on it and let it soak into my spirit for when I actually do the jolly thing. At the moment I am calm ,cool,and collected but I guess nearer the time I may be a little shaky and a bit of panic may slip in so please do feel free to pray for me .
But...as I was preparing this "talk" God began to speak to me from this verse in Joel .There are of course loads of different translations and there are two that I like....
NASB says this... "Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locusts have eaten"
NLT says this......." The Lord says ; I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts "
In my 10/10 preach I speak about the years of my childhood which were chaotic and mostly full of pain and confusion and as I grew up I had no real idea of what a family was supposed to be like or how to relate well to others and I was full of hurt and anger and bitterness. I talk about the way God intervened and how over time I began a journey of forgiving others and being forgiven myself . If I am honest there were many times I wanted to run and hide from God and from my christian friends as hurt after hurt surfaced . There were things I had not shared with anyone else and I found myself almost grieving for the family I never had and wondering if I would ever know true restoration. It was a journey..at times seemingly impossible to go on but God was with me every step of the way reminding me of his love...showering me with his grace and bringing restoration and healing.
Now....28 years later I can look back and see that Gods word is true.!! I may have "lost out" big time on my childhood being a growing and nurturing experience but somehow I have been enabled to create my own family and its with great joy I can say that I have loved Chris for almost 40 years ( and each year feel more and more deeply in love with him )..we have three amazing grown up children who all have spouses/partners and we have two grandchildren and a third one expected very soon who fill our hearts and lives with great joy. We may have had some tough times as they grew up ..especially as I was dealing with some fairly traumatic memories but I look at what I came from and look at where I am now and I can say with deep gratitude that God is good !
If you were to ask me what my favourite activity is ? or what I would choose to do for a weekend or day out I would always say..spend time with the family . It isn't always easy to get all of us together at one time but ask them what I say and they are sure to say "when mummy has all her chicks in the one place there she will be smiling and happy ". My family of birth and childhood may not have been the best but I can see the truth of the "word " from Joel ...that God surely has "given me back and made it up to me " for the years the locusts have eaten .
Monday, 4 February 2013
Grannys Gap Year...(10)...Be Blessed
Our second assignment was a choice of a written one or we could speak it. I chose to write but several of the Academy chose to speak and at the beginning of our term we had the three brave students do their spoken "letter". The assignment was to write a letter to today's "global church " basing it loosely on Paul's Epistles. Speak words (or write words ) of exhortation and encouragement with a touch of Pauls direction. It was a fascinating topic and one I actually enjoyed doing..altho at present I don't yet have it back so no idea if my marker will have enjoyed reading it.
The three students all presented completely different styles and different topics and were all sensational..I have so much respect for these "youngsters" and especially the ones for which English is not their first language.
To digress slightly and then bring myself back to the point of this blog entry...for many years Ben Davies (who led Kerith before Simon Benham ) would often end his sermon by asking each section of the church to "look at me " he would say "let me see the whites of your eyes" or similar and then he would speak a blessing over us all. It would often be from scripture eg Numbers Ch 6 v22 which says
The Lord bless you and keep you ;
The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you ;
The Lord turn his face towards you and give you peace
Every time Ben did this I would feel as if God himself was blessing me and looked forward to him doing this.
So...back to the Academy speaking assignments and one of the overseas students Arvydas (RV)was speaking and every few sentences he would use the words
Be Blessed
I am not sure how many times he actually said this but it seemed as if when he did he caught my eye so it felt as if he was saying it directly to me!! I have no idea really what else he spoke about as I was so focus-ed on those two words .( so just as well I am not a marker)
Be Blessed
It so reminded me of the blessings Ben D used to speak over us and I truly believe there is some kind of spiritual impartation when people speak such words and since RV spoke several weeks ago I feel as if somehow I have been blessed way more than normal even altho life is busy...life is hectic,...life is pressured.
