We are officially half way through the year of Academy now . So amazed to think I have completed six months and only have six more to go. What on earth will I do when it is over ?? I am trying not to think about it and just want to enjoy every moment of this God given year. I would be less than honest to say its not been hard. Finding the time to study,write,research and serve amidst a life that is already busy with work and family has been a constant tension and I know that I am very aware that I am not as young as I like to think! I get more tired as I struggle keep going . Yet it is a good "tired" not a soul searing "cant go on tired " more a " God please help me " kind of tired.Next week is a reading week which for me basically means I don't have to be at Academy for the two days in the week and don't have to serve on Sunday at the end of the week but its likely that my life will just expand into those gaps and I am pretty sure I wont actually do much " reading".
The title of this post " tears for souvenirs " is a real throwback to an old song by singer Ken Dodd...it may well have been covered by others but he is the singer I remember mainly because my mum had the record. I am talking an old 45 vinyl and if you have no idea what that is then ask someone over 45 years of age! In the song the lyrics say something like this
"Tears cant mend a broken heart
Lets forgive and forget
turn our tears of regret
once more into tears of happiness"
Each week that's gone by in Academy I have asked God to open my heart and give me ears to hear and eyes to see and have concentrated on learning all I can from the leaders who have shared their hearts with us all . As I have studied scripture and I have written notes and assignments and I have given precious time to serving each week with Konstruction Krew and served behind the scenes as part of the Academy ethos and as I have chatted and spent time with the other students and watched us all grow closer as time has gone by I have shed so many tears ,I seem to cry so much more these days and realise that God is once again softening my heart. Maybe I was dry and thirsty and didn't realise it ? Maybe I had grown hard hearted and didn't know it ? Maybe I had gotten careless of my salvation and took it for granted without being daily thankful? I don't know exactly why the tears seem to flow so easily,but I have come to welcome them and not to be afraid of them or embarrassed.
Today I heard two of the students share their "preach" and both were completely different yet both challenged me in different ways. The first talked about " building " ... challenging me to look at what am I building my life on? The second spoke about "favoritism"... challenging me not to judge people on what they do but on who they are .Then I listened to one of my hero's who "critiqued" their talk expand more on what they had said. Later we had several other leaders whose words all seem to link to one another and form a theme all the way through the day. I found myself once more crying !! I have spent last hour or so on my own just reflecting on why the tears are flowing and asking God if he can show me why I am so weepy and as I said earlier I started to sing this song in my spirit. Now usually I get a churchy kind of song which resonates on repeat in my head but this time it was a golden oldie from the Diddy man !
This is what I feel God is saying and doing in my life .....Over the last few months I have been doing a lot of thinking ,talking and writing about my past and realising that my tears over what was so hard to live through can never "mend a broken heart " and as I have once more prayed through all the tough times and spoken out about them God "turned my tears of regret into tears of happiness" and that only God could have accomplished this. God...through his precious son Jesus and the gift of grace given to me through his death and resurrection is the reason I have been enabled to turn my regret to happiness. So all I know is the tears may just keep on flowing and I may look back in times to come and say it was a year of tears! But I believe that I will know them as "souvenirs " of what God is doing. I still have six months to go so who knows how many tears have still to fall or how many tissues I may have used by Graduation Day in July.!!
Three other very small but significant things happened today that I will end this blog entry with.
One of the students said something which has taken root deep into my soul and later she leaned over and wrote something on my notebook. The combination of both the written and spoken words she shared have caused my spirit to be thankful of the restoration I have known. Let me share them briefly with you ...she first of all said something like..
"You are a challenge to me because you have such contentment with your life "
Then she wrote on my notepad ....
"Always have a friend who has the gift of wisdom (and you are mine ) "
and finally the thrill ( sad person I am ) of getting my assignment back with the word "Distinction" written on it.
Yep...my "tears will be souvenirs" of this Academy Year.
Shadow Of Victory
Thursday, 14 February 2013
Tuesday, 12 February 2013
The Locust Years
This last two weeks I have been working on what our church calls a 10/10 Sunday. This an opportunity for people who the elders / leaders feel have something to share with the church community. It takes the form of 10 people speaking for 10 minutes each over the three meetings. Usually it is 3 at the 9am meeting plus 3 at the 11am meeting and 4 at the 7pm. I have been asked to speak at the 7pm meeting and given the verse from The Lords Prayer "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us " (shameless plug to please come along and be a smiling friendly face at the 7pm meeting ).
I have worked on the talk for this last two weeks batting drafts to and from my fabby mentor Val Cottee and yesterday we agreed it was as ready as it ever would be so I can sign off on it and let it soak into my spirit for when I actually do the jolly thing. At the moment I am calm ,cool,and collected but I guess nearer the time I may be a little shaky and a bit of panic may slip in so please do feel free to pray for me .
But...as I was preparing this "talk" God began to speak to me from this verse in Joel .There are of course loads of different translations and there are two that I like....
NASB says this... "Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locusts have eaten"
NLT says this......." The Lord says ; I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts "
In my 10/10 preach I speak about the years of my childhood which were chaotic and mostly full of pain and confusion and as I grew up I had no real idea of what a family was supposed to be like or how to relate well to others and I was full of hurt and anger and bitterness. I talk about the way God intervened and how over time I began a journey of forgiving others and being forgiven myself . If I am honest there were many times I wanted to run and hide from God and from my christian friends as hurt after hurt surfaced . There were things I had not shared with anyone else and I found myself almost grieving for the family I never had and wondering if I would ever know true restoration. It was a journey..at times seemingly impossible to go on but God was with me every step of the way reminding me of his love...showering me with his grace and bringing restoration and healing.
Now....28 years later I can look back and see that Gods word is true.!! I may have "lost out" big time on my childhood being a growing and nurturing experience but somehow I have been enabled to create my own family and its with great joy I can say that I have loved Chris for almost 40 years ( and each year feel more and more deeply in love with him )..we have three amazing grown up children who all have spouses/partners and we have two grandchildren and a third one expected very soon who fill our hearts and lives with great joy. We may have had some tough times as they grew up ..especially as I was dealing with some fairly traumatic memories but I look at what I came from and look at where I am now and I can say with deep gratitude that God is good !
