You know those days when you drive your car and the fuel needle warns you its time to fill your tank.... its just running low and you know just how long you can go until you REALLY need to get to a garage and fill up. If you are anything like me you continually press the button and see just exactly how many more miles you have got ...its like a wee game..I say to myself ...still got 43 miles ...so I potter on and then check again and it says 21 miles and then its a race to see where the nearest garage is and in I go and fill it right up.!! Phew...no breakdown..no embarrassing call to hubster to say come and rescue me with a can of diesel.So far in more than 35 years of driving I have never run out of fuel but it doesn't stop me from playing the "game" and trying to beat the odds of breaking down.
This week I have come to realise that my spiritual life is a little like that "game" I run myself along in every season and pay no attention to the internal warning light that blinks at me and says "running low"...I keep going and seem to be ignorant of all the warning signs that should by now have prompted me to stop and get to a "garage" for a fill up.
For many years I have played this spiritual game and until this week I have always won....kept going taking the odd "lay by" to take a break and pulled into the "service stations " along the way but never really reached a complete place of empty tank where I needed to call on someone or something to come and RESCUE ME.
This week....I have run out ..my tank is empty...I am in need of RESCUE....I have finally admitted that its time to head for the hills and rest up and fill up and let the one who set out to RESCUE me 2000 years ago have some time with me and set my feet back on the rock and help me to lift my "eyes to the hills" where my help comes from and to lay down..not just my burdens at the foot of the cross but to lay down my entire body,mind,spirit and soul there too. For this moment in time its the only safe place for me to be.
I also have recognised that I need some medical help too....depression cant be cured by
"pulling myself together "
"counting my blessings"
"offering help to those more needy"
"reading scripture "
"praying more"
"getting to church more "
"being busy "
oh....if only....my heart cries...if only...
So ...doctors kind and gentle manner have helped me to see that taking medication isn't a weakness but a much needed aid to get me to a place where I can begin to see into the future...where the light shines into the darkness of my soul...and so it begins...
The Rescue starts within and reading Psalm 18 and taking one small tablet every day until I can begin to believe it and live it out.
I am not an invalid...I am not unable to function...I am still me ..just not whole at this present time. Don't feel sorry for me...don't treat me any different... don't avoid me.....don't worry about me....I am in the hands of the greatest RESCUER of all time and I am trusting him for today...then for tomorrow and then the day after until my feet are secure again.
Psalm 18..".He brought me out into a spacious place and he rescued me because he delighted in me "
I am waiting for the "spacious place" to come my way.....
