GRANNYS GAP YEAR..(2)

Well....its the end of my first week as an official member of The Kerith Academy and what a week it has been.!! I started last Sunday serving at both morning meetings with Konstruction Krew (5-11s) over in K2...arriving at 8.15 am and because we had a Team Lunch I got home around 3pm.

Talk about being thrown in at the deep end....it was the end of the summer programme and to my eyes it was organised chaos...I had absolutely no idea how to play Bible Cricket so just made up the rules as I went along...had fun but not sure if we actually played it correctly. The noise in K2 with children playing games all around me was actually quite scary ...definitely not used to 50 plus children in such a small space playing games I didn't know but hey... "comfort zone"....be gone in Jesus name !!!

The team lunch was great...just hanging out and eating together ....building community with folks I knew perhaps by sight but not well....so really looking forward to getting to know them better as the year progresses.

Monday evening was spent sorting out my "stuff" it kinda felt like a school child's checklist.

Pens tick
Bag  tick
Packed lunch  tick
Notebook..tick

etc etc and of course the obligatory early night....

All being well as I slept like a babe but woke at 3.30 am for a drink....and as I bent to get the orange from the fridge I felt really light headed...the next thing I knew I was flat out on the floor between the kitchen and hall...hitting my chin..fingers and left hand side of my chest...obviously low blood sugar and a faint.!!  
I crawled on hands and knees into living room and lay on sofa till I felt able to get back to bed. I was in agony and didn't sleep well at all despite taking painkillers .....BUT..I was determined to make it to Academy the next day ...NOTHING was going to stop me.....

Tuesday was the first day in the office....this was a full on information day as I was introduced to the others in the Team....there are 15 of us of whom 6 are  from either Lithuania or Estonia...(apologies as no idea who is from where at the the moment ) and Heidi from Devon and the rest home grown Berkshire . We had a tour of the church buildings...thought might have been a bit of a bore as I had been around when the jolly church was built but in actual fact it was great to see the changes made over the years as we have grown in numbers and developed so many different ministries. We were also introduced to the staff members and which ministry they were part of...mind boggling numbers of different people and areas....loved The West Wing..!! But mainly we filled in forms and took in dates and times and job descriptions and mercifully escaped early at 3pm....I couldn't wait to get home to lay flat and take more painkillers.

I say mercifully .... as I also was hosting a Kore Team Meeting at my home for the Konstruction Krew gang to come and talk about the term ahead so a quick whizz around with vacuum and sort out of our dinner and set chairs out and wham...back into meeting mode with people I knew by sight but not well...I can see a theme developing here. Painkillers and sleep were becoming my friends. I knew early in the morning when I woke that there was something more than just a knock going on so I headed to Frimley Hospital....only one other person there...hurrah...so got seen really quick....had x ray and it seems I have two very small fractures at the tip of my left top rib and boy do I know it.....coughing....bending....walking...driving....all incredibly painful but got some major drugs on board so will get through it...4-6 weeks they said before fully healed but I know that God can heal a lot quicker than that. I rested most of Wednesday and was determined to get to Academy for the Teaching Class on Thursday.

So glad I made it.....had an amazing time....hanging out with 14 other people who will become my friends and family over the next year ( I think I am old enough to be every ones mother if not Granny )...on a gorgeous sunny day ...in a great venue...and getting to listen to some quality speakers all rolled into a 6 hour slot more than made up for the fact I was popping pills and moving very slowly. The prayers for healing that they prayed hasn't made a great deal of difference YET  but I am believing that God can heal quicker than 4-6 weeks so watch this space .

So ....Granny's Gap year has well and truly begun...I am excited...overwhelmed...(cried all over several people )..and ready to be changed ...challenged...prodded....and definitely moved way out of my comfort zone.

GRANNYS GAP YEAR

I thought I would post a blog entry that would lift my spirits....its been a tough few days in our family but hopefully I will cheer myself up just writing this blog.!!