If you were to ask me what my favourite activity is ? or what I would choose to do for a weekend or day out I would always say..spend time with the family . It isn't always easy to get all of us together at one time but ask them what I say and they are sure to say "when mummy has all her chicks in the one place there she will be smiling and happy ". My family of birth and childhood may not have been the best but I can see the truth of the "word " from Joel ...that God surely has "given me back and made it up to me " for the years the locusts have eaten .
The photo with this entry is one of my family taken in 1962.. when I was 7 years of age...yes that cute little girly in front is me ! and its the only one in existence of our entire family. It was shortly after this photo that the family really fell apart....so I treasure this photo ...altho for years I couldn't even look at it as the pain and hurt and anger made it too hard but now I can look at it and let my heart and spirit keep on releasing grace and love into the past.I encourage you to come along to one or all of the meetings on the 3rd March...not just because I am speaking (!) but because I know that God can and will use each of the speakers to bring truth into your lives. See you there xxx
I have worked on the talk for this last two weeks batting drafts to and from my fabby mentor Val Cottee and yesterday we agreed it was as ready as it ever would be so I can sign off on it and let it soak into my spirit for when I actually do the jolly thing. At the moment I am calm ,cool,and collected but I guess nearer the time I may be a little shaky and a bit of panic may slip in so please do feel free to pray for me .
But...as I was preparing this "talk" God began to speak to me from this verse in Joel .There are of course loads of different translations and there are two that I like....
NASB says this... "Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locusts have eaten"
NLT says this......." The Lord says ; I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts "
In my 10/10 preach I speak about the years of my childhood which were chaotic and mostly full of pain and confusion and as I grew up I had no real idea of what a family was supposed to be like or how to relate well to others and I was full of hurt and anger and bitterness. I talk about the way God intervened and how over time I began a journey of forgiving others and being forgiven myself . If I am honest there were many times I wanted to run and hide from God and from my christian friends as hurt after hurt surfaced . There were things I had not shared with anyone else and I found myself almost grieving for the family I never had and wondering if I would ever know true restoration. It was a journey..at times seemingly impossible to go on but God was with me every step of the way reminding me of his love...showering me with his grace and bringing restoration and healing.
Now....28 years later I can look back and see that Gods word is true.!! I may have "lost out" big time on my childhood being a growing and nurturing experience but somehow I have been enabled to create my own family and its with great joy I can say that I have loved Chris for almost 40 years ( and each year feel more and more deeply in love with him )..we have three amazing grown up children who all have spouses/partners and we have two grandchildren and a third one expected very soon who fill our hearts and lives with great joy. We may have had some tough times as they grew up ..especially as I was dealing with some fairly traumatic memories but I look at what I came from and look at where I am now and I can say with deep gratitude that God is good !
If you were to ask me what my favourite activity is ? or what I would choose to do for a weekend or day out I would always say..spend time with the family . It isn't always easy to get all of us together at one time but ask them what I say and they are sure to say "when mummy has all her chicks in the one place there she will be smiling and happy ". My family of birth and childhood may not have been the best but I can see the truth of the "word " from Joel ...that God surely has "given me back and made it up to me " for the years the locusts have eaten .
Monday, 4 February 2013
Grannys Gap Year...(10)...Be Blessed
Our second assignment was a choice of a written one or we could speak it. I chose to write but several of the Academy chose to speak and at the beginning of our term we had the three brave students do their spoken "letter". The assignment was to write a letter to today's "global church " basing it loosely on Paul's Epistles. Speak words (or write words ) of exhortation and encouragement with a touch of Pauls direction. It was a fascinating topic and one I actually enjoyed doing..altho at present I don't yet have it back so no idea if my marker will have enjoyed reading it.
The three students all presented completely different styles and different topics and were all sensational..I have so much respect for these "youngsters" and especially the ones for which English is not their first language.
To digress slightly and then bring myself back to the point of this blog entry...for many years Ben Davies (who led Kerith before Simon Benham ) would often end his sermon by asking each section of the church to "look at me " he would say "let me see the whites of your eyes" or similar and then he would speak a blessing over us all. It would often be from scripture eg Numbers Ch 6 v22 which says
The Lord bless you and keep you ;
The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you ;
The Lord turn his face towards you and give you peace
Every time Ben did this I would feel as if God himself was blessing me and looked forward to him doing this.
So...back to the Academy speaking assignments and one of the overseas students Arvydas (RV)was speaking and every few sentences he would use the words
Be Blessed
I am not sure how many times he actually said this but it seemed as if when he did he caught my eye so it felt as if he was saying it directly to me!! I have no idea really what else he spoke about as I was so focus-ed on those two words .( so just as well I am not a marker)
Be Blessed
It so reminded me of the blessings Ben D used to speak over us and I truly believe there is some kind of spiritual impartation when people speak such words and since RV spoke several weeks ago I feel as if somehow I have been blessed way more than normal even altho life is busy...life is hectic,...life is pressured.
(we have somehow managed to move house in the last 3 weeks too) I am overwhelmed at times with so much to do and so little time...I have a 10/10 preach coming up and a spoken assignment still to write..there are numerous boxes still to unpack in the garage ...I have no idea where anything is in the new house...my "to do" list has a life of its own and multiplies overnight (!) and yet RVs words resound in my mind and spirit on a daily basis... Be Blessed..Be Blessed ..Be Blessed
In the midst of all that my daily life consists of ...I am recognising tmore and more that Gods blessings are tangible and real. I have a great family.. I have great friends..I have a great job ... I get to be a part of a great Academy gang and serve with an incredible team on Sundays watching and being a part of "Inspiring a Generation for Christ" I have food to eat...clothes on my back...a lovely comfortable and warm home ..cars ...and so much more than I can ask or imagine.