(we have somehow managed to move house in the last 3 weeks too) I am overwhelmed at times with so much to do and so little time...I have a 10/10 preach coming up and a spoken assignment still to write..there are numerous boxes still to unpack in the garage ...I have no idea where anything is in the new house...my "to do" list has a life of its own and multiplies overnight (!) and yet RVs words resound in my mind and spirit on a daily basis... Be Blessed..Be Blessed ..Be Blessed
In the midst of all that my daily life consists of ...I am recognising tmore and more that Gods blessings are tangible and real. I have a great family.. I have great friends..I have a great job ... I get to be a part of a great Academy gang and serve with an incredible team on Sundays watching and being a part of "Inspiring a Generation for Christ" I have food to eat...clothes on my back...a lovely comfortable and warm home ..cars ...and so much more than I can ask or imagine.
Since RV spoke I have been keeping a "blessing" jar and each time I reflect on Gods goodness I write out what I am feeling and pop it in the jar...it is already filling up. It may just be a small thing ..perhaps my grandson laughing which always fills my heart with joy..or it may be an encouraging text..or some flowers or a meal with friends for my birthday...or a lovely cuppa in bed with Chris...or just 20 mins of peace and silence with my bible. All Blessings...we just need to look for them with fresh eyes .
I don't think for one moment that RV or indeed Ben had any idea of the impact their words have had but I know for me that it is so important to bless people with the words of our mouth and although I cant speak them to everyone who may read this I can write it in bold and capital letters in the hope that you will also feel as if God is imparting his blessing upon you .
BE BLESSED
ps.. I also have to say that RV has the most amazing ability to hug....if you have never been hugged by RV then seek him out and have one ..they are just the best hugs ever.!!
The three students all presented completely different styles and different topics and were all sensational..I have so much respect for these "youngsters" and especially the ones for which English is not their first language.
To digress slightly and then bring myself back to the point of this blog entry...for many years Ben Davies (who led Kerith before Simon Benham ) would often end his sermon by asking each section of the church to "look at me " he would say "let me see the whites of your eyes" or similar and then he would speak a blessing over us all. It would often be from scripture eg Numbers Ch 6 v22 which says
The Lord bless you and keep you ;
The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you ;
The Lord turn his face towards you and give you peace
Every time Ben did this I would feel as if God himself was blessing me and looked forward to him doing this.
So...back to the Academy speaking assignments and one of the overseas students Arvydas (RV)was speaking and every few sentences he would use the words
Be Blessed
I am not sure how many times he actually said this but it seemed as if when he did he caught my eye so it felt as if he was saying it directly to me!! I have no idea really what else he spoke about as I was so focus-ed on those two words .( so just as well I am not a marker)
Be Blessed
It so reminded me of the blessings Ben D used to speak over us and I truly believe there is some kind of spiritual impartation when people speak such words and since RV spoke several weeks ago I feel as if somehow I have been blessed way more than normal even altho life is busy...life is hectic,...life is pressured.
(we have somehow managed to move house in the last 3 weeks too) I am overwhelmed at times with so much to do and so little time...I have a 10/10 preach coming up and a spoken assignment still to write..there are numerous boxes still to unpack in the garage ...I have no idea where anything is in the new house...my "to do" list has a life of its own and multiplies overnight (!) and yet RVs words resound in my mind and spirit on a daily basis... Be Blessed..Be Blessed ..Be Blessed
In the midst of all that my daily life consists of ...I am recognising tmore and more that Gods blessings are tangible and real. I have a great family.. I have great friends..I have a great job ... I get to be a part of a great Academy gang and serve with an incredible team on Sundays watching and being a part of "Inspiring a Generation for Christ" I have food to eat...clothes on my back...a lovely comfortable and warm home ..cars ...and so much more than I can ask or imagine.
Since RV spoke I have been keeping a "blessing" jar and each time I reflect on Gods goodness I write out what I am feeling and pop it in the jar...it is already filling up. It may just be a small thing ..perhaps my grandson laughing which always fills my heart with joy..or it may be an encouraging text..or some flowers or a meal with friends for my birthday...or a lovely cuppa in bed with Chris...or just 20 mins of peace and silence with my bible. All Blessings...we just need to look for them with fresh eyes .
I don't think for one moment that RV or indeed Ben had any idea of the impact their words have had but I know for me that it is so important to bless people with the words of our mouth and although I cant speak them to everyone who may read this I can write it in bold and capital letters in the hope that you will also feel as if God is imparting his blessing upon you .
BE BLESSED
ps.. I also have to say that RV has the most amazing ability to hug....if you have never been hugged by RV then seek him out and have one ..they are just the best hugs ever.!!
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