If you have ever been in London and travel on the Tube...it used to be that when the train stopped in the station the electronic voice would say...MIND THE GAP . This was to warn people that there was "space " in between the platform and the doorway of the train. At some stations this GAP was quite wide and meant you had to really look where you were going and step big....at other stations it seemed as if the GAP was so tiny that you wondered why the voice said it at all. This seemed to me the only time the word GAP was ever used...I don't remember ever using the word in any sentences at all.

Then at some point in history the word GAP took on a new meaning....and the most popular way of using it was to explain the time that a student would take between leaving school and going to university. Some GAPS were a whole year and meant work and travel...and stepping big.....other GAPS seemed to only last a few weeks or months but it was way of broadening life and giving the student a taste of independence and for some a dipping into a new culture and new relationships....for most GAP year students I guess they would say that it helped prepare them for the next stage in their journey.

When I left school....( all those decades ago ) there was no chance of me going to university and certainly no GAP year...it hadn't been invented in those dark ages....I also had my children fairly young but spaced out over the years so it never entered my head to regret not having the opportunity to have a GAP year....women of my generation didn't do stuff like that.

So....now I am  Granny....now I am fairly free of family....now I am actually approaching OAP status....I have decided  I am going to have  GAP year....YEP....me....!!

It is not going to be the wee small GAP as explained above ...its not going be a wee tiptoe over from one place to another on my life journey....nope...I am going to have one huge big leap into the unknown....in fact from where I am standing ...poised to jump..I cant even see the other side of the GAP...its a huge unknown and scary leap......

I am so amazed that the people in my life are enabling me to do this...the mum of  the fabby big lad I hang out with has given me the go ahead....the wee boy who is my gorgeous grandson fits around the GAP and his grandad ...my Chris... is releasing me in so many ways to have my GAP year and not one of them is saying ...MIND THE GAP.....they are all saying...GO FOR IT...

So....what is Grannys Gap Year....well....the church I belong to has a year long course called  THE ACADEMY.....and it basically means you give a year to serve in one of the church ministries....I have to work it round my work and family commitments which as I have said everyone is supporting me in....I will have the immense privilege of working alongside some amazing men and women of God...serving the Sunday ministry that is Konstruction Krew.. (childrens church for 5 to 11 year old )..I will be mentored by another amazing woman of God..I will have a classroom teaching session each week from the leaders of churches that will expand my knowledge of God and the bible and I will share my GAP year with a dozen or so other students...both from this country and abroad...... I guess I will be the oldest one on the team and probably old enough to be their grey haired Granny....and I wonder what folk may think about it but I just know this is the time for me to be doing this and if I hadnt taken the courage and applied I know I would have regretted it. It will be an opportunity for me to be ME,,,not a Mum or a Granny..it will a time for new friendships...travel...new learning skills (those who know me well  know that technology is a very big GAP ) and a broadening of my life. I am so ...so....so....looking forward to this coming season in my life.

So....Grannys Gap Year....and I am going to step out of my comfort zone...and jump....its gonna be fun.

OH FAITHFUL GOD

A few years ago our lead Pastor at the time..the fabby Ben D...often would seem to latch on to one worship song and have the band play it over and over again....( who else has lost count of how many times we sang..To The River !)

One song that I have been humming away to myself over the last few days  has been Oh Faithful God...Its quite an oldie and a really easy one to sing but the words are very strong and powerful. Ben D would have us sing it over and over and encourage us let the words and music grip our spirits and minister strength and faith for those who perhaps needed to know Gods faithfulness.