Since RV spoke I have been keeping a "blessing" jar and each time I reflect on Gods goodness I write out what I am feeling and pop it in the jar...it is already filling up. It may just be a small thing ..perhaps my grandson laughing which always fills my heart with joy..or it may be an encouraging text..or some flowers or a meal with friends for my birthday...or a lovely cuppa in bed with Chris...or just 20 mins of peace and silence with my bible. All Blessings...we just need to look for them with fresh eyes .
I don't think for one moment that RV or indeed Ben had any idea of the impact their words have had but I know for me that it is so important to bless people with the words of our mouth and although I cant speak them to everyone who may read this I can write it in bold and capital letters in the hope that you will also feel as if God is imparting his blessing upon you .
BE BLESSED
ps.. I also have to say that RV has the most amazing ability to hug....if you have never been hugged by RV then seek him out and have one ..they are just the best hugs ever.!!
The three students all presented completely different styles and different topics and were all sensational..I have so much respect for these "youngsters" and especially the ones for which English is not their first language.
To digress slightly and then bring myself back to the point of this blog entry...for many years Ben Davies (who led Kerith before Simon Benham ) would often end his sermon by asking each section of the church to "look at me " he would say "let me see the whites of your eyes" or similar and then he would speak a blessing over us all. It would often be from scripture eg Numbers Ch 6 v22 which says
The Lord bless you and keep you ;
The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you ;
The Lord turn his face towards you and give you peace
Every time Ben did this I would feel as if God himself was blessing me and looked forward to him doing this.
So...back to the Academy speaking assignments and one of the overseas students Arvydas (RV)was speaking and every few sentences he would use the words
Be Blessed
I am not sure how many times he actually said this but it seemed as if when he did he caught my eye so it felt as if he was saying it directly to me!! I have no idea really what else he spoke about as I was so focus-ed on those two words .( so just as well I am not a marker)
Be Blessed
It so reminded me of the blessings Ben D used to speak over us and I truly believe there is some kind of spiritual impartation when people speak such words and since RV spoke several weeks ago I feel as if somehow I have been blessed way more than normal even altho life is busy...life is hectic,...life is pressured.
(we have somehow managed to move house in the last 3 weeks too) I am overwhelmed at times with so much to do and so little time...I have a 10/10 preach coming up and a spoken assignment still to write..there are numerous boxes still to unpack in the garage ...I have no idea where anything is in the new house...my "to do" list has a life of its own and multiplies overnight (!) and yet RVs words resound in my mind and spirit on a daily basis... Be Blessed..Be Blessed ..Be Blessed
In the midst of all that my daily life consists of ...I am recognising tmore and more that Gods blessings are tangible and real. I have a great family.. I have great friends..I have a great job ... I get to be a part of a great Academy gang and serve with an incredible team on Sundays watching and being a part of "Inspiring a Generation for Christ" I have food to eat...clothes on my back...a lovely comfortable and warm home ..cars ...and so much more than I can ask or imagine.
Since RV spoke I have been keeping a "blessing" jar and each time I reflect on Gods goodness I write out what I am feeling and pop it in the jar...it is already filling up. It may just be a small thing ..perhaps my grandson laughing which always fills my heart with joy..or it may be an encouraging text..or some flowers or a meal with friends for my birthday...or a lovely cuppa in bed with Chris...or just 20 mins of peace and silence with my bible. All Blessings...we just need to look for them with fresh eyes .
I don't think for one moment that RV or indeed Ben had any idea of the impact their words have had but I know for me that it is so important to bless people with the words of our mouth and although I cant speak them to everyone who may read this I can write it in bold and capital letters in the hope that you will also feel as if God is imparting his blessing upon you .
BE BLESSED
ps.. I also have to say that RV has the most amazing ability to hug....if you have never been hugged by RV then seek him out and have one ..they are just the best hugs ever.!!
Wednesday, 2 January 2013
10,000 REASONS
Post Christmas Lethargy....
I always seem to have a dip in energy levels after the festive season. I guess it is the lack of routine,the excitement of family and friends gatherings,the presents,the travelling, the lack of sleep,the socialising. My usual routine and planned time goes out the window along with any semblance of spiritual life!!
I always go into December saying that I wont allow myself to run dry.Yet each year I get to January and realise that my bible has cobwebs and my prayer tank is running on fumes. More so this January as I am also a student again with essays and assignments and no spare days and to top it all off I am moving house in 9 days time.
This morning life resumed its normality with everyone back at work and Elisha coming back to Granny and to be honest I really didn't want to get up...get on..or even get dressed. I felt incredibly lethargic and even Elisha failed to lift my spirits as we shared our boiled eggs and began our day.
I headed off to the supermarket as fridge and cupboards were empty so we had a pretty boring morning ahead and I slotted a new CD in car CD player.This is by Matt Redman and track 4 is a song called 10,000 Reasons which we have been singing at church this last wee while.As I have been serving in Konstruction Krew each Sunday I haven't been in a worship time for quite some weeks so I only vaguely know the words.
Let me share some of them with you......
The sun comes up its a new day dawning, Its time to sing your song again.
Whatever may pass,and whatever lies before me..Let me be singing when the evening comes.
You are rich in love and you are slow to anger,your name is great and your heart is kind.
For all your goodness,I will keep on singing,Ten thousand reasons for my heart to sing.
I sat for about ten minutes just listening to the words on repeat and I truly felt as if God himself had reached down and touched my empty heart and filled me again with his spirit. It has reminded me of a season I was in years ago with my Dorset Buddy....we used to meet to pray together each week and although we had a prayer list it always seemed as if we got snagged at the "thanking " stage and at times we never got to our "shopping list" we just spent time thanking God for his goodness and for all we had.
I recognise that there are seasons in my spiritual life and this morning as I was reminded of that time years ago I felt a whisper from God just inviting me back into a time of "worship". There is another verse in the song which says this....
