DISLOCATION.....I have been thinking about this "feeling" for some time and trying to get it clear in my mind before blogging...I know what I want to say but not sure if I can get it into words that will make sense. A few months ago I was pretty much busy busy busy !! and I love that feeling when it sometimes feels as if you want the "bus to stop and let you off" but truly you are getting such a kick out of being in the centre of Gods purposes..so even if the bus stopped you wouldn't choose to get off.!!
I have thought back over the decades I have been a Christian and a part of my church community and realised that much of my spiritual life has been busy busy busy and it is in these seasons that a fair bit of my Spiritual growth has taken place. When I initiated the Deaf Ministry and later launched Kerith Kids and helped launch Hilltop...my life was incredibly busy and incredibly active and incredibly fulfilling. To get a ministry up and running meant tons of prayer...tons of scripture...tons of meetings..tons of contacts with the unchurched and unsaved and tons of ongoing support and interaction with church leaders and elders as well as amazing spiritual connection with others as teams were built on solid foundations. Several of my closest and oldest buddies had the birthing of our friendships during these intense times as we met...served..worked..prayed...cried...together on a mission to open the doors of our church community to those who were at that time (22years ago) largely ignored by churches all over the nation. I was also raising a family of three children and married to the best husband in the world so every part of our lives were busy busy busy not just Sundays.
In this last 2-3 years I once again found myself leading a ministry... (well.... I called it a ministry )...My ongoing vision statement was..."car parking isn't about cars it is about people " and I sensed the Spiritual side to this over the months as I built and encouraged team members...prayed...met with leaders and generally was busy busy busy that I was once more in a season of growth and looking back I realise that God was showing me much about myself as well as growing me in grace and mercy. With meeting other ministry leaders on a regular basis and fortnightly meetings with my "line manager " I prospered in many ways as rough edges were smoothed and encouragement to grow and to trust and to expect God to answer prayer was a regular feature in this busy busy busy time. The most significantly different part of this season of busy busy busy was that I was no longer raising the three children..they were pretty much raised !! and therefor the ministry busy-ness filled much more of my life than before...altho being the wife of still the best husband in the world meant I did carve some time out...that is when he wasn't being busy busy busy in his serving. Some of my best memories of the car parking ministry were times we served together..some weddings..funerals..and conferences...this was such a great time when we worked together to bless the church community.
For many reasons I laid down this ministry at the end of March...I so wish I could have the January to March months of that time back as I didn't finish well and I am cross with myself about that...it has taken me a while to move on from that particular pit. But here I am with no busy busy busy and boy am I dislocated. ....
I miss the hustle and bustle...
I miss the meetings...
I miss the interaction..
I miss my "line manager"
I miss the prayer...
I miss the encouragement..
I miss the thank yous...
I miss the emails...
I miss the questions...
I miss the weekly numbers info...
I miss being in the office....
I miss my teams...
I miss shaping the car parking for the future....
I miss being part of conference planning....
I miss the early mornings...
I miss blessing people...
I miss the challenges...
I miss sometimes getting info before other people..!!
I miss being in the centre of Gods purposes....
I miss......I miss......I miss.....
The "dislocation" feelings come directly as a part of the "missing" ....all of the busy busy busy- ness just dried up overnight..meetings stopped..emails stopped..questions stopped....planning stopped...serving stopped...it felt as if I had kinda disappeared of the radar....and I still miss all of it....especially the personal involvement and contacts....
I have been immersing myself in scripture and reading books and listening to some teaching CDs from ALM ...some of which has been painful to take on board but I know this is a time to believe that God has my future in His hands....Psalm 18 has been a tremendous help to me as well as some of the songs we have learned recently in church. As I have written this posting I am grateful for the feeling that the season of dislocation is passing and God has my days planned out for me..."to prosper and not to harm me" and I am therefor content in my "missing" if that makes sense.!!
2 comments:
I am so with you Irene! When I laid down the buddies ministry I also felt that did not 'end well' and I've fought feeling guilty about that for a long time. As a result however, I am leading a Life Group and doing more speaking/teaching, which is such a passion for me. I don't think I would have been able to even do the writing group if I was still doing it, and that has reopenned things in me and given me an outlet for dealing with my mother's passing.
You may feel dislocated Irene, but God's got you in the place He wants you to be. Continue to be open to what the Holy Spirit is saying to you. Who knows what adventure He'll lead you on next! Cuz one thing is certain - you won't be left waiting long before you are used once again. You are far too valuable!
Completely agree with you Geri.
An amazing blog entry Irene and you know I understand completely where you're coming from.
Looking forward to seeing God use you in your next chapter...keep focussing on that light at the end of the tunnel.
God Bless you and look forward to chatting this one through with you over coffee soon...xx
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