In this last few days I have known amazing highs and spirit dipping lows and some creaking and cranking in betweens..!!...Hang on tight whilst I explain

I had a whirlwind 4 day trip to Edinburgh with Cat and Elisha and we visited and hung out with my family...precious times that are only really possible once a year as Canada is so far away and getting everyone in one place is so hard....not to mention jolly expensive. With the arrival earlier this year of my grand niece and nephew its was even more precious to hang out with them and my brother and sister. After two full on days with them Cat and I took Elisha off to meet his other cousins on Chris side of the family...This is the first time all 4 Great Grandchildren have been together so again...very precious times....but full on busy ness....

We then got to see two of my oldest friends....known them both for almost 40 years....and spending time with them was equally special. Sadly one of those friends is in the grip of a staggering depression which is so debilitating she can barely function. I spent most of the time with her holding her while she cried as we talked and prayed.

As we arrived back at Heathrow with The Wee Boy so impatient to see his Daddy and Grandad again he was shouting it at top of his voice....I received a text from The Dorset Buddy to say her Chemo had won the battle and that sent me to the Heathrow loos so I could bawl my eyes out..( I was actually sick as I felt so relieved ).

In this last few days I have also heard that the middle son is moving out...(hurrah ) and he and his gorgeous girly will be setting up home together (hurrah)...then I heard some other news that had me crying with both great joy and a touch of despair  as I thought through how it would affect the family.....and later on Friday I heard that I may lose one of my childminding children and I realised  that with losing the middle sons rent and childminded fee could mean a shortage of 600.00 per month in our already tight budget....(can you see me swinging around )..In between all this our eldest son and partner and their daughter arrived back all bronzed and tanned from their Turkey holiday so we had the morning listening to their amazing tales and enjoying their company...Then last night I heard some other news which sent me to my knees in prayer and kept me up half the night.....I also heard from another of my oldest friends that one of her grandsons was in hospital having surgery ...he is only a matter of weeks old...and this too has had me cry out to God for healing.

Can you just imagine the "highs and lows "....It has been a very long time since I have had so many packed into so short a time and boy have I needed some faith to hang on to.

Today ...Chris and I spent some "us time" having a lovely walk in Marlow and having lunch together..altho this was interspersed with my sending and receiving 31 texts (!) as we tried to sort out the family crisis.

So......here are some of the words to the song that has been my support over last few days...

I WILL TRUST IN YOU.....MY HOPE AND MY  HELP.....MY MAKER AND MY  FAITHFUL GOD
YOU LIFT ME UP AND YOU UPHOLD MY CAUSE....YOU GIVE ME LIFE...YOU DRY MY EYES...YOU ARE A FAITHFUL GOD....

I know that there are some folk who are reading this that have lives that seem pain filled and stressed in similar ways and my heart aches for you all...but all I can say...( or sing )..is FAITHFUL GOD .

The REAL Me part two

Picking up on my last blog post....I thought I would share answers to the questions that were on the Peter Scazzero Sheets we were given at REAL...maybe you can use them and think about what you would answer.

Question one.....What nurtures your spirit and fills you with delight??

My answer to that has always been pretty much the same....my husband nurtures my spirit..spending time dawdling around on Saturdays with Chris....wandering around the shops ...watching DVDs....going to the beach ....love my time with Chris,,,,add on to that the time we spend as a family...its rare...maybe only 3 times a year when we are all in the same place at same time but we usually manage various combinations fairly regularly and this always nurtures my spirit....we just eat together...walk together..watch telly together...walk the pooches together..just generally hang out...I always feel at peace when we get to spend time together....this nurtures my spirit....Workwise....I get to hang out with a great young man in the guise of work and he nurtures my spirit as we laugh at things together and go here there and everywhere ...he never gets in a bad mood or grumpy he is genuinely a great young man. and then finally....my grand children....I don't see too much of Mathilda but she is just the best 12 year old ever and I love her honesty and sense of fun as well as the fact she is just an all round great young woman....and of course Elisha....God sent this wee boy into our lives purely to bring us joy and definitely to nurture my spirit.

Question Two.....What do you need to avoid?? What pulls you away from anchoring in Christ??