And on that day when my strength is failing,the end draws near and time has come,
Still my soul will sing your praise unending,Ten thousand years and forevermore.
I have spent time today just thinking through these words and determining in my spirit to move into a season of thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for and my desire is to know the truth of this song in my everyday life more and more...that as each new day dawns and no matter what happens I will lift my song to my Saviour.
I always seem to have a dip in energy levels after the festive season. I guess it is the lack of routine,the excitement of family and friends gatherings,the presents,the travelling, the lack of sleep,the socialising. My usual routine and planned time goes out the window along with any semblance of spiritual life!!
I always go into December saying that I wont allow myself to run dry.Yet each year I get to January and realise that my bible has cobwebs and my prayer tank is running on fumes. More so this January as I am also a student again with essays and assignments and no spare days and to top it all off I am moving house in 9 days time.
This morning life resumed its normality with everyone back at work and Elisha coming back to Granny and to be honest I really didn't want to get up...get on..or even get dressed. I felt incredibly lethargic and even Elisha failed to lift my spirits as we shared our boiled eggs and began our day.
I headed off to the supermarket as fridge and cupboards were empty so we had a pretty boring morning ahead and I slotted a new CD in car CD player.This is by Matt Redman and track 4 is a song called 10,000 Reasons which we have been singing at church this last wee while.As I have been serving in Konstruction Krew each Sunday I haven't been in a worship time for quite some weeks so I only vaguely know the words.
Let me share some of them with you......
The sun comes up its a new day dawning, Its time to sing your song again.
Whatever may pass,and whatever lies before me..Let me be singing when the evening comes.
You are rich in love and you are slow to anger,your name is great and your heart is kind.
For all your goodness,I will keep on singing,Ten thousand reasons for my heart to sing.
I sat for about ten minutes just listening to the words on repeat and I truly felt as if God himself had reached down and touched my empty heart and filled me again with his spirit. It has reminded me of a season I was in years ago with my Dorset Buddy....we used to meet to pray together each week and although we had a prayer list it always seemed as if we got snagged at the "thanking " stage and at times we never got to our "shopping list" we just spent time thanking God for his goodness and for all we had.
I recognise that there are seasons in my spiritual life and this morning as I was reminded of that time years ago I felt a whisper from God just inviting me back into a time of "worship". There is another verse in the song which says this....
And on that day when my strength is failing,the end draws near and time has come,
Still my soul will sing your praise unending,Ten thousand years and forevermore.
I have spent time today just thinking through these words and determining in my spirit to move into a season of thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for and my desire is to know the truth of this song in my everyday life more and more...that as each new day dawns and no matter what happens I will lift my song to my Saviour.
Thursday, 20 December 2012
GRANNYS GAP YEAR ( 9 ) REFLECTIONS ON THIS TERM
Well... the last day of Academy has been and gone....still have Sunday to serve with Konstruction Krew and then a blissful rest over the festive season. Today was a mixture of fun..laughter and tears, presents...food..teaching and lots of chocolate. I thought that as I was "home alone" tonight I would take a little time to reflect on the term and have a look at the "highs " and the " lows " of this Granny's Gap Year.
Let me begin with the "highs "
* hanging out with the younger generation...what a huge eye opener for me to realise they are nothing like my kids were at the same age...a bit of a culture shock for me ( and maybe for them too ) but what a great bunch they are..each of them have blessed me in ways that they may never know and given me a hope for the future ...yay for the students .
* having input from such fantastic teachers..all too many to mention but all of them have impacted me in such a deep way that I am hoping I may never be the same again..altho I have to mention two "legends "...Ben Davies..a personal hero of mine and a new hero to add to my collection ..Ron Bailey who brought what could have been a dry and stuffy subject...to life....yay for heroes.
* volunteering to "preach" in front of Ben Davies and hearing his feedback a real highlight of the term for me plus being asked to speak at the next 10/10 in March 2013..yay for preaching .
* listening to the students ask the questions that I always wanted to ask but felt silly asking...yay to get the answers to some long awaited questions...yay for those who are patient and answer all our questions..
* serving each Sunday in Konstruction Krew...both meetings...what an eye opener !!..Junior Church as we used to call it was NEVER like this...Yvonne and the team are just fantastic and at the beginning of term I thought I would be missing out not being able to go into the adult meeting but I haven't missed it at all !!.yay for kids work
* being a part of the staff team even if only for one day a week has been lovely and chatting to different staff members has opened up some new friendships....yay for chats on the stairs and in the loo.
* having hugs from people on a regular basis...may seem silly to include that in the picture..but with my background having people in my "personal space" hasn't always been easy and some of the students excel at hugging...you know who you are. ..yay for hugs
* being able to share some deep things with the students and to hear their own stories and their struggles has been a real privilege....Gabriele took time last week to pray over me in tongues and I felt the peace of God just surround me .....yay for prayers
* being moved way out of my comfort zone into new technology ..eg my new smart phone and using Word to complete assignment and Internet to study . Still not fully comfortable but moving in the right direction. ...yay for a learning curve.
* finding out that we are to be grandparents again with the expected arrival in April of a little pink one how cool will that be...yay for Andrew and Limara
* having such great encouragement from my friends and family .who have been like my cheerleaders.!! yay for friends. and family .
* studying like crazy for the preaching and for first assignment ...borrowing books and picking brains and surfing the Internet...yay for challenges .
I probably could write a whole lot more of the "highs" but wanted to also give a wee bit of space to the "lows " it hasn't all been easy as some of the list below will explain.
* having a fall right at the start of the term resulting in cracked ribs and bruised lung tissue..this is still not resolved and I still have residual pain for which I take quite strong prescription meds for ..this is despite a measure of Gods healing during the term which actually meant I had a completely pain free holiday ...yay for that...sadly I then had several episodes of heart arrhythmia caused by the intercostal muscles being still damaged...which sent me into panic mode and had the para medics come visit in middle of the night ..so this is an ongoing situation.
* my migraines have increased and this along with the meds I am already taking means I am tired all the time .This is not good ..considering I still work full time as well as serve Academy Hours .I also recognise that if I am not careful I could tip into depression as the tiredness is so oppressive at times.
* sadly I also had to say goodbye to a wee boy who I had child minded for 18mths as his mum needed more hours and I just couldn't commit to them ...this also resulted in a fairly substantial financial loss.
* several personal issues have arisen which were horrid and forced us to throw ourselves into Gods mercy and we are grateful for the support from Simon and our Line Managers Colin and Yvonne.
* finally ..a last "low" ..we got our first written assignment back today and I cant even begin to describe how uptight I have been about it...I left school 42 years ago with six "O" levels (GCSEs) and have had no formal education since then so the written assignments I knew would take me way beyond any comfort zone...I worked my socks off....hours and hours ...ask my husband ??!!..... I did all the right things..asked for help...ploughed my way through Tozer and commentaries and sent drafts to wiser women than me for advice and for the last 6 weeks I have known such deep anxiety...and even before I opened my envelope I was already crying all over Joanne as I shared with her how I was feeling ...we laughingly opened them together (!) but all I could see were
the " numbers."...which were a lot lower than I had thought I would get....and I didnt even read the feedback..I put it straight back into the envelope and headed to the loo in tears . The assignment is still in the envelope...I cant even bring myself to look at it again...the numbers paralysed me....
So...my reflections on the first term of Academy...believe me that despite the last "low" I have loved every second...every minute..every day...every moment of serving and being with the gang and I am so looking forward to next term and all the challenges it will have. I may even take the assignment out of the envelope at some point and absorb it a little better but have to wait till my eyes stop leaking .
Let me begin with the "highs "
* hanging out with the younger generation...what a huge eye opener for me to realise they are nothing like my kids were at the same age...a bit of a culture shock for me ( and maybe for them too ) but what a great bunch they are..each of them have blessed me in ways that they may never know and given me a hope for the future ...yay for the students .
* having input from such fantastic teachers..all too many to mention but all of them have impacted me in such a deep way that I am hoping I may never be the same again..altho I have to mention two "legends "...Ben Davies..a personal hero of mine and a new hero to add to my collection ..Ron Bailey who brought what could have been a dry and stuffy subject...to life....yay for heroes.
* volunteering to "preach" in front of Ben Davies and hearing his feedback a real highlight of the term for me plus being asked to speak at the next 10/10 in March 2013..yay for preaching .
* listening to the students ask the questions that I always wanted to ask but felt silly asking...yay to get the answers to some long awaited questions...yay for those who are patient and answer all our questions..
* serving each Sunday in Konstruction Krew...both meetings...what an eye opener !!..Junior Church as we used to call it was NEVER like this...Yvonne and the team are just fantastic and at the beginning of term I thought I would be missing out not being able to go into the adult meeting but I haven't missed it at all !!.yay for kids work
* being a part of the staff team even if only for one day a week has been lovely and chatting to different staff members has opened up some new friendships....yay for chats on the stairs and in the loo.
* having hugs from people on a regular basis...may seem silly to include that in the picture..but with my background having people in my "personal space" hasn't always been easy and some of the students excel at hugging...you know who you are. ..yay for hugs
* being able to share some deep things with the students and to hear their own stories and their struggles has been a real privilege....Gabriele took time last week to pray over me in tongues and I felt the peace of God just surround me .....yay for prayers
* being moved way out of my comfort zone into new technology ..eg my new smart phone and using Word to complete assignment and Internet to study . Still not fully comfortable but moving in the right direction. ...yay for a learning curve.
* finding out that we are to be grandparents again with the expected arrival in April of a little pink one how cool will that be...yay for Andrew and Limara
* having such great encouragement from my friends and family .who have been like my cheerleaders.!! yay for friends. and family .
* studying like crazy for the preaching and for first assignment ...borrowing books and picking brains and surfing the Internet...yay for challenges .
I probably could write a whole lot more of the "highs" but wanted to also give a wee bit of space to the "lows " it hasn't all been easy as some of the list below will explain.
* having a fall right at the start of the term resulting in cracked ribs and bruised lung tissue..this is still not resolved and I still have residual pain for which I take quite strong prescription meds for ..this is despite a measure of Gods healing during the term which actually meant I had a completely pain free holiday ...yay for that...sadly I then had several episodes of heart arrhythmia caused by the intercostal muscles being still damaged...which sent me into panic mode and had the para medics come visit in middle of the night ..so this is an ongoing situation.
* my migraines have increased and this along with the meds I am already taking means I am tired all the time .This is not good ..considering I still work full time as well as serve Academy Hours .I also recognise that if I am not careful I could tip into depression as the tiredness is so oppressive at times.
* sadly I also had to say goodbye to a wee boy who I had child minded for 18mths as his mum needed more hours and I just couldn't commit to them ...this also resulted in a fairly substantial financial loss.
* several personal issues have arisen which were horrid and forced us to throw ourselves into Gods mercy and we are grateful for the support from Simon and our Line Managers Colin and Yvonne.
* finally ..a last "low" ..we got our first written assignment back today and I cant even begin to describe how uptight I have been about it...I left school 42 years ago with six "O" levels (GCSEs) and have had no formal education since then so the written assignments I knew would take me way beyond any comfort zone...I worked my socks off....hours and hours ...ask my husband ??!!..... I did all the right things..asked for help...ploughed my way through Tozer and commentaries and sent drafts to wiser women than me for advice and for the last 6 weeks I have known such deep anxiety...and even before I opened my envelope I was already crying all over Joanne as I shared with her how I was feeling ...we laughingly opened them together (!) but all I could see were
the " numbers."...which were a lot lower than I had thought I would get....and I didnt even read the feedback..I put it straight back into the envelope and headed to the loo in tears . The assignment is still in the envelope...I cant even bring myself to look at it again...the numbers paralysed me....