This was the question that started the tears flowing as I thought through the many ways and many times I can be pulled away from Jesus.....the laziness....the gossip....the pity parties....the lack of self care....the endless need for affirmation from others....friendships that aren't Godly....Relationships that I need to get sorted...unforgiveness....Oh I could go on and on....but as I listed some things on the day I also felt as if I had pulled a plug and was letting it all drain away with the tears....As I cried and just let Christ touch me afresh I could just feel his peace and grace flowing into my spirit....its times like these I am grateful for GRACE......and MERCY....and his all knowing FORGIVENESS.....

Question Three....What are your personal "have to " list in this season of your life that will impact your rhythm??

This was harder to answer and I am still thinking this one through....the most important thing I have put into action is mainly relationally....I am working through  areas where I know that God wants me to put right  There are several friendships that have veered off course and I know I have to get myself back into good relationships with people who will build me up ..."take me up in their lift " and that I also need to ensure that I am personally "clean" and not saying or doing anything that would ensnare others....
The other main area that will hopefully impact my Rhythm of Life is getting a routine established for regular prayer and regular bible time...because I tend to work at home it can be all too easy to slip into bad habits and laziness....all wrapped up in the excuse of looking after children and working with my young man...BUT I know deep down this is an excuse...I can and want to develop a good daily habit of time with God...ask me about that in a few weeks time as I aim to get a new Rhythm going....

I wonder....did anyone else get time to answer these questions...I would love to know how you answered and if it had a similar impact with you as it did with me.

The REAL Me

It seems as tho the REAL conference was sooooo long ago and I haven't had a chance to blog it but this week I have found myself reading my notes again and thinking back to what God was saying through the amazing speakers. I take weeks to assimilate my notes and even when I do it often just ends up being "one thing"....I loved hearing Shauna speak...I loved her books and in the flesh she was amazingly REAL....Catrina ,.as always was very REAL and having Simon speaking as well was bordering on more than REAL !!!....

I was stewarding and serving sometimes can take the edge of being fully into the conference as people may need help or advice or info and it is difficult to engage all the time but I was gripped by the afternoon session which gave us some time to reflect and write out some thoughts....This I had seen when Peter Scazzaro spoke earlier on in the year and really hadn't given it much time or thought,,,,Peter wrote the book "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality " which I have been reading and doing the workbook so maybe I was a bit more prepared this time round and open to what God was saying.


The sheet of paper we were given to write on had separate sections headlined....

Relationships
Rest
Work
Prayer


We were encouraged to have an inner dialogue with God about each of these areas and to write down any of the things that were out of balance...eg...do we work work work and not give time to rest....how were our relationships ...our marriage.... what kind of prayer life do we have...or not have ...you get the drift....

I spent a fair bit of time writing and thinking and was amazed at how out of balance I felt I have been...sometimes you just have to take some time out and reflect honestly with yourself don't you??

The other side of the page was an encouragement to create a "RULE OF LIFE"...Peter Scazzaro says the

 A Rule of Life is like a Trellis that helps us to abide in Christ and become more fruitful spiritually. Its our unique combination of Spiritual Practices that help us to keep God at the centre of who we are and what we do .


1) What nurtures your spirit and fills you with delight?
2)What do you need to avoid/??what pulls you away from anchoring in Christ?
3)What are your personal "have to do" in this season that will impact your rhythm?

If I am perfectly honest I will say that I spent the next few minutes crying...from somewhere deep inside the tears just flowed...I felt really silly because I wasn't sad...I wasn't doing anything wrong in my life I just felt as if I had stumbled into something that God had been trying to get my attention to for a long time and being at REAL meant He could finally get me to pay attention. As I was serving I didn't feel I could fall apart so I had a quick walk to the loo....its amazing how many women end up in the loo at times like this...I passed several on the way in and several on the way out...none of us meeting the others eyes !!!! Just a sort of cameradie that said..".I understand and will leave you alone "

Since REAL....I have spent some more time reading Peters book and looking over my Rule of Life and trying to put some of it  into action....I will hopefully blog more about how I am doing in the next few days.