So...my reflections on the first term of Academy...believe me that despite the last "low" I have loved every second...every minute..every day...every moment of serving and being with the gang and I am so looking forward to next term and all the challenges it will have. I may even take the assignment out of the envelope at some point and absorb it a little better but have to wait till my eyes stop leaking .
Saturday, 17 November 2012
Grannys Gap Year (8) on being ill
Well....it seems as if I have been ill / poorly one way or another since my adventure started in Academy. First it was the faint then the bruised lungs and fractured rib then the wrong dosage of meds and light headedness and then of course cystitis creeping in twice !! Oh and now its gastric flu !!
I have had emails and texts and Face Book comments ( thank you ) with all sorts of encouragement and support and loads of advice which have kept me going. The advice has ranged from praying in the spirit to drinking green tea and in between those two I have been told its probably demonic in origin and also that I need to take care of the temple of the Holy Spirit more . The encouragements have ranged from gorgeous flowers to lovely visits from friends bearing nothing other than a smile and a hug. The support has been never ending from the hubster and Elisha's mummy who have taken time off to help me out. The amazing Matt who loves me no matter if we are out and about or if I am laid up on sofa and he got his keyboard or radio he just goes with the flow.
I don't mind being ill....if I am honest;Apart from the boring bits and the actual discomfort of being sick and spending ages on the loo and only being able to drink small cups of tomato soup ( my poo is pink now ) What I absolutely HATE about being ill is both missing out on things and letting people down. This is what really pulls me down over and over again and why I detest being poorly whether it is a tummy upset a migraine or a rib fracture .
So far this last 3 months I have not been able to take part fully in Academy Facility times and in fact have only managed it twice so seeing the others working away when I couldn't has been really hard for me to adjust to. I have missed several Thursdays teaching sessions which is really yuck as its hard to catch up with other peoples notes, I have missed the Advance Children's Conference today which Kerith is hosting so I am once more missing a chance to serve with the Academy team as well as see/hear inspirational speakers and I have also made decision not to go to Konstruction Krew tomorrow as I have been out twice in last 2 days for no more than 2 hours and then had to lay down to recover . Tomato soup really isn't enough fuel to keep you going for more than a couple of hours.
This last "missed" is a particularly distressing decision for me me in that I have been helping a young 9 year old to settle in KK...I have managed to get him to be my "helper" a couple of times but then he throws another wee wobbly and we have to start again and each week I see him and we are building a good relationship. I made a promise to him last Sunday that I would ring him in the week to have a chat and we did have a really good old chin wag on Wednesday evening and we said
."see you Sunday " but having made decision today not to go in I felt I needed to ring him and tell him why rather than leave it for him to wonder why I had broken a promise. This more than anything is what I hate hate hate about being ill .
We did have a wee chat and he sounded okay and I chatted to his mum and have let KK leader know so I am praying this isn't a set back for JB...he is such a gorgeous wee lad and full of beans and life and chatter when he settles he is a pleasure to have around so even though I wont be there tomorrow at 11am I will be praying for him ,
With regards to recovery I have also made a couple of other decisions which I haven't wanted to make but just know I need to be sensible. Based on how last two days have gone. As well as not going to KK for tomorrows meetings I have also cancelled my trip to visit my precious Dorset Friend on Monday. Those of you who know who I am talking about will know just how hard that decision has been. I am also not planning on serving in Academy Tuesday either to give me another 3- 4 days for full recovery as well as trying to get beyond the Tomato soup stage no matter how much I love Mr Heinz it doesn't give me much energy.
As to why I have been ill so much in last three months I have no real bias and don't fully subscribe to "you are stepping out for Jesus and the enemy will be against you " I just know that illness is all part of the fallen world and the simple fact is gastric flu is going round . Loads of people have told me that they know others who have been so much worse than me with same flu symptoms. I kinda like to think that I am just one of the statistics that get poorly all at one time rather than being a specific target for the enemy to aim at. Having stated that I am praying daily for healing and protection and asking God to keep me safe and well at all times from the enemy but I do that fairly frequently anyway whether well or ill ....for me and all my friends and family its a regular discussion I have with the Almighty.
I just need to keep my slightly inward poor old me self looking upwards to God and believing that even in this time of illness I am still living in his purpose and still in the right place . Academy Team I salute you all and miss you all so much when I don't get to hang out with you .
I have had emails and texts and Face Book comments ( thank you ) with all sorts of encouragement and support and loads of advice which have kept me going. The advice has ranged from praying in the spirit to drinking green tea and in between those two I have been told its probably demonic in origin and also that I need to take care of the temple of the Holy Spirit more . The encouragements have ranged from gorgeous flowers to lovely visits from friends bearing nothing other than a smile and a hug. The support has been never ending from the hubster and Elisha's mummy who have taken time off to help me out. The amazing Matt who loves me no matter if we are out and about or if I am laid up on sofa and he got his keyboard or radio he just goes with the flow.
I don't mind being ill....if I am honest;Apart from the boring bits and the actual discomfort of being sick and spending ages on the loo and only being able to drink small cups of tomato soup ( my poo is pink now ) What I absolutely HATE about being ill is both missing out on things and letting people down. This is what really pulls me down over and over again and why I detest being poorly whether it is a tummy upset a migraine or a rib fracture .
So far this last 3 months I have not been able to take part fully in Academy Facility times and in fact have only managed it twice so seeing the others working away when I couldn't has been really hard for me to adjust to. I have missed several Thursdays teaching sessions which is really yuck as its hard to catch up with other peoples notes, I have missed the Advance Children's Conference today which Kerith is hosting so I am once more missing a chance to serve with the Academy team as well as see/hear inspirational speakers and I have also made decision not to go to Konstruction Krew tomorrow as I have been out twice in last 2 days for no more than 2 hours and then had to lay down to recover . Tomato soup really isn't enough fuel to keep you going for more than a couple of hours.
This last "missed" is a particularly distressing decision for me me in that I have been helping a young 9 year old to settle in KK...I have managed to get him to be my "helper" a couple of times but then he throws another wee wobbly and we have to start again and each week I see him and we are building a good relationship. I made a promise to him last Sunday that I would ring him in the week to have a chat and we did have a really good old chin wag on Wednesday evening and we said
."see you Sunday " but having made decision today not to go in I felt I needed to ring him and tell him why rather than leave it for him to wonder why I had broken a promise. This more than anything is what I hate hate hate about being ill .
We did have a wee chat and he sounded okay and I chatted to his mum and have let KK leader know so I am praying this isn't a set back for JB...he is such a gorgeous wee lad and full of beans and life and chatter when he settles he is a pleasure to have around so even though I wont be there tomorrow at 11am I will be praying for him ,
With regards to recovery I have also made a couple of other decisions which I haven't wanted to make but just know I need to be sensible. Based on how last two days have gone. As well as not going to KK for tomorrows meetings I have also cancelled my trip to visit my precious Dorset Friend on Monday. Those of you who know who I am talking about will know just how hard that decision has been. I am also not planning on serving in Academy Tuesday either to give me another 3- 4 days for full recovery as well as trying to get beyond the Tomato soup stage no matter how much I love Mr Heinz it doesn't give me much energy.
As to why I have been ill so much in last three months I have no real bias and don't fully subscribe to "you are stepping out for Jesus and the enemy will be against you " I just know that illness is all part of the fallen world and the simple fact is gastric flu is going round . Loads of people have told me that they know others who have been so much worse than me with same flu symptoms. I kinda like to think that I am just one of the statistics that get poorly all at one time rather than being a specific target for the enemy to aim at. Having stated that I am praying daily for healing and protection and asking God to keep me safe and well at all times from the enemy but I do that fairly frequently anyway whether well or ill ....for me and all my friends and family its a regular discussion I have with the Almighty.
I just need to keep my slightly inward poor old me self looking upwards to God and believing that even in this time of illness I am still living in his purpose and still in the right place . Academy Team I salute you all and miss you all so much when I don't get to hang out with you .
Sunday, 4 November 2012
GRANNYS GAP YEAR (7)
I thought I would blog this as soon as I got home from church...altho stopped long enough to have cheese on toast and a cuppa for lunch .....This was my Sunday "off"...in that as an Academy Student I get the Sunday of my Reading Week off serving but to be honest I love doing what I am doing so agreed with Yvonne I would do my bit then go off to main meeting for the preach....
Remember my motto over the decades has always been..."I got through my entire Christian life without ever serving in childrens work "...I kinda thought it would be a pretty cool epitaph for my gravestone. Yes..I have done my share of creche and baby looking after over the years and even led a team of creche workers and have helped serve at 11-14s when my children were in their teens.....so really it was the 5-11s that I have avoided..!
As an Academy Student I am linked with Yvonne Scott the childrens pastor and for 4-5 hours every Sunday I serve the children of Kerith Community Church and the team of amazing volunteers who week by week give of themselves and their time and energy to speak Jesus to 70-90 children over two meetings every Sunday morning.
Today was all about Water Baptism....The group had a Salvation Sunday whilst I was on my holidays when 18 children responded to the gospel ( drat I missed it ) and invited Jesus to be their forever friend so my plan was to hang out for the 9am meeting to see how Baptism would be preached and if there would be a response.??.....then to go over for the 11am meeting.
Can I just break here for a few minutes to tell you about the TEAM.....What a gang we have...I am totally in awe of Yvonne...Nicola....Stacey....and others who teach week by week...they all have their own individual style yet somehow God uses them in the exact way that suits who they are . Then there are the group of parents who volunteer...they are also amazing...they lead small groups and get to talk to and pray with loads of children...their own children may be in the group too and get to see their parents being Jesus to others...so inspiring....and then there are also the "apprentices"...this is a group of the older children...who are perhaps year 5-6 and they are AWESOME...they wear their apprentice jackets with pride and step up each week to help...they may be on reception/registration...tech team...drinks and biscuits organiser...small group leaders...just fantastic to see them....what role models we have in this age group...and once a month we have our youth band...REVOLUTION....who come over for the entire morning and lead us in worship....this morning Josh Grimmet taught us a song he had co written with Dave Betts who is the church musical director and wow....what a great song..the kids were bopping all over the place and I was so laughing at three of the ( grown up ) guys who lead small groups who have absolutely no sense of rhythm and I was laughing so much ....sorry guys ...but you made my morning..!!....I am just so privileged to get to be a part of this ministry so much so that I decided NOT to bother going over for the 11am meeting...let me tell you why...
Nicola...who I have only known for a matter of months...she is such a gifted children's worker...she is even more amazing in that she has no children of her own ...YET...wedding bells next year....she doesn't work with children ...BUT God has anointed and appointed her for such a time as this...when she marries Adam I believe God is going to raise up this couple in ways which we cant yet imagine ...so watch this space....Any way....she preached a storm at both meetings and God moved in....I lost count but I think over the two meetings we had something like 18 children respond to "ask more " about baptism and several also asked to pray the ABC prayer which is our salvation prayer....I was once more moved to tears...these children range in age from 5 to 11 and I hardly know any of them (altho slowly getting to grips with their names ) and I have no idea what their home life or family life is like but what I do know is that GOD knows each one of them by name...He knows every hair on their head...He understands their every thought...every fear...every part of their lives. He is very interested in them and for an hour and half each Sunday morning we get to see God reach down from heaven and touch their tender spirits....I am often heading for the kitchen to find more tissues or to the loo to hide as my mascara drips down or my nose snots....
I could write reams about individual children who I see each week ..worshipping..listening...responding...it is humbling to watch a 5 year old raise their hands in worship...or to see an 8 year old dancing before God with no embarrassment..or a 9 year old praying for their friend....and just to watch 50 children laughing as they "gunge " one of the leaders raises my laughter quotient for the day. I get the amazing task of awarding Star Certificates each week to individual children and each week I take note of at least 10-12 children who are stars....and when I get the chance I tell them and tell their parents too what a difference they have made to the morning just by being themselves....