I wonder how others are doing? ....were you impacted by Peters work sheet?....have you created a Rule of Life?.....I am always amazed that so many people can sit listening to the same speaker yet get so many different things from the same message....God knows each of us intimately and knows exactly what we need to hear for our season in life...Our God is truly "ours" in every sense of the word.

IS THIS A VIABLE IDEA OR JUST A DREAM

For several years now I have been dreaming....you know how Simon Benham our lead Elder encourages us all to dream....to think big...to believe we can do things....and at many other times we have had preaching along similar lines...to go back to God and ask Him for dreams....to pray into dreams we may have already had....or to renew and review dreams we have laid aside or forgotten about.

I know several other friends who have been dreaming too...for longer that I have and yet still haven't seen the timing being right and just watching them dig deep into God and looking at all times to see how...or when...the dreams can begin to be a reality....has been such an encouragement to me.

Yesterday the preacher...Sola... didn't talk specifically  about dreams as such but he did encourage us to go back to God and to believe that God would and could answer our prayers...Whilst I prayed for someone in my family ....I also felt God nudge me gently again re this dream.... I have only ever spoken about it to the gorgeous man I have the amazing joy of being married to and shared with my best buddy in Bracknell...both of them have always been my greatest encourager's and both have said ...yeah go for it....

Its always a little scary when you actually get the dream out of your head and into words...somehow or other they become substance and take form and have life....and its even more difficult to retract them too. I have been following Ruth Buxton over the last 2 years as she has shared her dream of Noahs Coffee  House..her blog link is on my blog list so feel free to read her journey so far... I have loved her strength..her courage..her determination...her faith...her unshakable belief that God has given her this dream.. this destiny..... I am old enough to be her mother yet I feel so young and naive in my faith in comparison to hers.

My dream is nothing like hers...or indeed like any ones really....I think God gives us all different paths and journeys and dreams according to who we are and how our characters and personalities mature over our lives but it is up to us as to whether we take action or just carry on dreaming.

Let me share my dream....and I really ...really...really....would love your feedback...either email or message rather than comment on Fbook....please also feel free to "share" on your own news feed on Fbook....the more replies I get the better ...I have no idea re timing...or much of anything really I just want to get it out into the open and get some reaction to gauge whether this is the time for me to do something... do research.....or just to hold on for a little while longer.

I absolutely adore de-cluttering...my all time favourite activity is re-arranging my home....faced with an airing cupboard which if you open the door everything falls out...I can spend a happy afternoon sorting it out and colour coding and folding....My kitchen cupboards are completely in line with the actual needs of the space...eg...the cupboard above the dishwasher is where all the crockery lives so you don't have to move when emptying the dishwasher....the cupboard above the kettle is where you will find the mugs...the tea..the coffee and the sugar...the cutlery drawer is on the right and the fridge is on the left...you don't even have to move your feet...only the upper body.!!....My utility room is similar and also doubles as a changing area for babies...and again...the changing matt is directly under the cupboards where you will find the nappies and the cream etc...are you getting the idea.??

Our bedroom is small and compact with no wasted space at all...I can stand in front of the drawers and everything I need is right there...my underwear...my face cleanser...cotton wool....mirror....hairbrush hair-dryer....again I don't need to move my feet at all......The downstairs loo ...I can stand in front of the mirror and my make-up  is within reach....The child-minding paperwork is all filed in my filing cabinet...The child-minding toys are all in baskets and both myself and the children I care for all know what is in each basket without looking... I regularly go through the garden sheds...the loft..the garage and recycle or throw away or give away anything that isn't used or not needed...my lovely hubby takes it all to various recycling places or to other peoples homes...He is so used to me doing this and when the list appears for a Saturday we just get on and do it....recently we put a proper ladder for loft access and my greatest joy was actually getting up there for first time in 7 years...oooooh what fun I had and I know exactly what is up there now and exactly where it is