People talk about "being ruined " by this it often means that they will never be the same again...I am pretty certain that once this Academy Year is over with I may never be the same again...my entire idea of what Children's Work is like has been turned upside down ...I have always been of the mindset that to serve in children's work you "miss " the main meeting....well ...after just a few short months I reckon that often the main meeting IS the children's work...
I have just finished writing ..(agonising would be a better word ) a 2000 word essay on The Attributes of a Holy God and one of his Attributes is "Omnipresent "...and basically this means He is everywhere ...at all times ...so I guess the main meeting really is wherever there are believers or faith filled people or God fearing groups...God is there...The Main Meeting is EVERYWHERE...and whats so cool about that is no-one misses out on God.
If ever you want to see God at work in children ..come visit us Sundays 9am or 11am ...I am actively looking to recruit a team to welcome new families...help settle new children into their groups and generally be there at a time when it can be a little scary to go into childrens groups for the very first time...I can promise you..God is there and you wont miss out...email me...leave me a comment...Facebook me..I would love to introduce you to Konstruction Krew...you will never be the same again.
Remember my motto over the decades has always been..."I got through my entire Christian life without ever serving in childrens work "...I kinda thought it would be a pretty cool epitaph for my gravestone. Yes..I have done my share of creche and baby looking after over the years and even led a team of creche workers and have helped serve at 11-14s when my children were in their teens.....so really it was the 5-11s that I have avoided..!
As an Academy Student I am linked with Yvonne Scott the childrens pastor and for 4-5 hours every Sunday I serve the children of Kerith Community Church and the team of amazing volunteers who week by week give of themselves and their time and energy to speak Jesus to 70-90 children over two meetings every Sunday morning.
Today was all about Water Baptism....The group had a Salvation Sunday whilst I was on my holidays when 18 children responded to the gospel ( drat I missed it ) and invited Jesus to be their forever friend so my plan was to hang out for the 9am meeting to see how Baptism would be preached and if there would be a response.??.....then to go over for the 11am meeting.
Can I just break here for a few minutes to tell you about the TEAM.....What a gang we have...I am totally in awe of Yvonne...Nicola....Stacey....and others who teach week by week...they all have their own individual style yet somehow God uses them in the exact way that suits who they are . Then there are the group of parents who volunteer...they are also amazing...they lead small groups and get to talk to and pray with loads of children...their own children may be in the group too and get to see their parents being Jesus to others...so inspiring....and then there are also the "apprentices"...this is a group of the older children...who are perhaps year 5-6 and they are AWESOME...they wear their apprentice jackets with pride and step up each week to help...they may be on reception/registration...tech team...drinks and biscuits organiser...small group leaders...just fantastic to see them....what role models we have in this age group...and once a month we have our youth band...REVOLUTION....who come over for the entire morning and lead us in worship....this morning Josh Grimmet taught us a song he had co written with Dave Betts who is the church musical director and wow....what a great song..the kids were bopping all over the place and I was so laughing at three of the ( grown up ) guys who lead small groups who have absolutely no sense of rhythm and I was laughing so much ....sorry guys ...but you made my morning..!!....I am just so privileged to get to be a part of this ministry so much so that I decided NOT to bother going over for the 11am meeting...let me tell you why...
Nicola...who I have only known for a matter of months...she is such a gifted children's worker...she is even more amazing in that she has no children of her own ...YET...wedding bells next year....she doesn't work with children ...BUT God has anointed and appointed her for such a time as this...when she marries Adam I believe God is going to raise up this couple in ways which we cant yet imagine ...so watch this space....Any way....she preached a storm at both meetings and God moved in....I lost count but I think over the two meetings we had something like 18 children respond to "ask more " about baptism and several also asked to pray the ABC prayer which is our salvation prayer....I was once more moved to tears...these children range in age from 5 to 11 and I hardly know any of them (altho slowly getting to grips with their names ) and I have no idea what their home life or family life is like but what I do know is that GOD knows each one of them by name...He knows every hair on their head...He understands their every thought...every fear...every part of their lives. He is very interested in them and for an hour and half each Sunday morning we get to see God reach down from heaven and touch their tender spirits....I am often heading for the kitchen to find more tissues or to the loo to hide as my mascara drips down or my nose snots....
I could write reams about individual children who I see each week ..worshipping..listening...responding...it is humbling to watch a 5 year old raise their hands in worship...or to see an 8 year old dancing before God with no embarrassment..or a 9 year old praying for their friend....and just to watch 50 children laughing as they "gunge " one of the leaders raises my laughter quotient for the day. I get the amazing task of awarding Star Certificates each week to individual children and each week I take note of at least 10-12 children who are stars....and when I get the chance I tell them and tell their parents too what a difference they have made to the morning just by being themselves....
People talk about "being ruined " by this it often means that they will never be the same again...I am pretty certain that once this Academy Year is over with I may never be the same again...my entire idea of what Children's Work is like has been turned upside down ...I have always been of the mindset that to serve in children's work you "miss " the main meeting....well ...after just a few short months I reckon that often the main meeting IS the children's work...
I have just finished writing ..(agonising would be a better word ) a 2000 word essay on The Attributes of a Holy God and one of his Attributes is "Omnipresent "...and basically this means He is everywhere ...at all times ...so I guess the main meeting really is wherever there are believers or faith filled people or God fearing groups...God is there...The Main Meeting is EVERYWHERE...and whats so cool about that is no-one misses out on God.
If ever you want to see God at work in children ..come visit us Sundays 9am or 11am ...I am actively looking to recruit a team to welcome new families...help settle new children into their groups and generally be there at a time when it can be a little scary to go into childrens groups for the very first time...I can promise you..God is there and you wont miss out...email me...leave me a comment...Facebook me..I would love to introduce you to Konstruction Krew...you will never be the same again.
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