NOW...before you bombard me with some horrible label such as OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder ) I don't have that....honest...despite several of my friends joking about it constantly.....I have no desire to repeat actions over and over again...and I am not anywhere on the AS (autistic spectrum )...I just enjoy things having a place to stay...this stems from my childhood I know as with all the moving around we did I never knew where anything that belonged to me was...so I kinda guess living this way is my security blanket but seriously its actually something I enjoy.

I have a gorgeous daughter who sometimes lets me loose in her home and we have a couple of days when we restore order and I Love Love Love that.....I have a couple of friends who fearfully have invited me to help them sort out a room or look over the house and make suggestions etc....we even had one very trusting couple who left us their key and went to Australia whilst we de-cluttered and painted their living room...oh what fun I had...

So....For some time I have been thinking of offering this as a service...ie a business that would bring me income....I already work full time so it would have to start small and only be available around certain hours etc...but the BIG question is...would YOU....pay for some one to come into your home...or one room and work with you to de-clutter and / or make your storage work better...or your "junk" recycled...or your space utilised in a better way.....and don't forget the church is about to open K4...our charity shop in town so your clutter could fund the amazing community work our church does.

I am honestly interested in everyone's views and opinions...for and against....and any advice or information you think would be helpful....

ONE THING

You know those days when you have just a smidgen of free time....not enough time to go anywhere or do anything big....and you are up to date with most of the important stuff in the house..like a clean loo and not too many crumbs on the carpet and the bin isn't too overflowing.....those wee smidgens when you can just sit and let your mind wander??

Strangely I have had several days when I have had moments of mind wandering....I quite like this...especially if I don't fall asleep but manage to just let the thoughts go into free fall and go with them.

Some of these times I have felt like the "thought " has been like a bungee jump and whirled me down and down and down into a frightening thunderous dark place where I can only glance quickly and then be jettisoned back into reality with a grateful sigh....that I haven't had to stay there too long and examine the thought.

BUT...in the last few weeks I had some time out....Holidays...Conferences and some days at Fourteen ( our church organises amazing Retreat Days ) and rather than hurtle down into the abyss I have been intentional and made myself look at the dark places in some detail knowing I was in safe places and that God would be with me.

Pete Scazzero says in his book....Emotionally Healthy Spirituality..." The sad reality is most of us will not go forward until the pain of staying where we are becomes unbearable " This spoke to me in so many ways....

At the grand old age of 57 (yeah I know..none of you even suspected I was 50 did you ??)...I recognise that many seasons of my life have been slowed down and influenced by the pain of my childhood and now as there are most definitely less days ahead than there are behind me I am more and more ready to "move forward ".

At a recent Cherish conference one of the speakers used the scripture from one of Paul's letters..

Philippians ch 3 verses 12-14....Not that I have already obtained all this ,or have already been made perfect,but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it .But ONE THING I DO ; forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead,  I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus.


The speaker reminded us that Paul wrote this letter whilst he was actually in prison...he was still "pressing on" in his spirit towards the greater prize. The challenge was to reflect on how much of our past or present circumstances where we were allowing to prevent us from pressing on. We were also invited to ask God to imprint THE ONE THING deep into our hearts...mind...spirit and soul.....THE ONE THING....to keep pressing on....not to let anyone or anything stop us from pressing on towards the goal....

In the last few days as I have had these wee smidgens of time...reading and reflecting and looking back at my journals and chatting with friends I have realised afresh that I have forgotten THE ONE THING and today I have made the decision to "forget what is behind " and to "press on "..I have made some pretty radical decisions...more of which will be shared about in future blogs so watch this space !!

I am scared...excited...apprehensive...determined....all wrapped into THE ONE THING........